Et Invicto Semita
by FreeWrite
Summary: Emily Prentiss was never one to let someone else decide her path. She made her own choices and she dealt with the results good, bad and completely baffling. She just never expected these particular results to be so long lasting and all encompassing.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Et Invicto Semita

 **Summary:** Emily Prentiss was never one to let someone else decide her path. She made her own choices and she dealt with the results good, bad and completely baffling. She just never expected these particular results to be so long lasting and all encompassing.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds or any recognisable character, nor am I making any money from this venture.

 **AN:** I've taken a specific plot device a lot of fic writers use to get their favourite ship together and turned it on it's head to prove Emily Prentiss is a badass independent woman who doesn't need someone to 'save' her. Enjoy and the title is Latin for 'The Unbeaten Path'

This story is 22 chapters long and complete.

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

 **October 2008**

Emily was tired and sore... they'd just returned from Reno and despite getting full clearance for field duty her ribs were still complaining from the hours on the jet.

Not that she'd admit it in front of the team but Cyrus had done a real number on her and she had a feeling the after effects were going to linger for a while. All she wanted to do was relax in the tub with a glass of wine and a good book.

Finding Malcolm Cooper on her front door step was a complete surprise.

They'd emailed back and forth a few times since New York, nothing serious... he told her all about his son's latest accomplishments and she told stories about growing up all over the world. It was a relaxed friendship the two had struck up and she genuinely enjoyed hearing from him. Emily had noticed a different tone in his last few emails, something had changed and at first it wasn't overtly obvious but then he'd started to flirt a little bit more, dropping in more innuendo.

She'd shut him down pretty hard in the subway station and the restarted flirting made her curious about the true state of his marriage.

Plastering a grin on her face Emily called out to the New York detective who looked just as wrung out as her.

"Hey stranger does your wife know you're sitting outside another woman's house!"

"What wife?" he asked with a sad smile.

That was how it started…

She wasn't going to leave DC and he couldn't leave New York but that was ok with them. Relaxed weekends meeting up in Philadelphia, most of the time they didn't leave their hotel room.

They weren't in love… they were friends who had sex. Neither were under the illusion of anything more and both knew the second someone else entered the picture it was off.

They were happy and comfortable with what they had.

He laughed when she told him about baiting Viper with JJ and held her while she cried over Cate Hale and Megan Kane.

She didn't see him for two months after Matthew's death. It was too hard…

She needed everything he had to offer after meeting Danny Murphy.

She'd managed to catch a few hours sleep after getting back from Canada and was packing a bag to meet with him when they got the call about the threats to Dr Barton and his son and it was weeks before she could get away again. She never told him about the panic when she found nothing but a pool of blood and bullet hole in the wall at Hotch's apartment.

After walking away from the pack in DC she texted him and immediately headed north not caring if he would get away or not. A night alone or a night with him… either was good for her as long as she could escape for a while.

She didn't even bother to go home after rescuing Julie and Carol from the Reinman's. The moment the jet took off from Phoenix she texted him and asked if he could meet her.

The morning she got home from Philadelphia they were called to Hapton and she ended up sitting in a room with Hotch and Karl Arnold. Within days they were hot on George Foyet's trail and thanks to JJ's pharmacist they found Peter Rhea and in turn his hideout.

Between Haley's death, Strauss' investigation and back to back cases there was no time to see friends.

The next thing Emily knew she was chasing down Dale Schrader in Lockport after he kidnapped his daughter Jenny.

She vaguely remembers watching Bunting die and forcing herself out of through the windshield of the car. Everything is blurry as she aims and fires one… two… three shots at the retreating truck before falling to the ground. She doesn't know how long she waits before the ambulance with Morgan in it comes along. At the end of it all she will have a vague recollection of holding an ice pack to her head while arguing with Morgan about… something… she's pretty sure she lost the argument.

The waiting in the hospital is interminable as she lies on the gurney in the ER. She is struggling to conceive of time as the ice barely touches the throbbing in her head. The world is pulsing and waving in front of her eyes as they stitch up her arm and head. The adrenaline is making her jittery and all she wants to do is get out of the hospital and chase Dale Schrader down so she can pound on him for a while. Once that's done she's going to work on his friend.

She's not really paying attention… tetanus shot… Antibiotics… painkillers… pregnant… HCg levels… pregnant?

"Huh…?" is all she manages to get out as she tries to focus on the Doctor's face after a few moments she succeeds and manages to actually take in what he's saying.

"Your blood test results are showing elevated levels of HCg which is indicative of pregnancy… looking at these numbers 4 to 5 weeks. From your response I'm guessing you didn't know." he smiles gently before continuing to speak but between the concussion and shock nothing is penetrating.

"Doc… I've missed everything you've just said… can you write it all down and I'll see my Doctor when I get back to DC?"

She shoves the paperwork into her pocket and shoves everything into a box to be dealt with later.

Emily waits until they have the Mullers safe before slipping away to call her Doctor and book in an appointment for the day after they get back to DC.

Her body feels like one giant bruise when she manages to haul herself out of bed and to the doctors 48 hours later. There's nothing much to see on the ultrasound... not even a heartbeat yet just confirmation that something is in there. Another blood test… another interminable wait and it's confirmed. Her HCg levels have tripled since the initial blood test and she wonders if it's the concussion, shock or morning sickness that's making her nauseas.

She has a week of medical leave, without calling him beforehand she catches a cab down to union station and gets on the next train to New York.

This time it's her sitting outside his building waiting for him to get home. She catches a glimpse of him walking down the street and is about to stand and call out when she sees who he's with.

There's a baby on his hip and a four year old between him the woman she thought divorced him.

She has a diamond ring and a gold band on her ring finger and smiles as he kisses her on the lips.

When the realisation that he's just another loser who's BS she fell for penetrates, she slips into an alley and waits 15 minutes before walking away and hailing a cab. She sends him a text saying she's met someone and wants to see where it goes.

Emily never wants to see Malcolm Cooper again.

She spends the night in an expensive hotel ignoring what she witnessed and manages to get a seat on the 5:30 am train back to DC. When she gets home her first thought as she wanders through her condo is that there's no where to put a crib.

Her second isn't can she do this… she knows she can but should she do this.

She's a 39 year old single workaholic ex CIA operative who has weeks where she's away more than she's home. There's any number of cases that can come back to bite her in the ass. She was at the funeral of a perfect example less than a month ago.

She's spent the last year in a sexual relationship with a man who has been lying about his marital status the entire time. Really she's more embarrassed by the fact that the behavioural analyst didn't pick up on the lie than anything else.

Emily knows if she continues with the pregnancy she'll be doing this alone. She'll either need to get a Nanny or quit the BAU. As much as the team will support her there will be no one to co-parent with, no one to share the ups and downs with, late night feedings, all the firsts, teething, crawling, illnesses, talking... it will be hers and hers alone.

She falls into an exhausted sleep somewhere around midday caught between the wanting and the having...

When she wakes it's dark outside... that's not hard in December. She has missed calls from her mother and Hotch.

Hitting the speaker she listens to the messages without getting out of bed. Her mother wants to know if she'll make it for Christmas with her in Spain... Hotch confirming her return to work next week.

Chewing her lip she wonders... if there's anyone who'll understand it's her Mother and Hotch. A quick glance at her watch... it's just before midnight in Madrid... too late for the conversation she needs to have... a conversation that will either make or break the relationship with her mother. Hotch will still be at the office and that's not the place to have the conversation she needs to have with him.

She shoots off a quick text to her mother confirming she won't be there for Christmas and requesting a Skype session the next day whenever Elizabeth is free.

Emily deliberates over the message to Hotch a while longer trying to decide if she wants to talk her mother first.

 **Ok for desk duty Monday. Need to talk to you before then. Can I come over after Jack is in bed?**

The absolute last thing she want's to do is interrupt the precious time Hotch gets with his son. They're still grieving and adjusting to life without Haley... a part of her doesn't want to put this on him but he's the only one in the team who'll understand.

She quickly receives an affirmative from the Unit Chief telling her any time after 8 is fine.

When Hotch opens the front door to his apartment just after 8:30 he immediately senses a fragility he didn't believe existed. The bruises are stark against her paler than normal skin and there's a weariness he didn't expect.

Her request for juice when he offers her a drink surprises him as well. From her demeanour and request to do this after hours he would expect this conversation to be had over a beer or glass of wine.

Pushing herself onto the stool at the bench she studies the condensation ring for a moment before lifting her head and looking him in the eye.

"I wouldn't normally ask you this... but... I need to make a choice" her voice cracks slightly "and you're the only one who'd really understand..." she swallows hard "Is he worth it...? Worth the fear, and the time away, the things missed, the risk, the crippling doubt... is Jack worth it."

Clarity hits him like the two by four swung by Joseph Smith...

"Yes" he doesn't elaborate, he doesn't need to, he probably didn't actually need to be asked the question but Emily needed to hear his doubtless answer. He pauses to let her process his answer before asking a question of his own.

"How far along are you?"

"Nearly 6 weeks."

He nods and contemplates her demeanour... despite the no profiling rule Hotch figures this is one of those times it's ok to break it.

"You're terrified..." he states softly, nodding at the slightly trembling hands and rapid breaths puffing in and out of chapped lips "We all know you've been seeing someone and given the question you just asked me I suspect his absence is a factor in your decision. If you need additional time off that's fine and this conversation never happened. If however you don't you are in for the hardest, most painfully rewarding experience of your life. Every positive and negative will be sharper, every dead child will have their face and every saved child will put you back together. Every minute away is torture and every minute with them is peace." he drops back into silence, he's given her the words she needed to hear.

"You remember the case in Reno... just after Liberty Ranch?" her voice is rough, she really didn't want to admit how badly she'd been used "It started when we got back. We'd been friends for a while and he told me his wife had left him" Hotch inhales sharply "It wasn't serious... it was fun and relaxing... turns out his wife never left him... I found out I was pregnant after the car accident in Lockport... yesterday I discovered I was his piece on the side. I went to tell him and found him with his wife and kids." she huffs out a breath with a small shake of the head "I'm not going pine away with a broken heart, I feel kinda stupid for not picking up on the lie... but hindsight and all that... so I'm in this alone…" she blinked as the meaning of what she had just said took hold.

She drained the cup and pushed herself off the stool "Thank you… I already knew exactly what you were going to say…" she pauses and a small smile graces her face as she realises her choice had already been made "I'll see you Monday"

"Emily… Congratulations" He pulls her into a light hug

The conversation with her mother the next day was strange. She'd held up the print out from the Doctor and blurted out the whole story. Elizabeth sat there stunned for a moment before asking the only question Emily wanted to hear right at that moment.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes… no…." Emily blew out a hard breath, she'd been trying to work out the answer to that question for the last 5 days "Can I get back to you on that?"

Elizabeth smiled and nodded "I'm guessing you want to keep this under wraps until you hit the second trimester?"

"Yeah... My doctor is pretty surprised the pregnancy held in the car accident, while things look ok now..."

"Does anyone else know?" Elizabeth hoped Emily had some kind of support in DC. Despite popular belief to the contrary she was well aware of the pitfalls of Emily's upbringing. She also knew she'd lost her daughter in the mid 80's and it wasn't until Emily transferred to the BAU that they started to reconnect and rebuild. These days they were speaking more often than in the past but they still easily riled each other up, and mis-communicated more often than not.

"I spoke to Hotch earlier today. He's the only one who could answer the question I had."

"What question is that, Em?"

"Is it worth it?"

"Alway's..." Elizabeth smiled gently "Even when you can't do anything but watch from afar and hope that one day you'll get a chance to make things right." An idea flitted through Elizabeth's mind... but she didn't bring it up yet. Emily wasn't ready for it, maybe in a few months time when she wasn't recovering from a car accident and reconciling an unexpected pregnancy with the concept of being a single parent.

They chatted for a while, catching up on the little things.

By the time Monday came around Emily was feeling much more centred. No longer battling the after affects of the concussion she made sure the paperwork from her doctor was in order and went straight to Hotch's office when she arrived just after 8am.

"Here's my clearance for desk duty" she handed over the first sheet from her GP "and here are my current maternity duty requirements." a wide relaxed grin was on her face as Hotch glanced over the documents restricting her from flying. "I see my doctor again the first week of January, depending on how everything looks she might lift the travel restriction."

"Well barring National emergency we're on stand down until then anyway" Hotch quickly scanned the paperwork. He'd pulled up the maternity duty policy that morning and was already rearranging the team assignments in his head. His basic plan was to move JJ and Reid into the field more and leave Emily with victimology and families. He really hoped she'd been paying attention to Reid when he was doing geographic profiles.

"That gets me through to 9 weeks. If possible I want to keep this under-wraps until the end of January but if I'm not cleared for travel we'll need to tell the team something."

"Even if you are cleared they're going to wonder why you're stuck on interviews and victimology."

"Let them wonder..." Emily shrugged "Dave and Garcia are the only ones who'll ask me outright what's going on. Reid will notice but not question it, JJ will play the concerned friend and tell me I can talk to her about anything and Morgan will brood silently and then come and question you about why I'm in the penalty box."

"What happened to no intra-team profiling" Hotch grinned unable to find any fault in her logic.

"Please..." Emily scoffed "that's not profiling, that's knowing your friends."

Christmas and New Year passed uneventfully except for the constant state of low grade nausea Emily found herself in. She never actually threw up but found herself unable to stomach the idea of anything heavier that soups and sandwiches...

She's pretty sure that more than anything piqued the teams curiosity.

As predicted she's cleared to fly in the new year and doesn't miss the mildly surprised looks on their faces when she's relegated to interviews and victimology in Atlanta.

She catches Rossi looking at her suspiciously when the same happens in Wyoming, but they're all too caught up in trying to work out who the hell is convincing these kids to choke themselves to death for him to question her. Hotch is trying not to coddle her or give anything away but when they arrive back at the station with Wilson Summers in custody neither of them miss how pale and exhausted she is.

Emily isn't sure what takes him so long but Rossi finally questions her when they get back from Miami, it's the third case in a row Hotch restricted where she went. Given her lack of irritation at being left behind, a single coffee with breakfast and not seeing her scarf down a single burger in nearly two months he decides to test out one more thing and invites her into his office and pulls out the good scotch he has hidden.

When she turns it down his face breaks into a wide grin...

"You are pregnant then?"

"Just on 12 weeks…" she confirmed and didn't get to say anything else before she was swept up in a bear hug.

She relaxed into the hug, her Mother and Hotch had both been happy for her but she hadn't been ready for a joyful response then. She was now.

"Thank you..."

He pulled her down on the couch and looked her up and down with a soft look in his eyes. His memory going back to a freezing lot early in the year and the decisions she'd made as a teen. It had been obvious at the time she had long ago made her peace with the decision and regretted the impact those events had on Matthew more than terminating the pregnancy.

"Who else knows... just so I know who I can gossip with."

"Hotch, my mom and my doctor" Emily confirmed "I knew you'd be the first to ask me outright."

"When are you planning to tell the rest of the team...?"

Emily let an evil grin spread slowly "I'm not..." she looked down to her belly which was just starting to curve out gently "I've got a month, maybe 6 weeks before I can't hide it. If anyone asks directly I'll confirm it... I've got 10 bucks riding on Garcia asking me next... Hotch thinks Reid'll make an off hand comment and accidentally put it together. We both agreed you'd be the first to notice and say something." Rossi chuckled and nodded as he considered the options.

"If it's Garcia she'll squeal loud enough to bring the others running and spill the beans and if it's Reid…" Emily had thought long and hard about how to announce her pregnancy to the team.

"He'll bring up some obscure pregnancy related fact in front of the team telling them for you?" Dave paused for a moment and considered the various reactions of their teammates and accepting her plan of just letting the team work it out for themselves.

"They all already know somethings up, Morgan's grumbling about missing you in the field with him but because you're not causing a fuss over it they don't want to bring it up with Hotch yet. How do I get in on this action, because I have a third option for you..."

It took another two weeks for someone to put the pieces together and said something. Emily was talking to Reid in the break room when Garcia walked into the bullpen looking for Morgan. As her eyes roamed past the two of them she stopped and did a double take. It wasn't overly obvious but there was a curve to Emily's frame that hadn't been there before. Cocking her head to the side Garcia studied her friend noting the weight gain in very specific places. Hips, lower belly... a little bit up in the boobs but nothing anywhere else.

"Oh... My... God..." her eyes widened comically as Emily heard the exclamation and turned to face the technical analyst.

"That's... you're PREGGERS!" at her screech Hotch and Rossi both popped out of their offices, JJ bolted around the corner and Anderson walked into a wall.

"What?" Reid spun round to stare at her incredulously.

"Yes I'm pregnant and thank you Garcia, you just won me $20.00" Emily grinned as the redhead fanned herself for a moment before running towards Emily and wrapping her arms around her.

"Why didn't you say something… how far along are you… when's the baby due… is your baby daddy happy…?" Garcia babbled happily as the two rocked back and forth in the hug.

"14 weeks so they're due mid August and I was conducting an experiment on how long it would take a group of crack profilers, a tech goddess and media goddess to notice a pregnancy." Penelope looked at her askew at the avoidance of the question about the father but decided to leave it for now.

"Was I first?" Garcia's eyes widened in excitement.

"Third in the team" Emily shrugged "Well, technically second, Hotch doesn't count, I had to tell him cause I'm on restricted field duty and Rossi guessed two weeks ago."

"Did I hear baby?" JJ walked up to them with a smile and hugged Emily as she nodded happily. "I can't believe I didn't notice!"

Up on the catwalk Dave wandered over to stand next to Hotch and the two of them watched as the JJ and Garcia continued to exuberantly congratulate Emily while Reid stood there and processed.

A slow smile crossed his face as he studied Emily before he spoke "They'll start sucking their thumb about now!"

"Who'll start sucking their thumb?" Morgan questioned as he came up behind the group.

"The fetus in Emily's uterus" Reid commented absently while still studying his friend.

"The what in Emily's what now" Morgan turned to stare incredulously at her midsection.

"You do know what a fetus is don't you?" Emily teased him "the unborn offspring of a human being."

"I know what a fetus is…" he said a little snippily "I just didn't realise..." he stopped not sure how to finish the sentence "our Prentiss is gonna be a Mama!" he eventually decides on, his face breaks into a grin.

By this time Rossi and Hotch had finally joined the rest of the team.

"Pay up boys!" Emily declares as Morgan releases her from the hug holding her hand out to Rossi and Hotch.

"What was the bet?" JJ asked as they each placed $10.00 in Emily's palm.

"Who would notice and say something to me next. I said Garcia, Hotch said Reid and Rossi… poor delusional Rossi put his money on Kevin."

"Kevin?" JJ choked out with a laugh "Kevin Lynch made the list above me and Morgan?"

"What exactly were the terms of this bet?" Morgan glared at them collectively unable to decide if he was more pissed at them for betting on the rest of the team or himself for not picking up on what he could now see were blatantly obvious signs.

"Rossi caught on in Wisconsin and finally got me to admit it two weeks ago. Hotch and I agreed on that at the beginning." Emily began. "Hotch thought Reid would make an off hand remark and accidently put it together. Rossi's bet was Kevin would make an ill advised comment about me gaining weight, I knew I could rely on my favourite tech kitten to not just work it out but make enough noise to announce it to the rest of the team for me."

 **END CHAPTER 1**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

 **March 2010**

The coddling is ten times worse than Emily expected.

Garcia took it upon herself to drown Emily in healthy teas and snacks she made at home.

Morgan and Reid stole consults out of her to do pile when they thought she wasn't looking.

JJ refused to help her steal them back.

Rossi laughed at her when she complained, took the consults off Morgan and Reid under the guise of doing them himself and gave them back to Emily.

Hotch berated the rest of the team in public and encouraged them in private.

* * *

With the rest of the team in the field it's up to Emily to go with Sara Hillridge to her home and when she walks into the room and sees the wall covered in information on missing children one hand goes to her throat and the other to the 15 week baby belly she's attempting to hide with a loose turtleneck and a jacket.

Even in her mildly intoxicated state Sara doesn't miss the gesture or the meaning of it.

Emily doesn't let the questioning gaze deter her from doing her job.

"Does it scare you?" Sara asks as they're heading back to the BAU "Having a baby in this job and seeing everything you see?"

Emily pauses for a moment wondering if honesty is the best policy here… "Yes it does."

It's a mixed result… they find Aimee Lynch alive… and Charlie and Mae. When they bring the kids in Emily stays out of the bull pen. Her emotions are all over the place and the last thing these families need is a pregnant FBI agent crying as they reunite or grieve.

She doesn't fight against the coddling as much after that particular case.

* * *

"Hey Emily" Reid had a child like grin on his face "Did you know pregnant women are more prone to broken bones because of a hormone called relaxin. It causes your joints to soften in preparation for giving birth"

Emily pulled $10.00 out of her pocket and handed it over to Hotch, Rossi also passed $10.00 to Hotch and another $10.00 to Emily.

* * *

The first time her nose starts bleeding in the jet everyone but Reid and Emily panics.

Emily's doctor had warned that this might happen. Between the pregnancy induced higher blood volume and change in air pressure, when things calm down Emily is surprised it had taken this long to happen.

They were on their way to New Mexico, discussing the case when the tickle started in her nose. She twitched slightly and ignored it… but then it moved and there was a weird wet feeling on her upper lip.

"Prentiss…?" Hotch was the first to see it, his eyes wide and worried. Not understanding what was bothering him until she swiped at her still irritated nose leaving a streak of blood along her hand.

Frowning at the bright red she absently took the tissue Hotch held out to her and continued with her study of the case file while pinching her nose.

Reid made a valiant attempt to calm the rest of the team down with information while Emily cleaned herself up.

It didn't work…

* * *

Hotch hadn't wanted to take her into the Clemmons house. While the task he had Emily doing didn't quite fall under the category of high risk it was higher than he was comfortable with.

The entire team knew they needed to stop Wade Hatchett and the chances of him getting past the local sheriff, SWAT, Morgan, JJ, Reid, Rossi and Hotch were minimal.

Her normal size vest doesn't fit anymore, so she tries on the spares they have. JJ and Reid's are smaller than hers, Rossi's fit's over her belly but not boobs, Morgan's makes her look like a child playing dress up and while Hotch's is a little big it's the closest fit she can get so pulls it on.

"The next time I vest up will be after my maternity leave" She tells Hotch who nods his agreement, neither of them want her in a vest now but desperate times.

She ends up carrying the screaming girl back to her bedroom while the team and crime scene techs clean up. Emily had turned her away from the window in time but between the gunshot from outside and the yelling of the team she's terrified.

When Rossi comes to check on them an hour later Emily is sitting up against the bed head, vest off and Jody next to her, little hands tracing the belly as she peppers Emily with questions about the baby.

"Jody, just wait here while I go talk to Agent Rossi."

"Okay!"

Stepping out of the room they speak in low tones so the 7 year old doesn't over hear.

"Does she know what happened?" Rossi asks

"No… maybe. She says her Dad is talking to the police about keeping the Queen safe." Emily tells him.

"Cause what little girl wants to believe her Daddy is a serial killer who put a bullet through his brain…"

By the time Jody's social worker turns up Nancy has been taken to the hospital and reunited with Courtney, the coroner has taken away Wade Hatchetts body and Emily has managed to keep her distracted with games, homework and dinner.

"I don't think I should be there when you tell Jody" Emily admits to the social worker and Hotch. "She's already getting attached and I'll be getting on a plane tomorrow to go home."

They both agree and Emily says goodbye before meeting Reid at the Tahoe and heading back to the station.

Reid doesn't mention the tears she swipes off her cheeks.

* * *

"Jody lost her mom and then her dad, and the couple that was gonna adopt her backed out. It's all over the news. It's just... It's just not fair." Emily barely held back the tears she wanted to cry for the little girl she'd comforted after her father commited suicide..

Morgan watched her hand rest on the baby thumb lightly running up and down. "Her aunt saw the story. She came forward. She'd lost touch with Jody's mom over the past few years, but she's her only living relative and she wants to raise Jody…" he zeroed in on exactly what she was thinking "... and if you think that baby of yours is ever gonna be left alone in the world you're insane."

She's 17 weeks along. At her last appointment her OB had offered to tell her the baby's sex but Emily didn't want to know. According to Reid soon they'll have nails, eyelashes and eyebrows… and will be big and strong enough for the movements to be more than light fluttering here and there.

The cell free fetal DNA test had come back clear and she'd refused any further testing.

"This kid already got through a condom, a depo-provera shot and a car accident. It's the most stubborn person I've ever met already and whatever is, already is and I'll deal with that."

* * *

Garcia has elected herself Emily's personal baby shopper and has been flooding her email with links to nursery theme's, cribs, strollers, clothes, bassinets.

Some even have a note next to it 'I've already bought this'

She's not that worried about it all at the moment. Emily is more worried about having room for the baby. She'd given up the expensive condo after they got back from New York and downsized because she could no longer convince herself the space and the view were worth the expense when she wasn't there often enough to enjoy it.

So she spent her down time looking for a new place to live. Preferably an apartment or condo so she didn't need to worry about a yard, something close to a park and the I-95.

Her search zone had centered on Alexandria and Annandale and she wanted 3 bedrooms so the Nanny she was going to have to get had their own bedroom.

She and JJ were discussing the condo she'd just exchanged on as they wandered down the street hot drinks in hand when they saw Garcia striding towards them with more bags that they can count hanging off her arms.

"Oh no…" Emily mutters under her breath.

"I know, I know, I know…" She's slightly out of breath "Don't say it, but when you see what's in here, and… and it's not my fault. They were calling to me, I swear. And they were all on sale, so if you think about it that means I'm helping the economy which is more that I can say for you guys… cause no one else has bags…" she trailed off finally catching on that neither of the other two had made any purchases other than coffee.

"Yeah… please tell me all of those aren't for my baby who isn't even born yet?" Emily already knows the answer.

"They're not" maybe she was wrong… then Garcia holds up the smallest bag "this one is for Kevin."

At their looks Garcia stamps her foot "It is my duty as a fairy godmother to _spoil_ the child. I am _not_ taking them back now give me my coffee and nobody is going to get hurt."

Holding the coffee out of Garcia's reach Emily frowns "Who said you're god mother?"

"I'm not… I'm the fairy godmother who is fun and shops and spoils with copious amounts of sugar. Don't pick me to be a good influence… that's JJ!" she announces imperiously making a grab for her half-caf, extra shot, venti, 2 pump, nonfat, hold the whip caramel macchiato as JJ's phone goes off.

After JJ finishes presenting the case and the rest of the team goes to get ready to fly out Emily remains stubbornly in her chair staring at Hotch.

"I am not dragging my 6 months pregnant self on a 7 hour flight from DC to Juneau and then onto a prop plane to the middle of nowhere." she declares at his questioning look. The travel for their last two cases in San Francisco and New Mexico had been hard enough for her. She was ok once they got there but as comfortable as the jet seats were they weren't built for a pregnant lady.

He blinks and stares at her. Emily hated being left behind and with no Garcia here who knows what she would get up to.

"I can call my OB and get a travel restriction if you need me to" it wouldn't be hard, her Doctor had written up an undated order for Emily who had adamantly declared at the time it wouldn't be necessary. All she needed to do was call the doctor's office and it would be signed dated and sent to her.

"No… no… that's fine. Start working on victim history for us, we'll keep in touch as best we can."

Emily smiles and relaxes back into the chair just as the baby delivers a solid kick.

"Be nice to mama" she murmurs "I just got us out of going to bumfuck Alaska."

* * *

Neither Emily nor Elizabeth talk about the money that suddenly starts appearing in Emily's account.

It's not an exorbitant amount, just enough to make up the difference between her mortgage from the old place and the new place and Elizabeth's way of showing support.

They're getting better at speaking… conversations seem to be easier over skype than in person, maybe because it's easier to hang up on someone than walk away from a combative conversation.

Emily is surprised when Elizabeth announces she accepted a 2 year assignment to the State Department in DC and will be back in the country full time about a month before the baby is due. They haven't lived in the same city for that length of time since Emily was in high school.

She still gets the occasional email from Cooper… she doesn't really know how to respond considering she's pregnant with a child she never told him about.

A part of her wants to blurt out the entire story… berate him for lying… demand he tell his wife he'd cheated on her for over a year.

She doesn't, mostly Emily can't be bothered with the battle it will start and she doesn't want her child embroiled in a cross state tug of war.

She doesn't want him and doesn't need him. When the baby gets old enough to ask she's thinking about lying and telling it she had a drunken one night stand and barely remembers his face let alone name. She can truthfully tell them they were loved and wanted by her from the beginning.

So she scales things back to where they were right after New York and leaves longer and longer gaps between her responses hoping he'll give up eventually.

He does just as she hits the third trimester and she will never admit how relieved she is.

Emily is pretty sure Hotch has worked out who the father is based on what she told him that night in his apartment. She's also just as sure the rest of the team hasn't worked it out and if she has her way they never will.

They all attempt to get the information out of her at one point or another but she remains firm.

She and the father had parted ways amicably, he had made his choice and she had made hers.

All true…

* * *

The last case she travels with the team takes them to LA, she has just over 4 weeks until her due date and everything about it is horrible.

The entire flight over was plagued with a baby who alternated between kicking her in the diaphragm and hiccuping. It had been cute and exciting at first and now just kept her awake when she just wanted to sleep the next 4 weeks away.

She ends up doing the one thing she swore she would never do on the job… she calls her Mother… she's been getting the run around on who can give her access to the cities emergency broadcast system. Morgan is injured, and the rest of the team is running around frantically trying to track down Billy Flynn.

She and Hotch are hoping that if she can get on the air and talk to him, make a connection he might let Ellie go.

She doesn't yet know how she's going to make that connection but she'll do her damndest.

Elizabeth comes through for her and gives her the name and phone number of a State Senator who was in the diplomatic corps with Elizabeth in the early 80's. Emily actually recognises the name and has a vague recollections of the man being posted in Morocco with them.

When she call's, Emily learns her mother had already laid the groundwork and there was a car on it's way to the station to escort her to the communications building where she can broadcast from.

Sitting down at the microphone and takes a deep breath, to which the baby responds by delivering a swift kick to her left kidney.

Nodding at the technician the red light goes green and she starts to speak.

"My name is Emily Prentiss, I'm an Agent with the FBI and I'm hoping that this broadcast is being heard by Billy Flynn. Hi Billy. I've been asked to talk to you tonight in the hope that you're willing to speak to us in return. You see, in the last few days I've learned a lot about you but I still don't know you. I know you were born in 1949, your mother's name was Nora and you don't know who your father is. I know you've travelled all over the country, I know that since the age of 13 you haven't really had a home and before that home wasn't a good place to be. I don't know much else for sure. So I have to wonder how bad it was… growing up the way you did… growing up without love and compassion… without companionship and someone you could trust above all else." she lets out a small huff.

"My Mom and I fight all the time, we push each other's buttons and constantly misunderstand what the other is trying to say… it causes a lot of hurt feelings but at the end of the day I know without a doubt I can go to her for help. I know she will do anything for me… and I know she loves me despite frustrating the hell out of me sometimes and I have to wonder what it's like to grow up without that. Without that assurance… I hope one day my kids will know the same… and I hope you want Ellie Spicer to have different to what you had. I hope you'll let her come back home where she is loved and treasured... Where she will never have to suffer the way you did."

* * *

As they disembark the jet in DC 48 hours later Emily reaches out and snags Hotch's jacket sleeve. Pausing they let the rest of the team go ahead of them and he can't help but notice how run down she is. How much she's struggling with the travel now.

"I'm going to call my Doctor in the morning and get that letter taking me off travel until my maternity leave." She was hoping to get through another case or two but she just can't keep up with the pace of life on the road right now.

He smiles sadly and nods. "We'll miss you on the road, but I understand. Your baby and your health comes first."

* * *

Her mother is waiting outside her condo with Thai when she gets home that night.

"Yes I heard the whole thing." Elizabeth smiles as she follows Emily in and starts to unpack the bags in the living room. "Go change, this will keep for a few minutes."

When Emily returns everything is laid out and ready to eat, the smell causing Emily's stomach to growl which the baby responds to by kicking her in the ribs.

"Ok, ok… I'm feeding us." it doesn't take her long to inhale half of the beef massaman her mother brought.

"It's true you know" Elizabeth breaks the silence first "I'll do anything for you."

"I know" Emily reaches out and grabs her mother's hand "I didn't always… but I do now."

Then Emily does something she never thought she would.

"This isn't my first pregnancy…" she blurts out surprising both of them.

Elizabeth sits there her mouth opening and closing completely at a loss on what to say.

"I got pregnant when we lived in Rome and had an abortion…"

"We left Rome 4 weeks after your 16th birthday" Elizabeth whispers, the revelation filling in some of the missing pieces of the picture of just where things had gone so wrong so long ago.

"Yeah… I don't regret it…" the story comes pouring out… the loneliness, the desire to fit in, getting involved in the party scene with Matthew and Jon… The blind panic when she works out what is wrong with her… Matthew staying by her side the whole time.

"I guess, I regret getting pregnant, being so willing to do whatever it took to fit in. I regret what it did to Matthew, what it did to us… I don't regret terminating the pregnancy."

"Do you know what I regret." Elizabeth couldn't stop the tear that leaked down her cheek "I regret not slowing down… One of the others warned me in Morocco… he told me to bring you back to the US for high school, you needed the stability, but I didn't believe him. I didn't want to see that my choices were hurting you. There was a position at the UN in New York I was supposed to take, but when Rome came up I chose it. I regret convincing myself you weren't hiding how hurt you were when we didn't come home like I promised and not trying harder to get past your tough facade…"

"Is that why you've come home now?"

"Yeah… you're gonna have a baby… I want to be there… buy groceries for you or bring take out when you need it. I want to pop by after work with whatever I found in the shops that day, do the washing while you nap, be the baby sitters back up when you go back to work. I don't want your baby to only know me through skype and pictures."

* * *

"Hey Hotch" Emily conferenced herself in from Quantico as she studied the victim board she'd been working on when the team left the previous afternoon.

"Emily? Still nothing…?"

"Nada… this kid's ignoring all the eviction notices. Doc's medically inducing in 48 hours if they don't leave of their own free will by then." In the background she could hear JJ sniggering.

"How far past your due date are you now?" the media liaison asked.

"6 day's... not sure where this stubbornness came from" Emily commented wryly, the membrane sweep the previous afternoon had been unpleasant and she'd been having light contractions on and off ever since. Hopefully they'd move to more on than off, she really didn't want further medical or mechanical intervention to get the baby out.

Her Doctor had not been sure her coming into work was a good idea, but when she'd argued her case for coming into Quantico she'd been swayed.

 _"Look at it this way. If I'm in the office I won't be sitting alone in my condo, I'll be moving around, I'll have company and I'll have immediate access to medical help."_

Emily spent the day in the conference room working with the information Garcia had been digging up on their victims and possible suspects. The constant movement from table to board helping relieve the pressure the baby had been constantly putting on her lower back.

Sometime around lunch time she noticed the contractions had settled into a steady rhythm. As instructed she started to track the time. By 4pm they were 20 minutes apart. If things continued to progress at this speed she would be heading to the hospital around midnight, which she really didn't want to do. Once she was home a quick call to her Doctor resulted in her ordering Emily to the hospital straight away. By the time she parked at GWUH the contractions were down to every 11 minutes but no more intense.

Shouldering her backpack she ambled her way into the hospital and waited patiently in line at admit… even stepping back and letting a man with his toddler go in front of her.

"Oh, I've got hours…" she smirks swaying gently from foot to foot which she worked out earlier in the day helped her to ride through a contraction with minimal discomfort.

By the time Emily gets through admit and up to the maternity ward it's close to 8pm and the last two contractions were 10 minutes apart.

"It looks like baby Prentiss just needed a little prod to get moving" Dr Jones joked as she examined Emily "Your cervix is still at 3 centimeters and membranes are still intact… feel free to wander around as much as you want." she pulled her gloves off and pulled up a stool to sit next to Emily "Now, are you sure you want to do this alone? It's not too late to phone a friend."

"I'm good" Emily shook her head "I've had a couple of friends and my mother offer but… honestly I wouldn't be able to focus with someone who's not medical personal in here… and it sounds bad but this baby is mine..." she trailed off as another contraction started, rolling to her side she breathed slowly through it.

"I don't want them to see the baby born… they're mine." she finished when the contraction was over.

"Ok… and you still don't want to be offered pain relief?"

"None, if I need it I'll ask." Emily confirmed "You should also have my instructions if something goes wrong and I can't make my own decisions?"

"I do, they're on your file, I'll leave you to it and unless something happens I'll be back to check on you in 2 hours."

Once she was alone in the room, Emily putters round, pulling her book out and setting her iPad and phone to charge. She briefly contemplates letting the team know but they're on the trail of an LDSK in San Francisco and don't need to be distracted by her.

Settling in the massage chair conveniently by the window she set's it to low rolling pressure on her lower back and opens the book her mother had recommended she read years before but Emily had never gotten around to reading. It was the autobiography of a British journalist who had spent close to 2 decades as a foreign correspondent for the BBC.

Within the first few paragraphs Emily is completely lost in *Kate Adie's story.

" _Did you read the weather forecast as well?"_

 _The red light went on in my newly fledged broadcasters brain. The BBC might tut-tut over mucking about with the price of sheep and pigs, but the weather forecast? A sacred cow, interference with which was likely to be a sackable offence._

" _No, I didn't read it," I said truthfully, and received a short lecture on alcohol and broadcasting._

 _Of course I didn't read it. Apparently, I sang it._

With the welcome massage and mental distraction Emily settled in and managed to pass the next few hours easily. Making sure to stand and walk regularly.

It was close to 11 when the Doctor came back in and confirmed everything was right on track. The contractions were down to 8 minutes and cervix was now 3 and a half centimeters dilated. Putting the book to the side Emily let her eyes drift closed and relaxed into sleep.

Her eyes popped open an hour later when a nurse eased quietly through the door.

"Go back to sleep" she whispered "I'm just checking the readouts…"

"We all good?" Emily murmured half asleep.

"Yeah, everything looks fine."

Emily nodded and let sleep take her over again. This set to the tone for the rest of the night, a nurse would come in and check on them, Emily would go and pee then go back to sleep. Then just after 7 am she was woken by a blinding contraction along with a sticky wetness leaking down her backside and legs. Staring up at the ceiling Emily took slow deep breaths counting to 10 in alternating languages until it passed.

Reaching out and hitting the call button as she'd been instructed to the previous evening, she struggled upright but couldn't quite get enough leverage to get herself out of the chair.

Moment's later a Nurse, not the one that had woken her hourly throughout the night, popped through the door.

"I think my water broke and I'm stuck…" Emily grinned sheepishly, this was one of the reasons she didn't want anyone here with her.

"Come on… let's get you up and changed and I'll call the doctor to see where we're at."

Grimacing at the stickiness coating her lower half Emily asked "Can I shower?"

"After the Doctor has checked you over."

The nurse, Mara according to the name badge, leaned over and hit a button and guided Emily over to the bed that she ended up leaning face first into as another contraction started.

Forcing herself to breath slowly and deeply Emily counted in Greek "éna, dyo, tría, téssera, pénte, éxi, eptá" by the time she reached 52 it was over.

Glancing at the readout Mara confirmed "3 minutes apart and 52 seconds long… we're heading into active stage. You know you can't be alone in the shower?"

"Yeah, but I'm probably never going to see you again so my care factor is not very high."

Emily hadn't noticed the other nurse that came and went with instructions to page the doctor.

"And now I have to pee…" she muttered pushing herself upright and letting Mara help her get the ruined shorts off before making her way slowly to the bathroom taking all the machinery she was hooked up to with her.

"Leave the door unlocked…" Mara called to her retreating back, earning herself a wave of acknowledgement.

By the time Doctor Jones had been, confirmed yes her waters had broken and she was now 7 centimeters dilated and Emily had showered and changed it was not long after 9am.

Needing a distraction she picked up her cell phone to discover 5 missed calls from Garcia, 1 from JJ, 3 from Hotch and 2 from Rossi all in the last hour.

Just as she was about to text Garcia a message popped through from the analyst in question.

 **You have 5 minutes to call or respond then I'll be tracking your phones location while calling emergency services**

She knew she forgot something… hitting the speed dial for Garcia, it barely rang once before it was picked up the she was being berated.

"Where are you? I was worried, you didn't turn up to work, didn't call or text anyone and didn't answer our calls… Are you ok?"

"Garcia!" Emily snapped "I'm ok… fuck… just… a… minute…" she panted as another contraction took off and she dropped the phone to the bed. When it was finally over she hit the speaker button. "Sorry, I've been at Georgetown since late last night… I was going to call earlier but the Doctor came in to check on me. If everything keeps progressing current ETA on baby Prentiss is later today."

Mara's eyebrows shot up at the pitch of the squeal that came through the phone.

"Oh it's about time baby Prentiss stopped being stubborn like their mama!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" Emily grumbled "Do me a favour and let Hotch know. I'll be in touch when I can."

"No problem sweetness. Let me know if you want company… I can be there in a flash."

"I'm all good, thanks Garcia." Emily hit end before the tech could continue the conversation and possibly traumatise the nurse Emily quite liked so far.

She had just enough time to text her mother before the next contraction started.

As the next two hours passed everything became stronger and more intense.

Mara… it seemed had nothing better to do than keep her company and the nurse was a steady calm presence by her side. Talking her through the contractions as they grew stronger and closer together.

Not that Emily would be able to tell anyone but just before midday the Doctor appeared back in the room to find Emily locked into place leaning over the bed, forehead pressed into fists breathing through contractions that had barely any space in between them.

She only just noticed when they nagged her up onto the bed to be examined and the only question that penetrated her concentration was the one she'd been waiting to hear.

"Do you want to push?"

"Good god yes"

"Ok… when I say, you need to push for a count of 10 with the next contraction."

"MmmHmmm" Emily nodded "I'm ready… now?"

"Now!" the Doctor instructed.

 **END CHAPTER 2**

*Kate Adie was a foreign correspondent for the BBC from the late 1970's to the mid 1990's and her autobiography is an amazing read that I highly recommend.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

 **August 2010**

Emily knew the team and her mother would all be on tenterhooks, waiting for news but she didn't really care right at this moment.

All she cared about was the two hour old, 8 pound 3 ounce, 21 inch long miniature human in her arms. They'd had their first cuddles, a feed, a barrage of tests and both been cleaned up and then the doctors and nurses had all disappeared leaving her alone with the tiny creature that had been ruling her life since she found out about their existence and would continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

Her daughter… it still baffled her that she had done this… she had successfully created and brought another human being to life. This tiny person who already had the same dark brown eyes as her, the same ears and chin but her father's nose, complexion and forehead. The delicate brows and dark brown hair could come from either side.

Her brand new baby girl had just about everything she needed right now… a full belly, a clean diaper, a little pink hat and the pale green blanket Emily had brought from home. There was just one thing she was missing… a name.

Reaching out she grabbed her iPad and did a quick google search for a names website. Tapping the search box she entered the meaning she wanted and scrolled through until she found what she was looking for. Grabbing the pen and paper by her bed she quickly wrote it down with the girls middle name she'd decided on months before.

Picking up her phone she pulled up the facetime app and dialed her mother who answered from her office in the State Department on the second ring.

"Emily? What's happening?" Elizabeth peered through the camera shuffling her phone as though her movements would change the view she got from Emily's end.

"Mother, I'd like you to meet Caleigh May Prentiss." she changed the angle so the babies face filled the screen. "Caleigh, this is Grandma."

"Em, she's gorgeous..."

The baby yawned, opened and closed her eyes a few times before turning her face into Emily and going back to sleep.

"She's perfect…" Emily agreed.

They chatted for a few minutes, then, noticing how tired her daughter was Elizabeth told her to get some sleep and she be there to meet the baby in person that evening.

After hanging up with her mother Emily opened the camera and arranged the baby on her chest so she could get both of them in the shot and took a couple of photos. When she went into the camera roll to chose one, a couple of shots that shouldn't be there caught her attention.

Someone… she suspected Nurse Mara… had grabbed her phone in the moments after Caleigh's birth and managed to take pictures.

Her breath caught at the last one, Caleigh was resting on her chest, covered in gunk and staring up at her mother while she nursed for the first time. Emily was pale and sweaty and sported the most stunned smile she'd ever seen on her own face as she stared back down at the newborn.

It was the most beautiful photo she'd ever seen.

Swiping past it she moved on to the photos she'd just taken. Like Caleigh's birth, they were for her and her alone. Emily would never willingly share those pictures with anyone.

Tapping the least blurry picture she selected send and added the team into the send to box.

Adding in Caleigh's full name and vital stats she hit send, lay the baby in her bassinet and closed her eyes for some much needed sleep.

She doesn't even hear the persistent buzz of her friends replying.

* * *

In Quantico Erin Strauss paused and frowned in consternation as a joyful squeal echoed out of Penelope Garcia's office and down the hall.

* * *

David Rossi and Derek Morgan were standing over the body of a 25 year old grad student who'd been shot through the head when their phones buzzed at the same time.

They pulled up the message from Emily and smiled at the beautiful photo she sent them, put their phones away and went back to work

* * *

Spencer Reid and Jennifer Jareau didn't see the message for another hour. They were interviewing the family of a teacher that had been killed the day before.

* * *

Aaron Hotchner forwarded the photo to Jessica with a promise to Jack to go and meet the baby as soon as he got home.

* * *

Her mother was the first to arrive just after 5pm, she arrived in the maternity ward to a peaceful room. They'd managed to nap for two hours before Caleigh was demanding a feed, Emily was seated in the recliner by the window reading with the baby tucked into her pyjama top resting against her chest.

"I read somewhere skin to skin contact is good for babies" Elizabeth smiled at the sight she had honestly never thought she'd see as she pressed a hard kiss to her daughters temple.

"That's what I read as well." Emily eased the baby free and swaddled her in a blanket while Elizabeth pulled the other chair over and took the offered baby.

"She's bigger than you were…" Elizabeth murmured as she held the baby close and studied the peaceful features "God you we're tiny, didn't even tip 6 pounds, you were impatient. Had to get out into the world 3 weeks early..."

"You never told me that?" Emily stared at her mother as she snapped a photo, always wanting to remember this moment.

"I guess we've never really talked about it…" she gently stroked the babies cheek "There are a lot of things we don't talk about."

Emily made a non commital noise, and relaxed back into her chair only to wince as she twisted the wrong way and her entire lower half protested.

They continued to chat quietly until just after 6 when the baby woke up hungry and Penelope Garcia knocked on the door.

"Just a quick flying visit…" the it's a girl balloon preceded the analyst into the room.

"The team all send their love and promise that their first stop after getting back will be here to visit our littlest member...oh... Do you need me to leave while you finish up?" she caught sight of the feeding baby.

"It's fine…" she felt the baby let go "eat mode is over and we're back in sleep mode" she somewhat clumsily burped Caleigh and then let the redhead take the baby.

"Oh my stars… she's prettier than everything…"

"Garcia…" Emily starts, then considers the person she's talking to "Nothing I say will stop you from shopping will it?"

At the blinding grin Emily picked up her phone and snapped a photo and sent it to the team entitled 'Caleigh meets her fairy god hacker!'

* * *

That night was a crash course in newborn sleep patterns for Emily. While she knew theoretically that babies ate every few hours it was a completely different experience to be woken by the unhappy sounds, rouse herself enough to feed the baby and then drop back to sleep and repeat it all a few hours later.

"She's a content little thing." one of the nurses commented when she came to check on them after a ruckus in the hall between feuding in-laws and found Caleigh fast asleep.

"They scared the crap out of me…" Emily grinned "she didn't even notice. It's been less than a day but so far nothing but an empty belly disturbs her."

The profiler in her caught the stiffening of the nurses back and the way her eye widened slightly.

"What is it?" Emily asked.

"Have you been speaking to her?"

"Of course I have, so did my mother and the friend that came to visit last night."

"How does she respond to your voice?" Emily could see the nurse consciously relaxing herself and forcing a smile.

"I… I don't know, she's less than a day old. I didn't know I needed to watch for a specific response."

"You don't, some babies simply don't care what's happening as long as their belly is full. Don't worry about it right now. She's had no problems with feeding over night, and the diapers contain exactly what we'd expect about now. All of the blood tests have come back clean so far and her heart is fine. In a couple of hours we'll need to do another heel prick for full screening and then the audiologist and the opthamologist will be by."

The nurse handed Caleigh back to Emily "Now, how are you doing so far?"

"I'm fine…" the automated response came out. Then she stopped to think about it "I mean I'm sore and tired and I still can't believe she's here but I'm doing ok so far."

A quick check over confirms Emily's heart rate, blood pressure and temperature are all normal and the nurse leaves them to nap.

She's just fed, burped and changed the baby when there's a light tapping at the door. The opthamologist is in there for less than 20 minutes and declares Caleigh's eyes doing exactly what they're supposed to at this point and heads off with a smile and a 'good luck'.

Caleigh is settled and content resting on Emily's chest when the audiologist comes in. As instructed she places the baby in the bassinet and watches with interest as electrodes are attached to various places around her head, chest and back then small cups placed over her ear.

Emily didn't miss the slight down turn of his lips or tightening around the eyes.

"What is it?" she asks quietly as the audiologist gently removes the electrodes.

"Here's the important number for you right now" he starts "90% of babies who don't pass the hearing screening in the hospital after birth will pass the one done in a few weeks by the pediatrician."

* * *

"So when do you go home?" Morgan asked as he gently rocked Caleigh.

The team had arrived home just after midday, and had powered through the paperwork in order to get to the hospital and visit Emily and the baby. Morgan had been the first to finish and had therefore arrived before the others, less that 30 minutes after the audiologist had left.

"Assuming nothing changes overnight, tomorrow." Emily confirmed her eyes not straying from her daughter.

Slowly over the next hour most of the team trickled in and met Caleigh, Emily made sure to take photos of the introductions. The last to arrive was Hotch who had swung by home to pick up Jack.

Holding tight to his father's hand Jack stared around the room wide eyed until they settled on the bundle in Reid's arms.

Waving Jack over to sit on the bed with her Emily then took the baby off Reid and let Jack lean against her so he could cuddle and meet the baby who usurped his youngest member title.

Hotch smiled at the amazement on his sons face, he'd done the math and knew Caleigh had been conceived only a week before Haley died. Pulling out his own phone he got a picture of Jack staring at the baby wondrously. He quickly forwarded it to Jessica and the Brooks' and then watches his son with the day old baby.

Reaching out he ran a single finger along the babies tiny ones, eyes flickering from his to hers "They're so small…" he whispered and then "her head is shaped funny."

Hotch blushed and Emily smirked while everyone else hid their grins behind hastily raised hands.

"Here…" Emily takes his hand and gently slides it over Caleigh's head "feel that?" Jack nodded "your head was just like that when you were a baby. When babies are born their heads still have some growing to do, soon it'll be just like yours and mine."

The little boy relaxes into Emily's side and continues to study Caleigh seriously, while the adults chat.

When it becomes apparent Emily is starting to fade they start to make their excuses and head for home making Emily promise to call if she needs anything.

With her car still in the parking lot, car seat installed, everything set up in her condo and her mother doing a grocery check that evening she doesn't anticipate needing anything from any of them for the next few days.

Mostly she just wants time to process the information the audiologist gave her and do her own research.

Dave and Hotch paused at the hospital doors, the entire team had noticed Emily's disquiet and while everyone got a cuddle she was quick to take the baby back. Most of them rode it off as brand new parent nerves but there was something about her attentiveness to Caleigh that concerned both of them.

Their eyes met briefly and Dave turned back around he made his way back to the elevator banks and up to the maternity ward. As he approached Emily's room voices inside caused him to pause and wait.

"How did she go with the visitors?" an unknown female voice asked.

"Fine... not a peep from her. Didn't even react when one of my friends sneezed." Emily's voice was rough and cracking.

"Emily... a failed audiology test is not a definitive diagnosis a lot of babies score low or fail this first test and there's absolutely nothing wrong with their hearing. Wait until the second test before assuming the worst."

Dave continued to listen as Emily and the pediatrician discussed the babies test results.

10 minutes later the Doctor exited the room and smirked at Dave as she walked past and Emily's voice called out to him.

"Come on in Rossi"

He slips in through the door and is about to ask how she knew he was there when he saw a clear reflection of where he was standing in the window.

"All caught up?" she's sitting up in bed, legs bent at the knee, a wide awake Caleigh propped against her thighs.

"Mostly…" Dave pulls up a chair "We all noticed something was up, I knew you were more likely to talk without a crowd."

"I think I'm the only one worried I just…" Emily wouldn't look at him, instead kept her eyes focussed on the baby "She's perfect Dave… and I'm never going to think differently so I think I just want an answer either way so I can make sure I'm good enough for her."

Dave leans forward and rests and gentle hand on hers "From what little I know of parenthood that's the whole ball game."

* * *

Dave doesn't stay long and Emily takes the advice given to her by a number of people. In the first few weeks, when the baby sleeps so do you.

At the final check up the next morning both are given the all clear, the drive home is possibly the most nerve wracking thing so far. DC traffic doesn't normally bother her, she's done all the driving courses at Quantico but nothing prepared her for having her 48 hour old baby in the back of the car. Her still healing body protests the entire way and she regrets not taking her mother up on the offer of a pick up.

"Step 1 of life of two" she says to Caleigh when she cuts the engine in her parking spot.

Up in her condo she checks the kitchen and is grateful to see her mother did the groceries as promised and actually purchased Emily's preferences rather than her own. It also looked like the team had been by, her freezer was stacked full of pre prepared single serve meals.

A part of her knows Caleigh needs to get used to life in the outside world and she should put her down in the bassinet, turn on the baby monitor and leave her to sleep but the bigger part wants to keep the baby close so she lies propped up on the couch with the baby on her chest and opens her book.

' _Go to Uruguay,' said the foreign editor without looking up._

 _I trudged off down the corridor, thinking mainly about clean laundry and a rocky love life, until struck by two small thoughts, and went back to the newsroom._

' _Why?' I asked 'And where exactly is it?'_

' _Don't ask me, and here's an atlas.' he replied._

 _The journey was complicated by my having ten thousand dollars stuffed down my bra and knickers._

Emily would always remember those first few lazy days at home with Caleigh as the hardest and most peaceful of her life.

She learns quickly that Caleigh settles quickest with a gentle hand on her chest and the eating she was advised would be every 2 to 4 hours becomes every 3 hours 20 minutes like clockwork.

Her milk comes in on day four and her breasts had never been this tender in her life. Pregnancy breasts have nothing on nursing breasts. They're hard as rocks and leaking constantly, she's mortified and vows to never admit to anyone that she accidently squirted her newborn in the face with breastmilk.

Her mother and friends had all been messaging and wanting to come over and see them but Emily put them off asking them to wait until the following weekend. She felt a little selfish for not wanting to share this time with anyone but at the end of the day she and Caleigh need to get used to life as a pair. As good as everyone has been so far they won't be there all day every day and Emily needs to learn to manage on her own.

They'd been home for 3 days when the walls start to close in on Emily so after lunch she packs the sleeping baby into her stroller and goes for a walk.

It's not a long one, just around the block but the exercise and fresh air is good for Emily and she feels more energetic than she has in days so she plans to roll an afternoon walk into their daily routine. She'd need to start running again soon to pass the physical when she goes back to work.

That Saturday promptly at 10am her mother knocks on the door for brunch.

Emily thinks it's not so much brunch but an excuse for Elizabeth to drink coffee and hold her granddaughter, the reality is she's too tired to care at that moment. 20 minutes in Emily is sound asleep on the couch… Elizabeth puts the sleeping baby in the bassinet in the bedroom and starts a load of laundry and washes all the dishes.

When she wakes up to a crying baby several hours later she blinks and wonders if this is the same condo she went to sleep in. Before she can get up Elizabeth is standing there and hands over a hungry Caleigh without comment.

Elizabeth doesn't stay any longer having done what she set out to do.

Barely an hour passes when Garcia and JJ are knocking at the door. Having just napped for a solid 3 hours she's surprisingly alert.

Unlike when Elizabeth was there Caleigh doesn't tolerate being passed around and grizzles until Emily takes her back with a shrug.

"She was fine with Mom... "

Cradling the baby in the crook of her arm she rubbed a gentle hand on her chest until Caleigh drops off to sleep and hands her back to Garcia. The three women hold their breath but the baby doesn't wake up.

* * *

After 13 days at home Emily takes Caleigh for her first appointment with the pediatrician.

The first part of the check up goes well, Caleigh has put on the right amount of weight and just about everything checks out the way they should.

Until the follow up hearing screen.

Caleigh passes the OAE* and fails the ABR*.

"What next?" Emily asks softly as she takes the sleeping baby back from the doctor.

* * *

Next was the audiologist 24 hours later… he repeated the same tests, got the same results and referred her to the ear nose and throat specialist 4 days after that.

All the ENT specialist could tell her was the exact same thing the audiologist and pediatrician had.

Her inner and outer ears are working perfectly but no sound is reaching her brain which generally means it's an issue with the nerves.

They can't get in for an MRI for two weeks so Emily does too much research on her own and puts on a brave face for everyone.

* * *

Emily worked out a comfortable way to feed Caleigh and do research on her laptop at the same time. Late the evening after they'd booked in the MRI she went back to the official ASL website she'd bookmarked then avoided and started to teach herself basic signs and phrases. She quickly mastered the manual alphabet and could comfortably introduce herself.

Not quite ready to accept formal instruction, she pretended it was just something new to learn. Another language to add to her list and a way to keep her brain busy.

* * *

"I've seen that face before…" Elizabeth comments as she brings in brunch the following Saturday. "That's the face you made when I told you we were moving to Rome and not coming back to the US after all… that's your I'm really hurting and upset but I can't let it show face."

Biting her lip, Emily hands over the baby and goes and gets a coffee mug out of the cupboard. She stares at her mother for a moment before throwing it into the sink as hard as she can.

"Emily!" Elizabeth cries out as she jumps in shock but Emily's focus is on the 3 week old baby and not her mother.

"She's still asleep isn't she?"

Blinking at the unexpected comment Elizabeth looks down at her granddaughter and nods… surprised that the baby slept through the crash of ceramic hitting steel.

"She can't hear a thing…" Emily admits out loud for the first time and then bursts into tears.

 **END CHAPTER 3**

OaE Otoacoustic Emission

ABR Auditory Brainstem Response


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

 **September 2010**

It was a beautiful mid-september day… 3 days since her mother had visited and Emily had tearfully filled Elizabeth in on everything that she had been hiding.

The teenager lurking inside was still so terrified of disappointing her mother that she hadn't shared any of what was going on with Caleigh until Elizabeth acted on her regret from 20 years previous and pushed past the tough facade.

At Emily's declaration and flood of tears Elizabeth stood there for a moment completely baffled by her tough, self-sufficient daughter dissolving into a crying mess.

The last time Emily had let her mother see her cry she'd been about 8.

Elizabeth had laid the baby down in her bassinet and pulled Emily into a hug, once again surprising her daughter with a simple question.

"What do you need?"

Which had only made Emily cry harder. Eventually Elizabeth realised more than anything Emily needed sleep and had hustled her into bed and stayed the entire day, waking her only to feed the baby. Later that evening Elizabeth went home long enough to shower, change and pack an overnight bag before heading back to Emily's and spending the night in the spare room.

The next morning a much better rested Emily had wandered out to find her mother sitting in front of the computer Caleigh in one arm while her free hand slowly moved through the manual alphabet that was displayed on the screen.

Her mother's instant and complete acceptance had astonished and settled her. That day over lunch the two of them had sat down and written down a to do list.

The first of which Emily was hoping to get a jump start on today.

On the Sunday they had sat and gone through all the resumes for nannies that Emily had been procrastinating over for weeks and culled it down to 5 people that Emily had called for interviews.

This was her last for the day, uncomfortable with letting strangers into her home Emily and Caleigh had been camped out at a local cafe for hours meeting them.

She stared at the young woman sitting opposite her in the coffee shop, Joy Mathers was 25 and despite receiving hundreds of applications something about this young woman's resume stood out.

Maybe it was the lack of official nannying experience.

"Tell me about yourself…"

Taking a deep breath Joy steeled herself for the reaction she always got when she told her story completely unaware that the oracle of all knowledge had already filled Emily in on the young women's history.

"My birth mother abandoned me at a hospital here in DC 3 hours after I was born, they found her dead in an alley the next day. Father unknown… grew up in foster care and group homes here in the district… studied my way out. I got a partial scholarship to Georgetown and studied education. Unfortunately on my teachers salary I can either afford rent or afford to repay my student loans." the young woman admitted. "I heard through a friend of a friend that you wanted an evenings and weekends nanny and offered flexible conditions. I spent a lot of time with babies growing up… the older you got the more they left the little ones for you to look after. There's nothing in a diaper I haven't seen before and I can heat a bottle at 3 am without spilling anything."

Sucking her bottom lip between her teeth Emily thought for a moment. She really liked this girl… and that surprised her. Leaning over the stroller she lifted Caleigh out and settled the baby in her arms.

"Caleigh is 3 weeks old, I go back to work in 9 weeks. Here's what I'm looking for in a Nanny. I travel for work, sometimes at the last minute. When the job takes me away she'll need to be picked up at the FBI Academy daycare by 6:30 pm taken care of during the night and sometimes weekends and then dropped off again anytime after 7 am. When I'm home, they're off the clock, I have a spare room that can be used when I'm not around but I am willing to negotiate live in." Emily had thought long and hard on whether to offer live in or not, at the end of the day while she loved her space and privacy it would probably be better for all concerned if they lived under one roof. Especially when she got a call to be wheels up at 6 am.

"Honestly" Joy smiled and waved at the baby "I'll take room and board in exchange for part time childcare."

Emily nodded in thought, hopefully this would go better than when she told her mother "There's one last thing you need to know. We're in the process of testing her auditory reactions. Current indications show she has a severe to profound hearing impairment. Anyone I hire needs to either already know or learn ASL with me." she paused and watched as Joy didn't react negatively. "How about you come over for dinner tomorrow night and we can keep talking."

Joy was the last of the five she was interviewing and the only one she liked enough to go to the next step.

They finished their drinks and parted ways agreeing to 6pm the next night.

As Emily wandered down the street back towards home she felt a calm settle over her. It had only been an hour long meeting but she felt like Joy was the one.

* * *

"When will you know for sure how bad the hearing loss is?" Joy was sitting at the breakfast bar cuddling Caleigh while Emily packed the dishwasher after they finished eating.

"She's booked in for a MRI next Wednesday and then we see the ENT specialist for the results on Friday." Emily confirmed.

"Here's what I'm thinking…" she continued "I like you so far and to be completely honest I have a friend who is very good at digging up dirt on people and she's found nothing on you, which is good. You're exactly who you say you are… but all that doesn't mean jack if we don't get on with each other." Joy was a little unnerved but not surprised by Emily's admission she'd had her checked out.

"Here's what I propose. If you're free, Friday night you come and babysit while I go out to dinner with my mother, then say two afternoons next week you come over after work and I can go to the gym or something, of course I'll pay you. If everything goes well you can stay for a weekend and if we're both happy to move forward then we can work out an official arrangement."

Joy thought about it for a moment "That'll work for me. How about Monday and Wednesday at 5 and 6:00 this Friday?"

"You should probably know Friday will be the first time I'm leaving Caleigh."

* * *

Friday evening went as smoothly as it could… instead of her mother Emily ended up calling JJ and Garcia to ask if they could go out for a quick dinner.

The two of them arrived promptly at 6:30 having decided that despite all her talk Emily wouldn't be leaving the baby easily. They figured getting her out of the condo without Caleigh for an hour or two was a good place to start.

Now they were standing patiently by the door as Emily gave Joy final instructions.

"She won't need to be fed until about 8:30, I left two bottles in the fridge with heating instructions. I'm not planning on being gone that long but…"

"But Caleigh is fast asleep, I have all three of your cell numbers and better to start now with a quick dinner five minutes away then the first time you're separated is when you have to leave her at daycare for 8 or more hours." Joy artfully herded Emily to the door much to JJ and Garcia's amusement.

"She's fine…" JJ grabbed one hand while Garcia grabbed the other and pulled her out the front door before she could protest anymore.

Over all Caleigh coped better than Emily did with their first separation.

The three BAU ladies had walked down to a little pub two blocks from Emily's and enjoyed their first meal out together in over a month. Emily said nothing about the probability of Caleigh's hearing loss never quite able to get the words out.

When she got home a little after 8 Joy had just changed Caleigh's diaper and the baby was wide awake in her bouncer watching the bright toys above her head as Joy read on the couch.

After 11 months together Emily figured two hours separation was a good first step

* * *

When they'd booked in the MRI Emily had been warned it would be best if Caleigh was settled and asleep.

The appointment was booked for half an hour after she was due for a feed so instead of feeding her at home Emily turned up early and settled the baby at the hospital.

As she'd hoped Caleigh slept her way through the test and instead of going home Emily went shopping.

Her energy was getting close to pre-pregnancy levels and sitting in the house all day was becoming monotonous.

Her walks had graduated to light jogs around the park and instead of relying on her mother or doing one big shop Emily would go down to the farmers market daily to pick up fresh fruits and vegetables.

Really it was Caleigh's fault she was eating healthier than she had in years.

* * *

The team was all too caught up in the news that JJ was leaving them to notice the figure standing in the conference room until the door opened and Emily stepped through with a sound asleep Caleigh against her shoulder.

"I thought we'd pop in and say hello." JJ is the first to make it up the stairs and scoops the baby out of Emily's arms. Caleigh barely noticed the change and snuffles a little, settling with the blond happily.

"Family dinner?" Garcia's eyes bounce around, hoping everyone will agree to come.

Hotch remembers the first month and knows Emily will either be grateful to be out of the house a little longer or ready to go home for a nap so glances at Emily who nods happily "I'll pick up Jack and meet you, where?"

* * *

They ended up heading to a Ma and Pa burger place in Springfield that Morgan swore by. It was kid friendly and had a varied enough menu to make everyone happy.

Caleigh tolerated being passed from person to person until halfway through their meal and she started demanding her own.

Glancing at her watch Emily waved at Hotch to pass the baby over "Dinner all around!"

"Oh, I'll feed her so you can keep eating" Garcia offered as Emily grabbed a baby blanket out of her bag.

Cocking an eyebrow Emily regarded the analyst before shaking her head and wrapping the blanket over her shoulder "Firstly, I have mastered the art of eating one handed and secondly…" she trailed off hoping the rest would be obvious as she fiddled under the blanket and got Caleigh situated.

"Oh…" Garcia blinked at Emily's smirk as Caleigh happily started her own meal "Secondly my boob magic is the wrong kind of magic."

Hotch's eyes widened in a slight panic, at 5 Jack was likely to repeat just about anything he heard… including asking his Aunt Jessica what boob magic was.

"Baby Girl, let's not talk about boob magic in front of the kids." Morgan intervened.

"Daddy…?" the five year old in question asked right on cue.

"I'll explain in the car Jack" Hotch quickly shut him down and shoved a fry into his sons mouth.

JJ was the first to pick up on the glare directed at Emily from the couple a few tables away. Leaning over she whispered in Emily's ear whose eyes quickly flickered up to them.

"You get used to it…" she murmured.

"Used to what?" Dave asked from the other side of JJ.

"The looks… not everyone thinks nursing in public is appropriate." Emily murmured. "I don't see the problem, she has to eat and it's not like I'm flashing all over the place."

The team continued with her meal and JJ winced when the next time the waitress passed the couple called her over, said something and pointed at Emily.

Watching the waitress guardedly Emily was surprised when she wasn't approached, instead the young woman walked out the back. Just as she was switching Caleigh over to the other side an older man came back out and spoke to the couple who looked shocked at whatever was said to them and argued back quietly.

This went on for a few minutes before the couple stood up and stormed out without paying for their meal. As they passed the team the man muttered loud enough for them all to hear "bottles exist for a reason you know…"

"Did you know the female breast makes milk in direct response to the babies demand?" Spencer piped up "Studies have also shown that babies who are nursed are less likely to develop regular otitis media and gastroenteritis among other things. For you Emily it means lower risk of postpartum depression and your uterus will be shrinking faster."

The table drops into silence as everyone stares at the young man who looks immensely proud of the knowledge he's just imparted.

"Thank you for that information Reid but if we could refrain from talking about my uterus during meals… or at all… I would be very grateful."

"Daddy, what's a uterus?" Jack pipes up as Caleigh let's out a burp from beneath the blanket.

Sighing in resignation Emily slurped on the last of her chocolate milkshake she was allowing herself to indulge in.

* * *

"Emily?" Spencer stood awkwardly by her car as she strapped Caleigh in "I don't exactly know how to phrase this without causing alarm or offence but I noticed something… and I need to tell you." he took a deep breath and pushed on. "When I was holding Caleigh and someone dropped a plate behind me everyone jumped… except her"

"I know…" Emily looked up and sighed, she was hoping the get the official diagnosis and action plan before filling in the rest of the team. "She failed both the infant screening tests and the audiologist couldn't find anything physically wrong with her ears except she can't hear, the ENT specialist has done just about every hearing test available for her age. We had an MRI yesterday morning and get the results tomorrow."

"Point 3 percent of babies born have a congenital hearing impairment…" he mutters absently as all the information and statistics he's read flash through his mind.

"Yeah, that's the number I got as well, I haven't said anything yet because I want all the information before I start to tell people. I want to be able to tell them that, yes this is what's wrong and this is what my plan is."

"Promise you'll call me tomorrow night? I want to help you research once you get the results... And be a friend if you just need to talk to someone"

"I promise to text or email you." Emily hedged "I might not be in a fit state to talk, but thank you for caring and being brave enough to say something to me."

"And no one else knows?" He confirmed.

"My Mom knows everything she picked up that something was wrong. Rossi got nosey and found out she failed the first screening when he eavesdropped on a conversation I had with the pediatrician in the hospital. I haven't filled him in on the follow ups, I was planning on telling the entire team once I knew what was going on."

* * *

The night was horrible, Caleigh spent most of it crying until around 4 am when the back of the baby's diaper exploded over the both of them, it must have been a relief because the baby immediately stopped crying and relaxed for the first time in hours.

"Oh baby girl… that's nasty… what the hell did I eat that didn't agree with you?"

The contents of the diaper had spread up the baby's back, into her hair and over Emily's thighs where she had been laying.

"Looks like a shower is in order…" she didn't even bother trying to clean them up there before taking Caleigh into the ensuite where she quickly stripped the both of them down and jumped into a lukewarm shower.

* * *

Really… she shouldn't be surprised. Once the ENT specialist had confirmed the inner and outer ear functioned perfectly but it appeared no messages were getting through to the brain, Emily's research had told her it was an issue with the nerves.

Staring at the MRI film where the radiologist had highlighted the relevant portions of Caleigh's brain where the vestibular and cochlear nerves joined to form the vestibulocochlear… except they didn't join up properly. Everything was right where it was supposed to be just… disconnected.

"So that's it then…" she murmured, took a deep breath and then spoke directly to the doctor. "The cochlear implant isn't an option and neither is a hearing aid. The brainstem implant is still in testing stages and she's too young… good thing I've already started learning sign language."

The next 30 minutes was taken up with what Emily should expect over the next months… what she might see in Caleigh. Without the vestibular nerve fully functional her balance functions will be off, slower to sit up, walk and crawl without support, not a certainty but a probability. Early intervention with sign language means communication will come quicker. She'll babble but not the way in which you'd expect. Little pitch variation and a lot of vibration mimicking. Without the input from the ganglia in her ears Caleigh may already struggling to track things with her eyes.

Emily nods through it all, understanding but not really processing. She'd been cognizant enough at the beginning to pull out a pen and paper to take notes but not much had been written down.

Eventually the Doctor hands over a thick packet he'd prepared when he'd seen the MRI results earlier that day. Everything he'd said to her was written down for her to go through later. This wasn't an uncommon reaction from parents who had just received the news he'd given Emily.

Taking the folder Emily stared at it for a moment, cleared her throat and looked at the doctor.

"I read somewhere…" her voice cracked "that the ear starts forming between 5 and 6 weeks gestation… I was in a car accident… could…?" she couldn't finish the question.

It was one of the most common questions he got, did I do something wrong? Is it my fault?

"We'll never know for sure" he admits "Here's Caleigh's reality, she's deaf. What you did or didn't do during pregnancy is irrelevant now because it's in the past. What you need to do is what every parent does. Worry about her future, worry about giving her the tools she needs to grow into a successful well adjusted human being. She's just going to need different tools."

* * *

'Different tools… different tools…' Emily repeated the mantra to herself over and over as she headed home.

"Come on profiler... " she muttered to herself "Where to start… victimology, Caleigh is deaf… what does a deaf baby need… food, clean diapers, cuddles, blankets… just like every other baby. That we've been doing successfully for over a month, what next… communication… find a sign language class. Tell the team… start with Spencer, he already knows he probably went home last night and read everything he could get his hands on. Including a book on ASL…"

She pulled into her parking spot and sat for a moment. She had no idea what to do next…

"Tell people?" she asks Caleigh as she pulls the sleeping baby out of her safety seat. "Let's start with calling Grandma and filling her in huh? I'd call your Grandpa but he doesn't seem to interested in being Grandpa… he wasn't even interested in being Dad… then there's the man who knocked me up… Garcia will explain that to you one day… he doesn't even know you exist so really I'm not going to call him either…"

"What will Garcia explain?" JJ's voice echoed unexpectedly through the car park causing Emily to jump in fright, the jolt scaring Caleigh awake resulting in the baby crying.

"HOLY CRAP… what the hell JJ?" Emily screeched as she spun around to face the voice… upon seeing who it was she brought Caleigh to her shoulder and attempted to calm her.

"I'm so sorry…" JJ ran forward to pick up the bag and folder full of information Emily had dropped.

She froze when she saw an information booklet on different support groups in the DC area for families of children with hearing impairments.

"Come on upstairs…" Emily said quietly "I'll get her settled and explain everything" Caleigh's cries dropped into an unhappy squall the baby having only just dropped off to sleep on the way home.

By the time they made it upstairs Caleigh was soothing herself sucking on Emily's neck and every time Emily tried to lay her down she started to cry again. Knowing when the baby was this worked up only one thing would calm her Emily sat on the couch, lifted her shirt and let the baby latch on. While she was doing this JJ was slowly reading through the information Emily had brought home from the Doctors.

"You caught me trying to work out what to tell who…" Emily admits quietly.

"How bad?" JJ asks quietly.

"Profound… I just got the official diagnosis an hour ago but I've known for a couple of weeks there was a degree of hearing loss."

"I did a hand over with Hotch this morning and then he let me leave early with a promise to be at Rossi's for dinner tomorrow night… he's going to text you. As I was heading out Spence grabbed me and tried to be subtle about suggesting I pop by here. How much does he know?"

"He noticed Caleigh wasn't startled by loud noises last night and cornered me in the car park. I promised to text or email him when I got the results, obviously he got my message and thought I'd need a friend when I got home… he was right." Emily leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes.

"What are you going to do?" JJ asked gently.

"Read all the research and information I can get my hands on… learn ASL… find a good school…" her eyes slide open and glance lazily around the room "Work out what I need to change around here…"

"Tell people…?"

"You know what JJ… how do you make an announcement like that… do I send an email to everybody I know. Re: the baby I gave birth to last month. Dear All, just a quick update, something went wrong while Caleigh was baking and she can't hear. Just thought I'd let you know. Love Emily?" she huffed.

"We'll I wouldn't put it exactly like that…" JJ smiled at the typically Emily response. "It's a good thing you've got a media goddess ready and willing to help you go through all this information and work out an announcement strategy so to speak."

With Caleigh finally asleep and settled in her bassinet Emily and JJ started to go through the information. They split it into 3 piles, medical, developmental and family support.

The medical side they both left for now, no one needed to know the intimate details of Caleigh's medical status she was healthy and had hit all the other one month milestones. They left the developmental as well. Once again this wasn't anyone's business but Emily's, if she wanted to share with them she would do so personally.

It came down to a support pamphlet, tell the closest to you in person. Be open and honest, but be firm.

Your child, your family, your life.

Her mother needed to know before anyone else. Joy was coming over for lunch the next day and she'd text Fiona and invite her to lunch on Sunday. Emily would fill the team in at dinner the next night.

After they've finished going through the first part of the 'announcement plan' JJ hands over a pamphlet she'd set aside for Emily earlier.

"Gallaudet University here in DC." she smiles "They also run schools and programs for infants through to high schools."

"Yeah, I found them online… but didn't really look because... looking at a school and programmes means it's real and up until today I could still pretend it was only a possibility. I could pretend that I'm teaching myself ASL cause I'm bored… that I use the few signs I know with Caleigh because it's good for her overall brain and language development and not because she needs it to communicate… that she'll settle for touch not voice cause she's cuddly and not because she can't hear me speak..."

"Em…" JJ didn't know what to say.

"Don't JJ… can we just sit here for a while and watch a movie… pretend the last few hours didn't happen?"

"Victor/Victoria?" JJ could see just how wrung out Emily was by the entire day. Watching Julie Andrews play a woman pretending to be a man pretending to a woman always cheered them up.

"Yeah"

"Girls night in?" JJ asked

"You call Garcia I'll check the cupboards!"

 **END CHAPTER 4**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

 **October 2010**

Just after 7 that night Elizabeth Prentiss let herself into a condo that was full of brightness and riotous laughter.

Emily was seated on the sofa, her feet in Penelope Garcia's lap as the redhead painted her toenails in the brightest lime green the analyst owned. JJ was yelling something about craving real naan bread from the kitchen and Caleigh was wide awake gurgling happily. With her back against Emily's chest her quickly developing vision seemed to be watching Garcia's bright red hair and happy face with a combination of intrigue and confusion.

This wasn't the scene she had expected to walk into.

She had honestly expected Emily to be sitting in a dark room brooding over the news she had received today.

"Ambassador P!" Garcia calls out surprised but quickly recovered "Girls night in dresscode is pyjama's only!"

"No it isn't… last time you wore fishnets and a bustier" Emily admonishes her with a grin "Hey Mom… you can wear whatever you want."

"I should have a clean pair here." Elizabeth didn't miss a beat "Caleigh spat up on them the other weekend and Emily was supposed to wash them."

"In the bag by the door." Emily confirmed, while she was looking over her shoulder Garcia made a grab for one of Caleigh's tiny feet in an attempt to dab the nails with the bright green nail polish.

"Garcia no!" Emily admonished without looking back.

"But, tiny baby feet need to sparkle"

"Have your own baby and you can paint their nails whatever colour you want." Emily retorted and covered Caleigh's feet with her hands.

With a pout the analyst went back to Emily's feet.

"I'm going to shower and if we're voting on food then Indian sounds good." Elizabeth grabbed the bag and headed to Emily's bedroom to use the ensuite.

"Em…?" JJ starred after Elizabeth in confusion "Is your mom joining us for girls night?" she knew the relationship between the Prentiss women had improved but this was a little beyond what she expected.

"Apparently…" Emily shrugged, she'd forgotten to tell her mother not to come over tonight "So that's 3 votes for Indian… I'm declaring Caleigh's vote for Indian as well…"

"Wait why do you get Caleigh's vote…" Garcia protested.

"When your boob magic feeds the baby, you can have the babies vote!" JJ declares while she pulls up the restaurants website to order their dinner "Your boob magic gets you Kevin's vote and Kevin isn't here!"

In the kitchen JJ quickly sent Reid a text reassuring him that Emily was ok. In an effort to keep the night happy and relaxing JJ was following Emily's lead. The brunette had shown no indication of wanting to talk about the day's news and if Garcia had an inkling that something was wrong she was hiding it remarkably well which was unlikely. Garcia wore her heart on her sleeve and her feelings all over her face.

JJ could understand why Emily was keeping it from Garcia tonight. It wasn't that she didn't trust her, it was that she needed Garcia to be Garcia. Quirky, boisterous, loud, inappropriate Garcia.

"Em, what will your Mom want?" JJ called having already ordered for everyone else.

"Rogan Josh and samosas" she called back without thinking about it.

By the time Elizabeth came back out freshly showered Emily's toes were finished and Garcia had taken Caleigh, JJ was by the television as the three of them debated over which movie to watch next.

Garcia was wildly advocating 'S.O.B' while Emily wanted 'Whip it' and JJ didn't care.

This time Elizabeth sided with Garcia and the black comedy was placed in the DVD player.

Garcia didn't question it but looked a little confused when Elizabeth leaned close to the baby and started to sign.

"Hello Caleigh, Grandma missed you."

At Emily's insistence they waited until the food arrived before hitting play. She'd always hated having to pause a movie once it started.

Every single one of the giggled like school girls when Julie Andrews asked Loretta Swit "Have you come to see my boobies?"

"That is a line I'd really like to use on Morgan in front of any of the others." Garcia muses.

"Hotch'll have you drug tested again" JJ warns her but the redhead only shrugs.

Elizabeth didn't stay… leaving at the end of the movie with a promise to come back in the morning for lunch.

Not wanting to leave Emily alone when Garcia left sometime around 3am JJ pronounced herself to tired to drive and spent the night in the spare room.

* * *

Lunch with her mother and Joy went as expected. Neither surprised by the news, Emily also made a formal offer to Joy.

Part time as needed child care in exchange for room, board and gas costs. It was a win/win situation for both.

* * *

When Emily had timed the trip from her place to Rossi's that Saturday night she hadn't anticipated a 6 car pile up on the I95 would stretch the 20 minute drive to over an hour. As a result when she pulled into the mansion it was with a screaming baby in the back. Not bothering to grab anything but the baby who was immediately rooting and gumming at the front of her shirt as she walked up to the door and then going back to crying when she couldn't get at her meal.

"What on earth are you doing to that baby?" Rossi's eyes were wide at the noise as he opened the door to a flustered Emily.

"Not feeding her…" Emily retorted as she pushed passed him and into the library which she knew had a comfortable recliner and it would be quiet enough for her to settle the baby.

"Oh god…" she groaned when Caleigh latched on roughly. "That hurts baby…" she muttered. Emily had never been this late feeding her before, after the first week or so at home when Caleigh settled into a feeding schedule she'd always managed to make sure she was somewhere the baby could easily be fed which was actually the reason she'd planned on being at Dave's 30 minutes early.

"You left your car door open… and you're the first here everyone else is still stuck in the traffic soup." Dave commented from the door heading out the front, grabbing her purse and the baby bag from the back he closed it just as Morgan pulled up on his bike.

"You Prentiss' bell boy now?" he joked has he yanked off his helmet and put the kickstand down.

"I am when she has a starving baby screaming for it's dinner."

Caleigh doesn't last long and drops into sleep once she's eaten enough, bringing in the stroller Emily leaves her to nap knowing as soon as the rest of the team arrived they would want cuddles and she wanted the baby to sleep undisturbed for at least an hour.

Over the next 45 minutes the rest of the team slowly trickled in complaining about traffic.

Despite Garcia's pouting Emily remained firm, Caleigh had exhausted herself crying in the car and was to be left alone to sleep.

More than once Emily caught her friend hovering by the library door listening for any sound to indicate Caleigh was awake and therefore available to be held.

"What if she wakes up and no one hears her?"

"Did you or did you not spend an excessive amount of money on the portable baby monitor for me?" Emily holds up the receiver.

With a stamp of her stiletto clad foot Garcia stalks back to the rest of the team while Emily wonders if this is practice for when Caleigh hits the terrible twos. Slipping into the library and peeking into the stroller Emily find Caleigh wide awake and sucking on her fist.

"Oh… so we are awake little miss. Come on then, time to be social." she still only had a small vocabulary of ASL down pat but where possible she was signing to Caleigh.

Seemingly in a mood, Caleigh didn't like being passed around and after the 3rd attempt for someone else to take her Emily took her back to the library where she dropped back to sleep quickly.

Shrugging as she exited the library alone "I think the late feed and crying jag has put her a bit out of whack."

As always the food was exquisite and as they finished desert Emily looked around the table, took a deep breath and centered herself. Caleigh had finally decided to be social and was letting Rossi hold her.

"Guys… I need to fill you in on something that's been going on…." All eyes shot to her, mostly curious. JJ and Reid supportive and encouraging.

"I got some news about Caleigh yesterday…" she proceeded to fill them in on everything that had happened.

"At this point I'm taking every day as it comes and I still plan to return to the team at the end of November but…" this part she hadn't mentioned to anyone, not even her mother "I might need to make some tough decisions regarding my career. While I'm nowhere near there yet…"

"Caleigh comes first." Hotch finished for her "you need to make the decision that you can live with and is best for your daughter." he understood immediately what she was saying.

A year before he'd been faced with the exact same choice, if not for Jessica he would have had to leave the BAU.

"Yeah."

The room dropped into an awkward silence until Reid leaned over and smiled at Caleigh who was cooing away in Rossi's arms.

"Hi Caleigh, I'm Spencer…" he signed and spoke somewhat haltingly.

"You gonna teach me how to do that, kid?" Morgan smiled weakly.

"Well I can but I don't think you'd enjoy Caleigh calling you Spencer."

* * *

Early Monday evening Emily was surprised to find Morgan and Hotch (and Jack) on her doorstep.

They had a box of something, tools and pizza's in hand.

"I did some asking around" Morgan cradled Caleigh with a smile "And found out you can hook these up to everything that makes noise. Doorbell, microwave, phone, smoke alarm." he nodded at the box of visalert lights.

Once the pizza was finished Hotch and Morgan left her in the living room with Jack and Caleigh while they played with electricity.

Jack happily lay down on the floor with Caleigh who was grizzling her way through tummy time. Eventually Emily placed her in the bouncer and she and Jack sat together on the floor facing her while Emily taught Jack how to introduce himself in ASL.

Emily couldn't contain her giggles when the normally respectful conversation between Hotch and Morgan devolved as they fought over the best way to install the visalerts.

Eventually Hotch decided to just leave Morgan to it and joined Emily who was quietly working away on her laptop. Jack had dozed off on the couch and Caleigh was quietly studying the bright toys that hung above her head.

"Whenever Reid spoke with someone today he used sign as well…" Hotch spoke quietly not wanting to wake Jack "Said immersion was a really good way to learn. Rossi threatened to immerse him in something I won't mention but I caught him looking up local ASL classes. I overheard Garcia telling Morgan she was working on a program for you to link into a website she found which will convert any text you input into a video of someone signing so you can upload all the books you've bought and still read to Caleigh…" he watched as her blinking sped up against the tears and brought a fist to her mouth to hide her trembling chin.

"If, when the time comes you find you need to stop travelling for a while don't bother looking for a transfer…" Hotch had spent the entire day working out a way to keep Emily in the BAU if she ever felt it was too much "I've come up with a plan to let you work from Quantico full time and not add another agent to the budget"

"Hotch…" her voice was thick "you think I don't know how hard it's been with me out of the field for 8 months and now on maternity leave? You've lost JJ and trying to balance the field work with only the 4 of you? It's too much and I won't put any of you in that position…"

"Do you really think I'd compromise team safety or the integrity of the unit? There's a constant stream of agents who are doing the profiler courses. When we need to travel I'm planning on grabbing one or two of them to ride along. As I said, gives us the numbers and doesn't change the budget. I'm honestly not sure why I haven't thought of it before now."

In her bouncer Caleigh made an unhappy sound, glancing at the clock Emily sighed "It's not food time yet little miss…"

"May I?" Hotch went to stand and at Emily's nod he gently lifted the baby up and settled her against his shoulder. With a content coo she turned her face into his neck and settled happily.

"If Garcia was here she'd be sooo jealous." Emily giggled "She's picky about who she settles like that with, JJ, Garcia and Morgan are a no, Reid and Mom occasionally, but you and Dave… everytime."

"Babies are perceptive…" Hotch sits back down "Reid could probably give you a treatise on evolution and instincts but from my experience she's probably reacting to you. I used to get tense when certain people held Jack, it's not that I didn't trust them, I just worried more."

"Because I've never worried handing her over to you she knows you're a safe place…?"

"That's my theory."

* * *

The first time a light flashed when her microwave went off Emily jumped.

Once Morgan and Hotch had left the condo that Monday night Emily had decided to give herself 12 hours.

Caleigh's mere existence had upended the life she had built for herself, then just as Emily thought she had everything sorted it all changed again.

That Tuesday morning she sat at the breakfast bar, oatmeal cooling and laptop in front of her. Going back to the websites she'd bookmarked but hadn't been able to bring herself to read in full, while Caleigh had her post breakfast nap Emily tried to make some decisions.

Everything she'd read so far said early intervention is key.

Pulling up her personal email she quickly composed a message to the school she had found. The Early Childhood Education program they had simply wasn't going to work, she couldn't get there with Caleigh but there had to be other options. At minimum they could set her up with something she could do at home.

She was surprised when not two hours later she received a response inviting her to come in the following day.

Taking a deep breath she agreed to the 1pm meeting.

Needing to get out of her head for a while she changed, put Caleigh in the stroller and went for a run.

Pushing herself as far as she could, Emily managed to get up to 2 miles before her body started to give out. Pulling up under a shady tree in the park she set the breaks on the stroller before letting her body drop to the ground in front of it.

This was a far cry from the 5 to 7 miles she had been able to do a year ago. Despite running never being her forte she'd always passed the PFT easily, maxing out her scores on the strength portions so the runs didn't stress her out as much. When her breath was coming a bit easier she rolled over and set the timer on her phone to buzz in 60 second increments switching between sit ups, push ups and burpees.

Slow and methodical… she knew in time her totals would come back up, this wasn't about shifting the additional 20 pounds she'd gained during pregnancy or beating her old numbers. It was getting her fitness back, being able to chase an Unsub through through the streets at top speed or spend days on end hiking through the wilderness.

After four rounds her body was screaming but her head felt much clearer. Stretching out to warm down she enjoyed the walk home.

Caleigh slept through the entire outing so when they got back to the condo Emily left her to keep napping while she showered.

Just before 1pm the next day Emily found herself pulling up to the school.

At the front desk she haltingly introduced herself using a few signs while she spoke, the smile on the administrators face told her she'd done the right thing.

The Principal took her on a tour of the school, including the rooms where their Early Intervention Unit was.

Explaining her work and family situation was met with a 'we can work with that' and the relief that swept through her nearly brought her to her knees.

When she went back to the school a week later for a parents night she was welcomed into the fold in a way she'd never experienced before and damn the post baby hormones her body was still working through she was brought to tears by the offers of support. It was a strange experience for her, every new city and new school, college, grad school, the agency, the BAU… she'd had to fight for every little bit acceptance.

It never got easier.

Every single parent there knew exactly where she was right now and were more than happy to offer an ear, a shoulder… understanding and the only thing they asked for in return was for Emily to pay it forward.

"That's the way we work" Arnold Breakman shrugged signing the whole time "in 12 months time you'll be the experienced one who's sitting here with a new parent. 3 years ago Winnie and I walked in here lost and terrified with no idea what we were going to do with our Tom and they just..."

"Cared" Emily finished quietly.

* * *

Two days later Caleigh treated Emily to her first real smile.

As October drifted past with Emily's 40th birthday (which she begrudgingly accepted a dinner out for) and the weather turned cooler she discovered Caleigh personality starting to develop.

After that time flew past and the next thing Emily knew she was in her last few days of maternity leave.

The ASL teacher she'd found was astonished to discover Emily's grasp of the language coming along in leaps and bounds. When Emily showed her the program Garcia had created and the set up she was using it didn't surprise her.

In the nursery Emily had set up a stand in front of the rocking chair. It held a tablet that Garcia had loaded up with as many books as possible. Emily could sit with Caleigh in her lap and read the text along while a video of someone signing played. Eventually Emily had found a comfortable way to hold Caleigh in her lap and sign as well. It was awkward at first until she started using the baby carrier to hold Caleigh in place on her chest.

Joy was completely moved in, Emily told her to decorate however she wanted with a grin and careless wave of the hand. It was strange having another adult in the condo but she had set her room up with a twin bed, her own television and a recliner. Most evenings the younger woman kept to herself, joining them for meals and then retreating to her room to do work for school or quietly watch television

Caleigh was about to hit the 12 week mark and while still waking up to feed in the night they had stretched out to 5 hours which with her going back to work Emily was extremely grateful for. She'd booked the baby into the daycare at Quantico and was really hoping they didn't have to travel in the first week. It was going to be hard enough with her on the other side of the building let alone country.

 **END CHAPTER 5**


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

 **November 2010**

Monday 22nd November… a day Emily had been both looking forward to and dreading. As always Caleigh woke her up just after 5am and the day began peacefully sitting in the rocking chair.

She was surprised by how smoothly the morning went. Caleigh dropped back off to sleep after being fed, laying her back in the crib Emily had moved her into when she started rocking and moving more she showered, got herself breakfast before changing the baby's diaper and dressing her for the day in a comfortable onesie.

Going back through the bag she'd packed and re-packed several times already. Diapers, several changes of clothes, two baby blankets and the stuffed cat her mother had brought back from Spain all packed ready to go.

All she had to do was pack the bottles…

She was due in Quantico for her PFT at 8:30, wanting to give herself time to center herself after leaving Caleigh in the daycare Emily ended up pulling into the Academy at 7:30.

A bitterly cold wind was blowing on the late November morning and it was just starting to rain, so she quickly slung the baby bag, her laptop bag and purse over her shoulder, wrapped Caleigh up tight and held her close as she made for the front entry.

Of all people arriving at the same time it had to be Erin Strauss. The two women would never be friends but there had been a silent ceasefire of hostilities since Emily called her out during the investigation after George Foyet and Haley Brook's deaths. Unhappy with the cold and jolting run across the carpark Caleigh curled herself into Emily's chest and started to whimper.

"Agent Prentiss!" Strauss' voice was surprisingly soft "Welcome back"

"Thank you ma'am" she felt a little uncomfortable as the section chief peered through the gap in the blanket at the grumpy baby. A grumpy baby who in Emily's biased opinion looked unspeakably cute in the purple onesie and matching beanie and cape Garcia had knitted her. Emily had already commissioned more capes from Garcia, they were soft and comfortable and kept the baby warm without impacting the safety of the car seat. Add in the snaps Garcia had put in the bottom they doubled perfectly as sleep sacks when they were out and about.

"A word of warning…" Emily steeled herself for some kind of lecture on not allowing her change in personal circumstances to impact her commitment to the Bureau or the BAU "the first day is never the hardest. The second is, because you both know what you're in for. Prepare yourself for an unhappy clingy baby for the next few nights."

Emily blinked at the words, she couldn't quite believe who they'd come from. Nodding her acceptance "And an unhappy clingy Mom?"

"That as well, it's never easy to leave them but when they're this young…" for the first time ever Emily saw the human side of Erin Strauss.

"I'm not looking forward to our first out of state case…" Emily uncharacteristically admitted.

"I'd imagine not." Strauss agreed "Good luck today." the older woman nodded before disappearing.

Shaking her head in astonishment Emily made her way to the BAU to drop off her bags and jacket before heading down to the daycare.

"Hey Agent Prentiss…" Emily had come in the week before to introduce Caleigh to the staff and take care of all the paperwork including the list of who could remove Caleigh on her behalf.

She'd ummed and ahhed for a while before listing Joy, her Mother and the team as authorised to pick up and drop off Caleigh. She'd prefer to have too many people listed than not enough.

"Hey" Emily smiled "She's a little grumpy, didn't like the cold and the run through the rain. I'll settle her for you and then you might need security to remove me." she tried to joke while handing over the baby bag.

Laying Caleigh on one of the changing tables she quickly checked her diaper and then lifted her to her shoulder. It only took a few minutes for the baby to drop off to sleep. With a heavy sigh Emily handed her over.

"I'll drop by at lunch time to check on her… and I may or may not try and take her upstairs with me."

Before she could think too much about it Emily stalked out of the doors.

Despairingly the team wasn't even there, they'd been called to Indiana on Friday and the message she'd received from Hotch said they'd solved the case and would be back that afternoon.

Back at the doors to the BAU Emily stands there for a moment to put on her Agent Prentiss armour before heading inside booting up her computer and getting to work.

Getting through three months worth of email was not going to be fun. Eventually she sorted by sender and hit delete on anything that wasn't from the team or Strauss and up. Most of it Hotch had caught her up on the week before.

By the time 8:15 rolled around Emily felt mentally ready to face her PFT and was just about to head down to the field when a message popped up.

" **Due in inclement weather PFT's delayed. Will reschedule and notify all participants when their new time is."**

She turned to head back to her desk just in time for Garcia's voice to echo through.

"My Em! You're back with us…"

Emily didn't even get a chance to move before Garcia was wrapped around her from behind.

"You're beautiful and fair and smart and not a boy! Don't get me wrong, I love Kevin and our boys are great boys but..."

Reaching up Emily grabbed Garcia's arms and held her close "I missed you too Pen…"

When lunch time rolled around Emily was up and out of the BAU like a shot, nearly knocking poor Anderson over in her rush to get down to daycare and check on Caleigh.

Who was sound asleep.

"How's she been?"

"A little grumpy, but that's normal" the young woman smiled "They all are for the first few days. Once she gets to know us and used to the routine she'll be fine."

Not caring if she accidentally woke Caleigh or not Emily scooped the baby up from the crib and cuddled her close. Caleigh didn't wake up but curled in close with a content sigh.

Signing Caleigh out, Emily and Garcia had what would be the first of many relaxed lunches.

The team lands not long after 3 and the 4 of them trickle back into the BAU greeting her with hugs.

They're just starting to settle when Emily gets the notification that her PFT is back on.

As expected she passes with flying colours, Hotch takes one look at her when she gets back up stairs and sends her home.

As predicted she has a very unhappy clingy baby. Every time Emily tries to put Caleigh down that night the baby starts to cry, stopping as soon as she's picked back up.

Dropping Caleigh off on the Tuesday morning is harder and Emily is a mess by the time she gets up to her desk. As soon as she'd handed her off to the day care the baby had started crying.

No major cases were on the horizon, so it was a day of research and consults.

In fact is was a week of research, classes and consults.

Every day it got easier, Emily started to get used to leaving her daughter and Caleigh sort of got used to being in daycare.

Before she can blink the weekend has passed and she's pulling back into Quantico for her second week back at work.

Statistically this is as long as they get to go between big cases and Emily is well aware that the likelihood of them getting called out in the next 48 hours is incredibly high.

When it does come Emily couldn't be more grateful that it was DC based.

She and Morgan we're talking to various homeless men near where Kelly Landis' body had been dumped when her phone started to go off. Pulling it out of her pocket she frowned as the number for the daycare in Quantico showed.

"Prentiss… WHAT?" Morgan turned sharply at her exclamation and watched as she started to jog to their SUV.

"Which hospital? I'm on my way…"

He caught up to her and plucked the keys out of her hand "Which hospital are we going to?" he asked knowing she wouldn't just walk away from a case.

"That was the daycare… Caleigh's been taken to Potomac Hospital."

He reached out and hit the lights and sirens before peeling off and heading south out of the city.

It was a tense 20 minutes that was taken in silence. Morgan didn't bother parking, just drove her straight up through to the ambulance bay and she was out of the car and running through the doors before it came to a full stop.

Pulling out he stopped briefly trying to decide if he was of more use here at the hospital with Emily or back on the case. He didn't want her to be alone yet at the same time he needed to catch a killer.

Quickly dialing Hotch he filled him in on what little he knew. With Hotch's assurance that he would call the Ambassador and let her know what had happened Morgan reluctantly headed back north into the city.

Meanwhile Emily had bolted through the doors and hadn't hesitated to flash her badge at the person manning admit.

"My daughter was brought in by ambulance… Caleigh Prentiss"

"Can you spell that for me please?"

Emily did as asked and tapped an impatient beat on the desk with the tips of her fingers.

"Come on in... I'll get one of the nurses to take you through."

Making her way through the security doors she was met by a nurse about her age with a kind smile who quickly guided her through the maze of beds and rooms in the ER to one of the trauma rooms. Emily swallowed deeply as she pushed through the doors to find her daughter in a bassinet, the only movement and sound coming from the ventilator that was forcing air in and out of her lungs through the tube they'd put in her throat.

"Oh God… you trached her..." she glared at the director who was sitting there in tears "What the hell happened? I left a healthy baby with you this morning…"

"I'm so sorry Agent Prentiss, I don't know what happened. She was fine, her content little self. She took her morning and lunch bottle's fine but was fussy during her afternoon one, didn't want to drink it and Maddie said she'd take a mouthful then pull away, after four or five she started to swell and wheeze…"

Behind them the nurse started at the additional information "Agent Prentiss, did you move Caleigh over to formula when you went back to work?"

"No" Emily frowned "I pump and store, I left 5 bottles with the daycare for her."

Catching on to the nurses thinking the director pulled out her cell phone and made a call.

"Anna, how many provided bottles for Caleigh Prentiss are left in the fridge? 3? Check with Maddie please… she did. I'll let the doctor know."

"Maddie gave her formula from our stores…"

"It's a start." the nurse sighed "The doctor will come in and speak with you soon. She's doing as well as we could hope."

"Can I touch her?"

"Of course" the nurse pulled up a stool for Emily to sit on "try not to jostle any of the equipment. The wheezing was caused by swelling in her tongue and throat, the tracheostomy bypasses that allowing her to breathe freely. Caleigh is doing all the work here… the ventilator is maintaining her airway and making sure her lungs inflate completely not breathing for her."

She nodded and ran a light hand over the downy hair, over Caleigh's cheek to rest on the rising and falling chest..

"She's cold…" Emily noted and was grateful when a blanket was brought over and tucked around her.

Emily's not sure how long she sits there watching Caleigh's chest rise and fall before a doctor finally comes in.

"Mrs Prentiss?" he nods at her as he checks the readouts and then gives Caleigh a once over.

"Agent…" Emily corrects distractedly.

"At this point it looks like Caleigh has had an allergic reaction to something. We're currently waiting on an Allergist consult and then a decision will be made on whether to keep her here or transfer her to CNMC in the district." He turns to face Emily head on. "We've got her sedated lightly enough to not fight the vent, I'm sure the nurse explained Caleigh is doing all the work and the machine is currently supplemental. For example her little body is going to get tired fast, the vent will pick up on changes to the effort she's putting in and give her a boost if needed."

They were interrupted as two doctors pushed their way through the doors and quickly introduced themselves as the pediatrician and allergist. Emily was forced to stand back and watch as they examined Caleigh and discussed the case between themselves for several minutes. After that the allergist left and the pediatrician turned to speak directly to her for the first time.

"Based on the blood tests and reaction it's definitely a severe allergy resulting in anaphylactic shock" She told Emily "While our pediatric unit is top notch it's not a PICU. We'll be organising a transfer to CNMC, I understand you're already familiar with their audiology unit?"

"Yeah… she has bilateral deafness from nerve aplasia. Official diagnosis came through 8 weeks ago." Emily confirmed "I feel like we've been bouncing around Doctors and Specialists forever."

"Get ready for some more. I'll go make the call for the transfer and we'll get back to you with an ETA."

An hour passed in relative silence, only the sound of the ventilator penetrating the fog Emily was stuck in.

Only when one of the nurses gently placed a hand on Emily's arm did she come out of it.

"The patient transport will be here in 15 minutes, I need to get her ready. You can ride with her… is there anyone we can call for you?"

Emily blinked and nodded pulling out her phone to find 20 missed calls from her mother, and more text messages from the team than she could count.

"Uhh… no… I'll call my mother and fill her in…" Emily stepped back and dialled her mother while the nurse started to make changes to the machinery.

"Mom… yeah… don't come here they're transferring her to CNMC. They said it's an allergic reaction… anaphylaxis... No idea yet… I'll call Hotch… can you swing past Quantico and get my go bag? Thanks, I'll call you when we're settled."

She hung up and hit Hotch's speed dial and had a very similar conversation with him. By the time she was done the nurse had finished moving all the equipment Caleigh was attached to over to transportable equipment.

Emily followed as closely as she could as they wheeled the bassinet down the corridor and out to the waiting ambulance.

What should have been close to a 40 minute drive in reality the ambulance ride only took 20 minutes with lights and sirens going.

At the other end Caleigh was whisked out of the ambulance and into the critical care ward where a swarm of doctors and nurses got her set up in her own bassinet and reconnected to their own equipment.

Glancing around Emily absently noted the filled beds, cribs and bassinets throughout the ward. Doctors and Nurses constantly monitoring their young patients and exhausted parents seated in comfortable chairs by the beds.

Eventually the crowd around Caleigh diminished and only a Nurse was left who gently led Emily over to the chair next to Caleigh.

"I'm Parul, I'll be Caleigh's primary care nurse until 10 tonight. You can stay with Caleigh as much as you want except during shift change over which is for 30 minutes at 6am, 2pm and 10pm. Visitors are restricted to immediate family only. We've taken some more bloods and once we get the results the doctor will be down to talk to you. Do you have any questions?"

"Umm… can I use my phone in here? I need to let my mother know where to go…"

"Text messaging only and your phone must be on silent while you're on the ward."

She quickly sent Elizabeth a message with ward and bed number and then slid down into the chair next to the bassinet.

"Last thing… despite being sedated babies are very sensitive to their surroundings, they crave human contact. Do you want to hold her?"

Not trusting her voice Emily nodded vigorously.

"Once we get her situated try not to move too much or jostle the equipment."

Emily quickly got herself situated and waited impatiently for the nurse to lay Caleigh in her arms.

Feeling the tiny warm body back in her arms Emily let out a small sob of relief.

Parul fiddled for a few minutes making sure everything was ok and none of the lines had become tangled or kinked before patting Emily's arm. "I'll be back to check on her soon."

Leaning back into the comfortable chair Emily closed her eyes and tried to relax her body. Tried to block out the hiss of the ventilator and beep of the heart monitor, pretend they were at home on the couch relaxing.

40 minutes later that's how the Doctor found them.

Emily's eyes popped open immediately at the presence of someone that close to them.

"Sometimes a cuddle with mom or dad is the best thing to calm sick babies. See this…" he pointed at some of the numbers "her respiration rate has stabilized, her pulse and blood pressure are both back in normal resting range as well…" She pulled up a stool and sat down next to them. "I'm just going to give her a once over. Despite the light sedation she was pretty agitated when she arrived, now she's safe with mom she's relaxed and I can can get a better idea of where she's at."

Emily sat as still as possible as the doctor did her examination only wincing when Caleigh started to shiver as the blanket was pulled away.

Then she saw the hives that had broken out all across her back and chest.

"Oh God…"

"Yeah… she is definitely allergic to something she came into contact with." the doctor commented "Just to prepare you the allergist is going to want to know as much detail as possible about Caleigh, general health, reactions, the worst diapers, what's changed recently etc."

"They gave her formula for the first time… every study I read said the longer I breast feed the better it is for her so I told them not to give it to her unless it's an emergency so I don't know why they… the centre director said she was unhappily drinking it when she started to wheeze and swell." Emily passed on what she had learned in the ER.

"The Doctor over at Potomac noted that for us" the doctor confirmed "It will be the first thing they look at. Now, the ER started her on epinephrine which halted the anaphylaxis and we've since moved Caleigh over to IV antihistamines and corticosteroids to reduce the inflammation. Hopefully overnight everything will start to calm down. It looks like we're in protracted anaphylaxis which means it could take a couple of days for all the symptoms to resolve" She tucked the blanket back around Caleigh.

"You're going to want to sit here and hold her every second you can…" the Doctor stares hard at Emily "And that is completely understandable, but if you exhaust yourself you will do her absolutely no good. Is there someone who can come and sit with her while you do things like shower and nap in a real bed?"

"My Mom is on her way over now… she's the only family we've got." Emily admitted "How strict is the immediate family only rule?"

"It's pretty strict but we make exceptions in some cases where the parents support system is non traditional."

"Umm, can you add Elizabeth Prentiss and Joy Mathers to my family list?" Emily bit her lip lightly "That's my mom and part time Nanny. Caleigh knows both of them and is comfortable with them."

"And they're the most likely you'd be willing leave here with Caleigh."

"Yeah…"

The Doctor's attention shifted to something over Emily's shoulder.

"I think that's Grandma here now. I'll move Caleigh back to bed for a while so you can catch her up."

Emily nearly refused to let the doctor take Caleigh but knew she needed to stand, stretch, fill in her mother, go to the bathroom and take care of a few other urgent matters.

When Caleigh was back in the bassinet she stood and stared at her for a long moment before blowing out a breath and turning to face her mother.

Elizabeth didn't bother asking any questions or if they were ok, simply wrapped her arms around Emily who slumped bonelessly and let Elizabeth hold her up.

"They had to cut her open mom… she couldn't breathe so they cut her open…" she whispered.

"I know…" Elizabeth breathed running a hand lightly through Emily's hair.

After several long moments Emily pulled away and wiped her eyes before leading Elizabeth over to Caleigh's bed.

"Can you sit with her while I get changed?" Emily really didn't want to leave but sitting here in the suit she'd been wearing since 5 o'clock that morning wasn't the best idea.

In the hospital change rooms she was dismayed to discover she'd leaked through the nursing pad, bra and her shirt and took the time to express. Slipping the full bags into the mini cooler she'd added to her go bag she headed back into the PICU only to be distracted by the news conference. The last person Emily expected to see at the podium was Penelope Garcia.

She only pauses long enough to get an idea of what the team is doing before continuing.

Nothing had changed in the 45 minutes she'd been gone… Elizabeth immediately got up from the chair and let Emily sit back down. They didn't offer to let her hold Caleigh again until after shift change late that evening. Emily realised immediately that it had more to do with Caleigh's stats than anything else so she spent the night watching the monitors. When the babies heart and respiration rate started to go up again just after 5 am she called a nurse over pointed at the monitors and asked if they wanted her to calm the baby again.

While she waited for the nurse to make a decision she studied her daughters face, Emily noticed it didn't seem as swollen as the night before, or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

Reaching a hand into the bassinet Emily gently stroked Caleigh's swollen cheek.

 **END CHAPTER 6**


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

 **November 2010**

Time was strange stuck in the PICU, her watch told her it was morning and the sun had risen but the light didn't change at all.

Elizabeth turned up just after 8am and nagged Emily into going to shower and change, commenting that Caleigh looked better than she had the night before.

When she got back freshly showered and changed the doctor was examining Caleigh and smiled as Emily approached.

"So… here's what's happening. The swelling has gone about halfway down, her throat has reopened but her tongue is still blocking the airway. If things continue at this speed we'll be able to take her off the vent later today. Once she's off the vent we'll be keeping her here in PICU for another 24 hours and then she'll be moved into step down. How long she's there… depends on a lot of factors so we'll see."

Her body finally giving into exhaustion Emily dropped into a light sleep until the allergist turned up just before ten.

As expected the conversation centered around Emily's diet and the contents of Caleigh's diapers.

"There's been a couple of diapers that exploded. The worst…" Emily chewed on her lip as her mind went back to the day they got the MRI results and described it. "I mentioned it to the pediatrician and he said not to worry too much about the one off diapers, if it lasted more than 12 hours then take her to emergency. She'd cry for a couple of hours, get everything out of her system and then be fine."

"That's actually pretty normal… go backwards through the previous 24 hours meals for me."

Emily thought back to the diner, the burger and chocolate milkshake… the sundae she'd split with Jack…

She loved chocolate… she'd been using milkshakes and smoothies as a treat while getting back into shape...not connecting her treats to the sleepless nights of crying that followed.

"Ok…" the allergist thought for a moment "We don't like doing allergen reaction testing until babies are at least 6 months old. Her little body has been through a lot in the last day and given the severity of her reaction I'd recommend waiting even longer so here's what we're going to do. Have you ever been on an elimination diet?"

Emily shook her head "I've heard of it though."

"We're going to do a modified version of that. Most elimination diets take everything out at once and then add in one thing at a time. Instead we'll eliminate one food type for three weeks, add it back in and see what happens… and since I'm pretty sure our culprit is a milk protein we're going to do that first. Now it's rare but some kids also react to soy, so we'll take that out as well and add it in first. If there's no reaction aka an exploding diaper then we'll add other dairy in as well and you should know within 12 hours or so. Those 12 hours are probably going to be miserable but it's our best option."

"I have a freezer full of expressed milk at home… should I dump it and start again?"

"It's not ideal but from what you've told me your day to day diet hasn't affected her too much. I would recommend you get rid of anything you expressed on or within 72 hours of the dates you just gave me."

1pm rolled around and with it the news the swelling in Caleigh's tongue had gone down enough to turn the vent off. It came with a warning that it would be turned back on if Caleigh showed signs of struggling to breathe again.

* * *

"Aaron…" Erin Strauss let her into Hotch's office without warning or invite.

She stared at Hotch, her expression unreadable "I understand Agent Prentiss had a personal emergency during the case and was unable to be at the final takedown?"

"That's correct" Hotch hoped this wouldn't blow up in Emily's face "the daycare called, Caleigh had been taken to hospital. It was anaphylactic shock." he checked his watch "last I heard they were planning to start weaning her off the ventilator sometime today."

"Agent Prentiss hadn't warned them the child had a severe allergy?"

"Prentiss didn't know. The baby had never shown any signs of an allergic reaction. She's currently in the PICU at CNMC, the Ambassador is keeping me updated."

Just then his phone beeped with an incoming message, quickly reading and responding he filled Strauss in "Ventilator is out but the tracheostomy is staying in for a few more hours. The Doctor's are planning on keeping her in the PICU until tomorrow and if things keep improving then Caleigh will be moved into the general ward."

Erin paused for a moment and considered how negatively her next comment would be taken before forging ahead "While I haven't been privy to all the details I have been made aware of other issues with the baby… has Agent Prentiss considered a transfer, or even a secondment to a less…" she paused searching for the right word "intense unit while things get settled. Both linguistics and JTTF would be grateful for her expertise even for a short period."

Hotch studied her intensely, Erin Strauss was a political animal and much like the offer of retirement after Haley's death he was well aware that there had to be something in it for her. Hotch also knew other departments kept a close eye on his people just waiting for the moment they indicated they were ready to move. It was well known that if you survived 18 months in the BAU you could write your own ticket to any department in the Bureau… you wanted to move out of DC? Not a problem, they'd create a position in the field office of your choice. Not matter how weird other agents thought Behavioural Analysts were everyone wanted their expertise and experience

Emily had been with them for 4 years, add in her language and and investigative skills it would be a massive coup for anyone to get her.

"We briefly touched on the topic before she returned from maternity leave…" Hotch didn't want to give Strauss any ammunition against Emily. "Emily indicated at the time she wasn't considering it but was taking a wait and see how things go approach. I won't stop her if she chooses to move… if necessary I have a proposal which would ensure the team is at full capacity while allowing Prentiss some flexibility if required. Once Caleigh is out of hospital I'll get in contact with Prentiss and find out what she's thinking. If you have a few minutes I'll fill you in on what I would like to do if necessary…"

* * *

It was amazing how different Caleigh looked without the ventilator and tracheostomy.

The dressing was stark against her throat and there was still some swelling around the eyes and lips but Caleigh had been breathing without support since mid afternoon and they had removed the tube at 6 that evening, Emily felt like she was close to holding the same baby she'd dropped off the day before.

She was still on the IV and her stats were being monitored but they'd started to dial back on the sedation. Caleigh was starting to respond again, curling into Emily's touch, tiny fingers grasping at her hair. It was sometime after midnight when her eyes blinked lazily open and then closed again, with a quiet snuffle she turned her face into Emily chest and began rooting around. Reaching out Emily quickly hit the buzzer to call a nurse over.

"Someones feeling a bit better…" the nurse commented seeing Caleigh semi awake.

"She's rooting, should I let her nurse?" Emily asked.

"The Doctor said it's fine, I doubt she'll get anything… she's not quite alert enough."

The nurse was right, Caleigh latched on softly and every now and then would give a weak suck but mostly snoozed, when the nurse came back to check on them 20 minutes later Emily smiled.

"She's flutter sucking" Emily murmured with a soft smile. She'd spent a lot of the afternoon going back through the days where Caleigh was grumpy and clingy, now she knew what the cause was and why on those days Emily had spent hours with the baby in the sling not eating but comfort nursing. At the time she'd worked out those were the day's the baby had a belly ache and she just needed to wait for Caleigh to get it out of her system, now she knew the cause and how to avoid other days like that.

"And look at that…" the nurse pointed to the monitors "they're the best numbers she's had, it's the most relaxed she's been since getting here yesterday. You ok with her, I'm pretty sure you haven't actually slept yet."

"I napped half the afternoon away… I think she needs this more that I need sleep but there's a sling in my bag, since I'm not planning on moving for a while I'll put her in that so you don't need to worry about me falling asleep and dropping her."

She'd been too focused on Caleigh the previous night to really notice the other parents scattered around. Most were napping by their children and all looked as wrung out as she felt, in the bed next to her a young man was slumped in the chair, hand curled over the toddlers leg. Emily hadn't paid much attention but from what little she caught they weren't holding much hope for the little boy. Now that Caleigh was improving she was starting to process just how many other parents were stuck here in the exact same place as she was.

Eventually she fell asleep in the chair relaxing for the first time since getting the phone call.

When she next woke the ward was emptying of parents and carers as the staff were doing their handover at the 6am shift change.

A soft hand landed on her shoulder "Morning…" one of the day nurses whispered.

Caleigh was still curled up in the sling fast asleep… Emily could feel her steady pulse and breathing against her chest.

Blinking rapidly to clear the sleep away Emily finally caught onto what was happening around her. Sometime while they slept Caleigh had wriggled and been shuffled around so her head was resting directly over Emily's heart, she eased the baby out of the sling, her entire body protesting the movement after sleeping in a chair all night..

Gently sitting Caleigh upright and patting her back Emily was rewarded with a quiet burp. As she leaned over and lay Caleigh in the bassinet the baby woke up enough to realise what had happened, opened her mouth and let out an unhappy wail.

"Go…" the nurse flapped her hands at Emily "Shower, change, we've got her."

But Emily couldn't just walk away… she stood there caught between knowing the staff could handle a crying baby and wanting to scoop Caleigh back up and keep her close and safe.

"Emily…" the nurse stepped in front of her "She's fine."

Nodding slowly Emily picked up her bag, backed away and headed out of the ward to find Hotch and her mother waiting outside.

"Hey!" Emily smiles tiredly at the two of them "We had a good night… she's in there crying at the nurses for waking her up."

"You're in for hell in the teenage years if she continues to get this cranky after being woken…" Hotch quipped.

"Right now that sounds absolutely wonderful." Emily lead them over to to a sitting area. Around her other families were meeting up, handing over changes of clothes, other children, hugs and reports on how the night had gone.

"If she continues to improve at this rate we'll be on a general ward later today. Home maybe as early as tomorrow, it depends on feeds and diaper contents." she swiped at her tired eyes.

"The team all send their regards and want to know if you need anything."

Emily smirked as she imagined just what those regards contained "Regards Hotch? I want my hugs from Morgan and Garcia, my stats from Reid and inappropriate wisdom from Rossi." she sassed as Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"Then you can wait until later, they're planning on descending on the hospital as soon as Caleigh is moved from PICU. Garcia was worried enough to seriously consider hacking the hospital system to give you a step-father, two step-sisters, two half brothers and Morgan nearly ended up your husband."

Emily blinked as the scary image of Rossi attempting to discipline her teenage self floated through her mind.

"I'm not calling Dave Daddy until he buys me a pony…" it was a testament to how tired she was that she actually uttered that sentence in front of her mother, normally she curbed the worst of her sarcasm not wanting to deal with the scolding. Approximately 3 seconds after the words left her mouth Emily's eyes widened in surprise and darted over to Elizabeth who pursed her lips in resignation and gently thwacked Emily in the arm.

"Manners…" Elizabeth and Emily said at the same time, Hotch broke into a smile as they mimicked each other.

"Emily, go shower and change, then I'm going to sit with Caleigh while you and Agent Hotchner have breakfast." Elizabeth ordered.

"Mom…" Emily opened her mouth to argue.

"Half an hour… eat a proper meal and get some fresh air. You won't do Caleigh any good if you get sick."

Knowing her mother was right but not overly happy about it Emily quickly showered, changed and let Hotch lead her to the cafe across the road where she was surprised to find the rest of the team waiting for her.

She got her hugs, facts and wisdom and spent a worrisome amount of time pouring over the menu in an attempt to find something that didn't have any dairy in it which was tough because just about everything on the menu that was dairy free had substituted with soy.

The conversation flowed around her, the entire team noticing how unengaged she was. They let it go and weren't surprised when just after 7 she finished the dry granola and her black coffee pushed back from the table and bid them all farewell with a promise to let them know when Caleigh was out of PICU.

When Emily arrived back upstairs Caleigh was wide awake in her bassinet being examined by the allergist again. He smiled broadly when he saw Emily "I hear she actually ate overnight?"

"Sort of" Emily smiled back "She was more interested in cuddling than eating."

"That's to be expected, something else to warn you about… She was 11 pound 5 at her 12 week check up and 12 pounds even when she arrived here. She's down to 11'2 and will most likely drop another few ounces before she's discharged. The better she feels the more she's going to want to eat, don't be surprised if she goes back to regular night feeds while she bounces back. Now for the good news, we'll be sending her to the general ward in a couple of hours. We're just waiting on a bed." He handed the baby over to Emily.

"That is fantastic news…" she smiled at Caleigh, who for the first time in days gave her a broad smile in return.

"There's my beautiful girl!"

* * *

When the team made their way into the room Caleigh had been moved into just after lunch it was to find both Emily and Caleigh fast asleep in the recliner chair.

It didn't last long as the second Reid's shoulder hit the door frame Emily jerked awake startling the baby sleeping on her chest as the same time.

It wasn't a long visit, just enough for them to reassure themselves that the Prentiss' were doing ok.

As predicted once Caleigh started eating she didn't want to stop, waking every 2 hours to feed, sleeping the rest of the time and making the hospital staff very happy with the contents of her diaper.

The swelling completely dissipated but the hives across her back and chest were still bright red against the pale skin.

48 hours after leaving the PICU Caleigh was discharged and Emily finally got to take her home with strict care instructions for the incision, hives and an appointment with a nutritionist to go over the elimination diet the allergist had started her on.

Hotch dropped by with her work laptop and permission to work from home until Caleigh got the all clear to return to daycare and he walked away unsure if Emily would come back to the BAU or not.

Working from the quiet of her condo had it's pro's and con's. There were no interruptions, no teaching or lecturing, no admin issues, no teammates distracting her, no teammates to bounce ideas off, to laugh with, have lunch with.

While it was a good short term solution Emily knew she wouldn't be able to do this for long.

She needed to make a decision.

To leave or to stay.

 **END CHAPTER 7**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

 **December 2010**

Her time was up, Caleigh was healthy enough to go back into daycare and Hotch had been more than generous about letting her work from home for the last week.

Now it was Saturday evening and they had 36 hours to get Caleigh to take a bottle. She and Joy had tried everything but the baby stubbornly refused to eat for anyone but Emily.

"Do you think she remembers…?" Joy asked as the baby pulled away from the bottle with an angry screech.

"Probably not specifics…" Emily's voice came from the speaker. She had retreated to her bedroom while Joy tried to get Caleigh to eat. On her laptop she was looking up ways to try and get Caleigh to willingly take a bottle again…

Finishing an article she shrugged and decided to give the last suggestion a try… they'd done just about everything else.

Hanging up the call she went back out and took the baby and the bottle from Joy "let me try something…" she retreated to the nursery and settled in the rocker letting Caleigh nurse for a few minutes.

Once the baby had settled Emily reached down and slid her pinky into the side of her mouth and broke the seal and quickly slid the bottle into Caleigh's mouth who gave one suck and swallow before pulling away. Moving the bottle out of sight Emily didn't fight the baby as she went back to nursing.

Once Caleigh relaxed back into feeding Emily repeated the same thing. It took 5 more rounds before Caleigh took more that one suck of the bottle but it was a start.

"It's the same thing little miss… I promise you won't get the other stuff again."

The tiny wrist now had a medic alert bracelet attached to it, epipens had been handed out to various caretakers and the daycare had been sufficiently threatened to put in place controls so it never happened again.

Emily repeated the process for the next two feeds and by lunchtime Sunday Caleigh would unhappily let Joy feed her from the bottle.

Pushing through the evening Emily went through the routine she'd been attempting to establish when she first went back to work.

When Caleigh woke her at 5:30 Monday morning it was a bitterly cold December morning and she wrapped a blanket around the two of them as she fed Caleigh, let the baby drop back to sleep and then went for her shower.

Her arrival at Quantico just after 7:30 am was nearly identical to the day she'd returned from maternity leave right down to the wind, rain, run through the car park and running into Erin Strauss in the lobby. This time Emily didn't go up to the BAU first, instead going down to the child care and handed Caleigh to the director.

"It won't happen again…" the woman promised "the staff know I'm the only one who is to feed Caleigh."

"I'll come down at lunch and check on her… she'll fight you on the bottle. Call me if you can't get her to eat." Emily glared over her shoulder at the young woman who had been the one to give Caleigh formula. Her head knew it wasn't Maddie's fault, there was no way to avoid it, Caleigh would have eventually come into contact with dairy and the result would have been exactly the same.

Finally realising what was happening Caleigh reached a hand towards Emily and the tiny bottom lip began to tremble. A hitching breath was taken, tears pooled in brown eyes and her mouth opened and let out a heartbroken wail.

Leaning forward Emily pressed a kiss to her daughters forehead, signed 'I'll be back soon, I love you' and walked out of the daycare.

15 minutes later Hotch found her hiding in a corner just outside the bullpen trying to work up the courage to to go to her desk and not run back down to get Caleigh.

"It's the hardest thing in the world…" he comments as he stands and blocks anyone else's view of her.

"You were right" she gasps "It's so hard, and so painful and so rewarding…"

Knowing she needed honesty more than comfort he paused for a moment before responding. "You have two choices, you walk into that bullpen, sit down at your desk and get to work or you quit, go get Caleigh and hide away forever so you never need to trust someone else with her again. What are you going to do Agent Prentiss?"

He'd had the exact same pause outside his first day back after burying Haley. All the commitment in the world could not stop that moment of utter terror… were you abandoning your child to the job?

He watched as her resolve took over, her back straightened, shoulders squared and eyes hardened.

"My job."

They walked into the BAU shoulder to shoulder.

If anything it was worse than her first day back from maternity leave. Hotch and Dave had prepared for this and distracted her with busy work, keeping her out of the bullpen and in one of their offices knowing word had gone around the academy that it was her baby that had been taken out of the daycare in an ambulance.

The rest of the team rallied around her and intercepted anyone who tried to approach, even Strauss couldn't get near Emily.

Emily didn't know they were taking turns to go down and look in on Caleigh, while she forced herself to stay in the BAU until lunchtime.

1pm rolled around and Emily was out of Dave's office and on her way downstairs without hesitation.

She fidgeted her way down the elevator and when the doors opened she forced herself to walk purposefully and calmly down the hall to the daycare. Swiping her acces card and slipping through the door Emily found Caleigh cooing in a crib watching a colourful mobile float above her.

"She hates the bottle…" a quiet voice came from next to her "but she's eating and has been happy as long as she has something to look at."

Emily scooped the baby up and held her close before turning the face the director.

"I almost couldn't get her to take a bottle…" Emily smiled "I'm going to take her out for lunch."

She turned and walked out of the room to find Garcia waiting patiently for them in the hall.

Something settled over their quiet lunch in the cafeteria. Maybe it was the routine or the team rallying around her so solidly but once she dropped Caleigh off after lunch everything seemed to slide into place.

* * *

When Hotch called her at 4 o'clock the next morning, her heart jumped into her throat. This was the real test. The team was going wheels up at 6 am, they had a dead 10 year old and two children were missing in the Appalachians in Pennsylvania.

Emily took a deep breath "I'll see you on the jet." her firm and uncompromising tone belied the fear that was boiling deep in her belly.

Getting up she quickly showered, checked her go bag and added heavier winter gear, then woke Caleigh to feed her. After slipping the sleeping baby back into the crib she woke Joy, filled her in and left the condo.

Pulling into the airfield at 5:45 Emily took a moment before getting out of the car. A part of her was screaming to take Hotch up his offer of working the case from Quantico but she knew this moment would come sooner or later and delaying it wouldn't make it easier.

Grabbing her bag out of the trunk Emily quickly made her way through the hanger and up the stairs of the jet to find Hotch and Reid waiting. Dropping her bag into the luggage rack she greeted them and took the seat opposite Hotch and pulled the case file up on her tablet to get an idea of what they were heading into.

A light tap against her foot caused her to look up at Hotch and she saw the question in his eyes _'are you sure?'_ Emily nodded her head resolutely and went back to the file.

She'd just finished reading through the cover sheet stats when Rossi arrived followed closely by Morgan.

At precisely 6:01 they were lifting off.

In some ways it felt as though she'd hadn't been grounded for the last 4 and a half months. They fell into the easy pattern of brainstorming the case preliminaries and not one of the others questioned her readiness to be travelling out loud.

Once the briefing was over they all dropped into their own private preparation ritual. Emily made lists in her head, dot points of things that might be important and questions that would be answered in the course of the investigation. Little niggling facts that didn't add up and would need to be connected to building the big picture.

At 6:35 her phone buzzed and a picture dropped through from Joy. Caleigh was dressed and wide awake in her car seat a big smile lighting up her features.

' **Ready for the day!'**

Relaxing back into her seat Emily turned her mind to the case.

48 hours later she was filthy, exhausted and furious that Shane Wyland had managed to get away.

Parts of the case were a win, Robert and Ana had been found safe and were back where they belonged with their parents but the monster was still on the loose and had disappeared. They knew his type, he wouldn't be able to resist hunting for long and with the word going out all along the Appalachian Trail everyone would be on the lookout.

Hopefully he would be caught before complacency set in.

Pushing back through the doors to the BAU Emily was startled to see Garcia waiting at her desk Caleigh chortling in her arms at the flashy colours of the bangles being jangled in front of her. She'd done most of her report on the flight home and only needed another half hour to finish it, Hotch had given them the rest of the day once their reports were submitted and Emily knew if she went to the childcare first she wouldn't be leaving without her daughter so had planned to get the paperwork done and then take off. Caleigh already being there made things both easier and harder. Emily didn't want this to become habit, she didn't want Caleigh to get to know the bullpen.

Taking the baby from Garcia with a smile Emily cuddled her close and was rewarded with a sloppy raspberry to the neck.

"Oh that's a new trick…" Emily grimaced as drool trailed down her collarbone and into her shirt. "This... " she fingered the tiny pleather jacket "this is also new Garcia?" she threw a questioning glance at the tech analyst.

"I was in a punk rock mood, you should see the itty bitty combat boots I found." the younger woman looked so proud of herself. Emily had to concede Caleigh looked incredibly cute in the army pants, Green Day shirt and jacket which she hadn't been wearing when Joy messaged her early that morning.

"Huh… ok little miss, I need to finish my report then we can head home." dropping her go bag beside her desk she woke up her laptop and sat with the baby resting happily on her knee. Ignoring the looks from the rest of the team she went straight back to work. She didn't want Garcia to see she wasn't exactly pleased with the change of clothes and Caleigh not being where she'd expected her to be. Hopefully this was a one off, she couldn't fault her friends good intentions.

Smirking at the sight Hotch didn't comment, just went up into his office to finish his own paperwork.

25 minutes later Emily hit send on her after action and expense reports and grabbed the diaper bag pulling out the clothes she had obviously been wearing that morning.

"Baby girl might think you don't like the outfit…" Morgan commented with a raised eyebrow.

"I love the outfit" Emily retorted "but it's not warm enough for her to wear home. There's a reason I dress her in these." she waved the onesie and cape at him, a quick check of the diaper and the baby was redressed. With a sigh and a check of her watch she realised she had no idea when the baby had last eaten and the last thing she wanted was to get halfway home and have her start screaming for a feed. A quick phone call downstairs revealed it had been less than an hour so she knew she was in the clear.

Sticking her head into Hotch's office to let him know she was heading off.

"Hey… get home to your own kid!" she grinned.

"Just waiting on the other's reports." he promised.

* * *

As Christmas approached Emily got the feeling she'd made a severe miscalculation.

Both her mother and Garcia had asked her vague questions about what she was planning to get Caleigh. At four months old the baby would have no concept of the holiday or gift giving and receiving, she had however reached the very important milestone of rolling over surprising both of them the night Emily got back from Pennsylvania. She'd known it was coming, Caleigh had been almost there before going into hospital and it hadn't taken long for her to get back on track.

Her miscalculation was admitting to them that she wasn't planning on getting her anything big or fancy. Emily is fairly sure that the both of them took this as permission to shop as much as they wanted and she had already run out of space for all the baby's clothes and toys.

It was 5 days before Christmas they'd just arrived back from New Mexico and once again Garcia had Caleigh in the bullpen in a new outfit and sitting on Emily's desk was a number of brightly wrapped packages all with Caleigh's name on them. Taking the baby from the analyst Emily gave her a hard look.

"Two… no three things... one what if I'd gone to the daycare first and found Caleigh gone? No matter what I would have panicked, this wasn't an emergency, don't make me revoke your pick up privileges. Two I love the outfit" and she did love the purple and teal butterflies and the floaty wings on the back "I really do but it's too cold to dress her like this. I'll need to change her back before we leave and three she's growing too fast to wear three quarters of what you're buying, she has more clothes than me and over half the stuff that still has tags is now too small. I'm putting you on restriction… 1 new outfit a week and it has to be a size too big."

Garcia's eyes grew wider and wider as Emily lay down the law, Morgan had tried to warn her about the clothes.

"Now…" Emily continued "Tonight I'm going through both mine and Caleigh's clothes. Anything that Caleigh has outgrown without a tag I'm dropping at the South East Youth Centre for their teen mom's outreach, everything with a tag is getting wrapped and going to the women's refuge along with all of my clothes. Would you like to help wrap them and give the babies of struggling moms a nice Christmas present and help me deliver everything to the refuge?"

"I promise not to pick up Caleigh without asking you first and I would love to help you help wrap gifts for babies… "

"Agent Prentiss…" Ashley Seaver's shy voice called out "Which refuge are you donating too? I have some things I was planning on donating but hadn't had a chance to find anywhere yet."

Emily smirked and raised an eyebrow at Garcia "Girls night in?"

"You call JJ and I'll do dinner!" Garcia fluttered her hands in excitement and took off towards her lair.

Emily quickly scribbled her address on a post it and handed it over to Ashley "My place 7pm, bring anything you want to donate and we'll package it all up and take it over together tomorrow night. I have red and white wine at home but not much else so BYO, dairy isn't allowed in the house and let Garcia know if there's anything you don't like to eat."

Ashley's eyes went wide as she read the address, everyone on the team had been nice but she really hadn't been expecting an invite to a girls night.

Emily didn't give the young woman time to say no before she wandered away to call JJ who was surprisingly available.

Upon hearing Emily would be home Joy immediately made plans to go out with friends and was leaving just as Ashley arrived that night. Peering around the neat condo she felt out of place in the beautiful, well appointed home. Much like it's owner the decor was understated and sleek but she could see the expense and quality permeating the whole place. From the functional yet stylish lounge suite, latest entertainment system, kitchen appliances and artwork. At the same time it had a comfortable lived in feel, baby paraphernalia was spread around, the bookshelves were stuffed with books of all ages and all genres and had all been read at least once. In the middle of it all a blonde Ashley had heard of but never met sat surrounded by clothes many of which were not Emily's style.

Bright blue eyes lit up and a wide smile crossed her face as JJ saw the nervous young woman standing there garbage bags full of clothes in hand.

"Ashley… I'm JJ come on through… we're currently sorting by season and size. Emily's on the phone with her Mom arguing over christmas presents for Caleigh."

The baby in question was happily lying in her bouncer cooing and flailing at the bright toys floating above her while Emily's frustrated voice floated through from the other room.

"Mom, I'm serious… no more clothes or toys… I know you love to shop for her but I don't have room for all the clothes she has. I'm donating everything she's grown out of most of which she hasn't even worn yet..." Emily's voice faded in an out.

"Emily knows her Mom won't stop shopping for Caleigh, this is just a token effort so that when she leaves all the clothes the Ambassador has bought behind on christmas day she can say I told you so." JJ grinned mischievously as she dumped out Ashley's clothes on the to be sorted pile.

"The Ambassador?"

"Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss… crack diplomat and occasional bane of Emily's existence."

"Occasional?" Emily snorted as she wandered past to the kitchen to pour herself some juice "Try 40 years and counting! One minute she's a perfectly reasonable human being the next she's… herself again."

JJ turned her face away from Emily so the brunette wouldn't see her grin. She could recite the rant Emily was about to go on from memory. She could feel Emily's glare at the back of her head but was still surprised when a shirt flew through the air and smacked her.

Picking up the black turtleneck JJ frowned "You love this shirt… and it's pre-pregnancy." she commented.

"I wore it too much while I was pregnant and stretched it. Now it just looks weird on me, I found the same one online and bought two more to replace it." Emily threw her maternity clothes on the pile. "Ashley… help yourself to anything in the fridge. Bathroom is through there… Garcia is running late… do you want to sort, wrap or lable? The stuff we're wrapping needs to be labeled with size and gender."

"I'll help sort… I have absolutely no talent for wrapping."

As usual Garcia was late and by the time she arrived at 7:45 they had all of Emily's, JJ's and Ashley's clothes sorted and most of Caleigh's done as well.

None of them were surprised when the analyst didn't just have dinner but also bags full of brand new clothes and toys for children.

"I just…" she passed the bags to Emily "I started thinking of those Moms who can't buy nice things for their babies and I couldn't help myself…"

"You have a beautiful heart Penelope Garcia and I hope you never change" Emily inhaled the scent of Mexican that wafted from the bags.

It was strange for Ashley watching as the other three seamlessly transferred food between each other, picking out the things they didn't like and transferring them over to anothers plate. She felt a little out of place sitting amongst the obviously strong friendship between the three women.

After all the food was gone they sat around the coffee table jazz playing quietly in the background JJ and Garcia wrapped while Emily and Ashley labeled.

"I don't get it Em…" JJ threw her hands up an hour later "You're sitting there, helping wrap, writing labels, sorting baby clothes while nursing a baby… Garcia says you haven't missed a step since going back after Caleigh got sick… how on earth are you doing it?"

"JJ…" Emily looked at her wide eyed "I… I just do… I mean the first week or two was really hard, I didn't really do much but sleep, feed her and change diapers with the occasional walk when the walls closed in… after that I got the hang of things, Caleigh got onto a schedule and it just got easier. She's doing all the work here, I mean, I just have to hold on and she goes for it so nursing's not that hard anymore and as for work well I didn't have a choice, I guess when I walk through the glass doors and into the bullpen Caleigh goes into a not here box…"

"I heard about the Wyland case… the kids are always the hardest."

"But now they're nearly impossible with Caleigh at home." Emily acknowledged staring down at Caleigh's peaceful face.

 **END CHAPTER 8**


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

 **December 2010**

Emily and Caleigh's Christmas day was spent quietly with Elizabeth at the Georgetown house and as expected the number of gift's Elizabeth purchased came close to replacing what she had given away less than a week before.

"Have you no self control?" she'd stared incredulously at the pile.

Elizabeth blinked and then burst out laughing much to Emily's consternation.

"Would you believe I had the exact same conversation with my mother on your first christmas?" she watched as the baby studied her toes before shoving them in her mouth "All three of us were supposed to go to the chateau for Christmas but your father pulled out at the last minute. Had some function he wouldn't miss even for your first christmas. My mother… who I expected to make you a beautiful handmade outfit of some sort… had instead spent three weekends down in Nice and shopped like it was going out of style."

"So what… you're getting back at Nana by making me suffer… thanks Mom."

"An absolute pleasure… just make sure you pass on this particular family tradition to your daughter."

* * *

Emily had delayed putting dairy back into her diet for as long as possible, dreading the impact it would have on Caleigh. Soy was fine, she'd been eating soy for a week with absolutely no problems whatsoever and the Doctor's had been nagging her to start small. A yogurt with breakfast or butter on bread.

She would never admit it but the possibilities scared the hell out of her and she really didn't want the reaction to hit when she wasn't there so she waited until Christmas day and put a dollop of cream on the pie her mother served for dessert.

It took 12 hours…

Boxing day was an absolute nightmare. Caleigh cried for hours until she cleared her system out, once again covering the both of them with the contents of her diaper.

"No more dairy… I promise and… eww" Emily rubbed her belly one more time before putting them both in the shower.

5 days later at Caleigh's next allergist appointment he looked at the log Emily had been keeping and raised his eyebrows.

"Ok… looks like theory solidified, no issues with soy and straight dairy makes things very unpleasant. The full allergen testing at 9 months will give us definitive diagnosis which leaves you with two options in the meantime, we put her on soy formula or you stay dairy free."

"Dairy free it is…"

48 hours later she was in Miami and her phone started to ring with a number it didn't recognise but she definitely did.

She declined the call and panicked silently.

After that every two days her phone rang with that same unknown number and she declined it every single time.

That number was part of something she left behind, her life had no room in it for Sean McAllister or the Agency or Interpol.

There was no room for that bleak part of her history.

This Emily Prentiss, the one she'd built herself into after getting out of Tuscany wanted nothing to do with the murky world of international espionage. She had everything she wanted and everything she needed.

Her job and her daughter.

Then Sean called Garcia… and in a dark corner of a DC pub her world came tumbling down.

"Ian Doyle is out." Sean knew Emily wouldn't appreciate his beating around the bush.

As the news sunk in Emily nearly bolted for home right then and there.

"Am I in danger?"

"We all are." he admitted, Sean knew the news could destroy the life she had reportedly built for herself.

"Sean…" her heart was trying to beat its way out of her chest "I have a five month old baby at home..."

She threw a $10 bill on the table and stood to leave.

"Have a nice life Sean…"

She turned and walked out, wondering if she should make a preemptive strike. Give Doyle Declan's location in exchange for leaving her and Caleigh alone.

Could she trade in lives? No.

Should she call Tom and snatch Declan away from his life, burn herself and disappear with the kids.

Burn herself anyway, take Caleigh and run.

Get Caleigh out of DC to somewhere safe and then come back and face the inevitable.

It was such a tempting thought and such a baffling one.

Caleigh was fast asleep in her crib when Emily finally made it home hours later after driving around trying to make an impossible decision about what her next move should be. Switching off the baby monitor Joy used she quickly changed. Once in comfortable sweats and a long sleeved tee Emily sat up against the bedhead with Caleigh against her chest and cried.

She knew that if Ian got to DC and found her gone he would go after her mother, then the team in an effort to draw her out and she couldn't live with that.

Time… she needed to bide her time, wait until Ian got here… if he got here at all.

He wouldn't strike straight away, he would watch and plot and torment. He would want to watch her suffer, punish her slowly, drive her to madness with the what if's and looking over her shoulder.

She would wait until he was in his endgame before getting Caleigh out, in the meantime she had an exit strategy to plan.

Fortunately they weren't called out of town for the rest of the week. She spent it in silent panic trying to work out a plan. Hours upon hours of sitting in the dark coming up with contingency plan after contingency plan.

They were all missing one vital thing. A safe place for Caleigh, someone she trusted to care for her.

Her eyes were fixed on Caleigh who was lying on the play mat entertaining herself with chewing on a colourful bendy ball.

She needed someone… someone with enough distance from her to not be on Doyle's radar but close enough for her to trust to care for and protect Caleigh. Unfortunately that list was currently sitting empty.

It finally came to her when they were in Syracuse trying to track down who killed Gail and kidnapped Molly. Standing with Dave and Spencer as they worked through the psychopathology of their killer a random thought floated through her mind.

'Gideon was never into this back and forth with us'

Gideon...

* * *

The night she got back Ian made his first contact. With Caleigh in one arm and their bags in the other she couldn't pick up the box straight away, once the baby was secure in her playpen Emily went and retrieved it.

Her heart dropped when she saw the violet lying in the pristine white box… beautiful, fragrant… cursed.

She didn't sleep that night, or the night after. Sitting staring at the door, Caleigh tucked in safe by her side gun in hand.

She got word quickly about Sean and his family… Emily knew Doyle wouldn't spare Caleigh because she was a baby.

The idea of burning herself and getting out of DC was becoming more and more appealing. She could easily disappear into Europe. Maybe Greece, one of the Islands or Delphi… Thessaloniki.

It wouldn't be hard to slip into a small town in the US or Canada. Maybe Seattle or Vancouver, create a new identity for them… she could teach English, History or even languages.

It didn't solve the problem of what Doyle would do to her friends and family. Her mother was gone, on holiday in Italy after a fight. The worst they'd had since she got pregnant. Emily had picked and picked away at Elizabeth until her mother blew up and they hadn't spoken since.

But the team… the team would rally around, protect them, die for them and that was unacceptable. This was her history, her fault and her fight.

Jeremy's death was expected… once Doyle found Sean it was only a matter of time before the rest of the team was tracked down. She would be last… she was the one who'd spent months undercover with Doyle, gained his trust and his skewed version of love.

She knew his greatest secret, used it against him… saved a boy she barely knew. A child, an innocent who needed to be protected.

If he could Doyle wouldn't take her life, he would take Caleigh.

An eye for an eye.

* * *

She'd prepared the folder weeks before. Emily knew she would never be given official permission to bring the BAU in on the hunt for Doyle unless they could pin him for a crime in the continental US.

It was happening so fast, too fast and yet too slow. She wanted it done with, ended with a bullet in Ian Doyle's head.

The team was closing in and it was only a matter of time before they realised the information from Tsia was incomplete and there was a name missing.

Then Reid finished the tattoo… and she nearly threw up then and there as she saw the bastardised clover sketched out on the notepad.

She was out of time and she needed to get out of DC tonight.

All her planning was done, Caleigh was in the childcare centre. All she needed to do was pick her up get down to Quantico station and get on a train.

Hours later Emily was standing over Tsia Moseley's dead body.

While Hotch was briefing the task force Emily slipped her badge, service pistol and phone into her top drawer. When she reached the glass doors she turned back and let her eyes drift over the room. Hotch, Dave, Morgan, Reid, Ashley, Garcia.

Sending a silent apology Emily walked away just missing JJ who got off an elevator as she got on the other one, downstairs to the daycare she picked up Caleigh.

30 minutes later she was boarding a train north into DC, once at union station she walked to the Greyhound terminal paid cash for a ticket and was on the 8:25 bus to Raleigh. She knew it wouldn't take long for them to track her here. Once settled on the bus she fed Caleigh and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

When the bus pulled in to Raleigh just before 3am Caleigh was sound asleep. Emily had scouted the area weeks before and three blocks away was a parking garage where she'd paid for a spot and had a car delivered there under an assumed name. A name Doyle would not recognise but the team would.

Georgia Davis… the case that broke Gideon. Reid would recognise the name. The car was leased to Sheryl Timmons… another name from another case.

Breadcrumbs.

She went the long way… west from Raleigh to skirt Durham and through to Winston-Salem before turning north again. Back into Virginia for a short time before crossing into West Virginia and travelling on the western side of the George Washington and Jefferson National Forest.

She avoided chain restaurants and gas stations, stopping at rest stops to feed Caleigh and give herself a break.

She managed to reach Flatwoods before her body was too tired to go on so she found a roadside motel… the type of place she swore to avoid… rented a room for the night and slept for 12 hours. They didn't ask for ID but she did register a name she knew the team would eventually recognise… Kaylee Robinson.

Checking out early the next morning Emily made the last push into Front Royal and at lunch time was pulling up the drive of a small isolated cabin that she hoped like hell was occupied.

* * *

As Emily predicted Garcia identified the missing name first, Reid wasn't far behind when he remembered overhearing the conversation she's had with Tsia two weeks before..

"Lauren Reynolds is dead..." Reid looked around as the pieces started to come together in his mind at the confusion from the rest of the team he elaborated "Prentiss said that on a phone call 17 days ago but her intonation wasn't surprise or grief. It was like a mantra... like she was reminding herself. Lauren Reynolds... LR."

Without questioning the younger man Hotch pulled out his cell phone and dialed Emily. The sound of the ringing phone immediately echoed through the bullpen. Tracking the noise to her desk Hotch pulled open the top drawer and found her phone, gun and badge, lifting them out to show the rest of the team a bright green post-it caught his eye.

 _ **I'm sorry**_

Frowning he lifted the folder out and flipped it open to find a redacted Interpol file with Emily's picture in the top left hand corner, next were identity documents, passport and license both had Emily's picture but the name was Lauren Reynolds. He quickly scanned them and handed them over to Rossi.

A photo... a little blond boy and a woman dead, another post-it attached to the back.

 _ **It's a fake, to protect them**_

A third photo... Emily but not Emily. Younger, the hair a little different, the clothes completely unexpected the eyes shuttered and somewhat feral. A man stood with his arm around her shoulder, there was something familiar about him. Angry blue eyes.

Finally an envelope with his name written in Emily's scrawl again. Opening it he pulled out a single piece of paper and started to read out loud.

 _ **Hotch,**_

 _ **I'm sorry to do it this way but I'm out of time and out of options**_

 _ **You asked me straight out once why I never blinked at what we saw and while technically I didn't lie, I avoided answering the question, I'm sure you put the pieces together a long time ago. Before the BAU I was with the CIA, my last assignment was JTF-12. Everything in this folder is classified beyond your clearance and I was instructed not to tell the team, I no longer care. The man in the photo with me is Ian Doyle, Irish National, weapons dealer. Lauren Reynolds is one of my NOC's and we used her to get close enough for the Italian Police to arrest him. He knows who I am and where I live and he threatened to kill Caleigh if I don't tell him where the boy in the other photo is. The boy is his son Declan, he's hidden away, safe, happy and as far as I'm concerned that's the way he'll stay.**_

 _ **I hate that it has to be this way, I love each and every one of you guys and it's killing me to do it like this but I can't stay in DC and protect Caleigh. Ben Correlli worked for us and Tsia Mosely was on JTF-12 with me, I'm next so I'm taking Caleigh somewhere safe and then I'm ending this.**_

 _ **Tell the team I'm sorry and keep them away from Doyle.**_

 _ **Emily**_

"Garcia!" Hotch yelled "Find Prentiss NOW!"

It didn't take the analyst long to track Emily's car to the station or get into the CCTV footage and confirm that Emily and Caleigh boarded a train north.

They lost her for a little while in DC as she walked from the station to the bus terminal and it took time to go through all of the tickets purchased and identify where Emily might be going.

They found her getting off the bus in Raleigh but then lost her again as she ducked in and out of alley's and the view of cameras. It took more time than Garcia would admit to find her walking into the garage in close to real time but they lost her again heading west.

After leaving Raleigh Emily could disappear anywhere in the continental US without being seen on a CCTV camera.

They would have to wait for her next clue.

They'd tracked the rental car agreement and knew what name it was under. With Reid and Morgan hovering over her shoulder as the data from the parking company scrolled past it was Morgan who caught the name.

"Stop… there" he pointed "That's the name of the Sheriff in Golconda".

Spencer's eyes flickered back and forth as he tried to profile Emily and why she would use those particular alias'.

"We saved them." he murmured. "Sheryl Timmons and Georgia Davis… we found them in time, we saved them. Garcia, pull up the name of every female victim we've found alive while Emily's been on the team. Cross reference them against motels and rental agencies. Emily's leaving a trail for us to follow…"

* * *

It had taken her another 48 hours to make her way into Boston. Caleigh was safe and protected and that was all that mattered.

They'd never told the rest of the team but she and Dave had tracked Gideon down less than 6 months after he left.

Mostly they left him alone to find his own way but she made sure to keep him updated on the important things.

He'd spent the winter in his cabin outside Front Royal and that was where she'd found him and begged him to keep Caleigh safe. As expected he'd demanded the whole story before agreeing to her request.

"Did you really believe I came off a desk job in the midwest" she'd asked him.

"Not once you translated Arabic on the fly and could pick up an Egyption accent based on the pronunciation of a single word." he smirked "Hotch was pretty put out by the fact that he couldn't get a full read on you. I currently have $50.00 on you being CIA."

"Recruited to the agency during college, they actually funded my masters." Emily confirmed with a huff "An old case is biting me in the ass…" Caleigh shuffled slightly against her chest and started to push at her shirt and rooting around. Reaching into the bag, Emily pulled out a light blanket to cover herself while the baby ate. "Weapons dealer I helped Interpol put away. He escaped a North Korean prison and came after the team that put him away and the team that transported him. There's only two of us left now… and I need to take the fight away from the team and Caleigh." she swallowed deeply before she started filling him in on Caleigh.

"Caleigh's allergic to dairy… there's enough expressed milk in the cooler to last 4 or 5 days and 5 tin's of soy formula she can tolerate when that runs out. She can't have anything cow's milk based, it can be bought at any drug store and her medical history is in the bag along with 10 grand cash. I've also included a week's worth of pureed foods I've been giving her but she's not too interested at the moment. " she memorised the feel of the baby, warm and content against her. If this went the way she dreaded then this would be the last time she ever held her daughter.

Caleigh would grow up an orphan, never remembering her mother.

"If you don't hear from me in 72 hours call Hotch." she told him as the baby stopped feeding and she lifted her to her shoulder to burp.

Pressing a kiss to the babies head Emily swallowed hard and handed her fast asleep daughter over.

"She is my everything…" Emily whispered "Thank you…"

She ran out of the cabin and drove away sobbing before she could stop herself.

Now she was sitting in a car across the road from The Black Shamrock listening to Garcia beg her to come home…

Opening the message app she quickly typed out a message and waited until the two SUV's pulled up before hitting send as the first door opened.

 **Beautiful is safe with the Great Warrior**

Tossing the still turned on phone under the seat she pushed the earplugs in and got out of the car. Crossing the road at a low run she got to the rear SUV unseen and pulled the pin on the flashbang and tossed it through the open window and crouched down to protect her eyes and ears until it went off.

Pulling one of the men out of the car she pushed him against it and pointed her gun at him.

"I only want Doyle…" she growled not caring about the other men falling out of the car.

"I'm right here love!" his unmistakable voice came from behind her.

Spinning around to face him she somehow wasn't shocked when he fired two bullets into her belly.

 **END CHAPTER 9**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

 **March 2011**

By the time Garcia traced the phone to the abandoned rental car they were all long gone. CCTV footage showed Doyle hauling Emily up and over his shoulder to carry her to the back of the other SVU. They could only watch the grainy footage as Emily was restrained and the car drove off.

Two hours later it was found abandoned in a back lot.

A check of security there showed broken cameras and no idea where Emily was taken next.

* * *

Clyde Easter shed interesting light on why Emily had taken the actions she had. He admitted Emily's first instinct had been to tell the team everything but he'd forbidden her from doing it.

He'd honestly believed they could handle it on their own.

* * *

The smell of burning human flesh was unique. There had been many times she'd come across that particular odour.

She'd been young… very young the first time… too young to understand what it was and what it meant. She remembers sitting in the back of a car with her mother the day they arrived in Cairo when she was 5. The windows had been wound down to combat the heat until _that_ scent wafted through.

" _What's that smell Mommy… it's yucky"_

Emily had never forgotten the horror on her mother's face and the speed in which the windows were wound up. Elizabeth's eyes had gone wide as she spied something out the window and moved to block Emily's view and distract the child.

" _Can you read to me, Em?"_

All her attention had been focussed on reading… what book was it… she can never remember... out loud to her mother. Now she knew what that smell was… and as her own flesh burned and took her back to that moment safe in her mother's arms Emily refused to scream.

* * *

"Where was the photo taken?" Ashley wondered out loud as she studied the board.

"What…?" Everyone's attention shot to the the trainee.

Blushing at the attention the blonde stammered on "Well… we know Doyle thinks his son is dead… right? So what if he found out where it happened… would he take Emily there?"

"Garcia!" Hotch didn't need to say anything else.

"On it… give me some parameters…" she cried out to the room in general.

"Pre-50's" Morgan was the first to speak "you can tell by the bricks."

"Industrial... " Rossi added "Look at Irish mob connections, she would have used somewhere Doyle recognised to try and deflect the blame."

Clyde's breath hitched as he remembered something from the early months of the investigation "Nevan Murphy… he funded Doyle when he went International. Check for anything owned by him."

"Thank you Sir Brit… warehouse built in 1949 on the south side. Out of use for the last 7 years, power and water mysteriously started being used again 48 hours ago."

The tension in the room was thick as they waited…

"There… 12 hours ago…" they watched the CCTV footage as a van pulled up outside the warehouse. Ian Doyle stood and watched as the back door was opened and it appeared they weren't expecting Emily to be conscious… the foot that lashed out and caught one of the men in the stomach caused a slight scuffle and it took three others to haul Emily in through the doors.

"Garcia, check through all the footage and make sure she's still there… call us if they've moved her."

It took them a little over an hour to gather the SWAT team and get to the address Garcia had found.

"Sir, no sign of Doyle or Emily leaving. It looks like they're preparing to move merchandise sometime soon."

"Thanks Garcia, keep watching… we need you to be our eyes." Hotch instructed before turning to the group preparing to invade.

"Agent Prentiss is the only friendly in the building. Rescuing her is our primary objective, our only advantage is stealth. Once they know we're on site there's nothing to stop them from killing her. So we keep it quiet until we get to her."

* * *

Not much longer… she knew her team, knew it would be only a matter of time before one of them asked the right questions.

Doyle was careful, nothing he was doing was life threatening. The bruises and cuts would heal with time and time she had plenty of because she still had one bargaining chip and she knew now was the time to play it. He'd played out his little fantasy of Lauren Reynolds, marked her permanently as his own and was finally ready to kill her for her sins.

"Time for your last confession."

"Take me to where he died… I want to see it" they were both at the end of their ropes and ready to finish this.

Confess she did… then the lights went out and the fight really began.

She could hear the gunshots and the heavy boots. She could taste Doyle's desperation but she would never give him what he wanted.

Declan would be anything but a warrior.

As the chair leg pierced her stomach her only thought was how badly she'd failed her daughter.

* * *

Hotch didn't recognise the number that flashed up on his phone and he was tempted to let it go through to voicemail.

"Hotchner."

"I recently had something invaluable left in my possession." Gideon's voice rumbled over the line "I was told to contact you if it's owner didn't call or return for it in 72 hours."

Stepping out into the hall and away from the bed Zara Lee was currently residing in he let out a sigh of relief. The team thought he'd gone home to Jack, when in reality he'd headed straight to Bethesda to check on Emily and relieve JJ for a while.

"I know where the owner is, are you mobile?"

"Yes…"

He paused and considered how to manage this. He needed someone Gideon would trust but didn't have a connection to Emily. Despite his 3 year absence anyone who'd done their research into the BAU would recognise the man.

"I'm going to get someone to call you… someone you can trust. Do not… I repeat do not let anyone know what you have. JJ or I will fill you in on everything when you get here."

Hanging up the phone he immediately dialed another number.

"Katie… Hotch… I need a favour."

* * *

It took them over 12 hours and more covert work than any of them had been involved in recently but early the next morning Gideon and Katie walked into Bethesda together… 15 minutes earlier Agent Amanda Gilroy had brought Caleigh in on the bus and been met by JJ in the cancer unit. Neither of the CETaF agents knew exactly what was happening or who Caleigh was but had been happy to help.

Caleigh who had been left with strangers for the last 4 days burst into tears and threw herself into JJ's arms as soon as she caught sight of the blonde. Swaying back and forth with the distraught baby JJ copied what she'd seen Emily do countless times when comforting her daughter… patting the babies back in time with her heartbeat.

"There's a couple of bottles and diapers in there, Gideon is bringing a bag with more supplies." Gilroy said softly. "She also keeps doing this…" Gilroy lifted a hand and tapped the side of her chin.

"It's ASL for Mommy… it's the only sign that comes through clearly so far..."

Caleigh was mimicking Emily's hands as they moved but there was no definition to them yet, no real understanding of what it meant except for that one. Emily had sent out a video claiming it as Caleigh's first word to them all the day before disappearing.

"Agent Gilroy thank you for this… if anyone asks she's your niece and you brought her to cheer up an old friend." JJ could feel Caleigh's sobs start to slow down as she slung the bag over her shoulder and walked away from the other woman. When they were alone in the lift she shifted the baby and signed "go Mommy now?"

Caleigh's eyes lit up and she shifted and craned her neck to look around for Emily and pouted when she only found an empty car.

Since informing the team and the world of Emily's death 36 hours earlier, they'd returned from Boston together and JJ had turned around and got right back on a plane to stay with her friend. Emily had just been coming out of the anaesthetic when JJ arrived. Her surgeon had been surprised by how little internal damage the table leg had actually done. While it bled enough for Emily to code in the ambulance and twice on the operating table Doyle had miraculously missed nearly all the major organs. Only Emily's spleen had been damaged and that was a few minor lacerations. The skin and muscles in her abdomen were a mess but healing well enough for them to evac her to Bethesda 16 hours after surgery.

She, Hotch and Clyde were tag teaming time with Emily so she was never left alone. With Gideon here it would make life a lot easier for all of them.

The hardest part had been having to re-explain everything every time she woke up because of the combination of anaesthesia, concussion and pain medications, it had only been when when they started to dial down the morphine that Emily had truly comprehended the decision that had been made and her only demand since had been to get Caleigh here.

Flashing her badge to the MP assigned to Emily's room JJ eased the door open to find Emily propped up in bed staring out the window. At Caleigh's excited squeal her head snapped around and for the first time in 2 day's life started to return to Emily.

With the baby squirming and throwing all of her weight towards her mother JJ didn't have a choice but to seat her on the bed beside Emily. Grabbing an extra pillow she stuffed it under Emily's right arm and slid the baby up so her head could rest on Emily's chest but the rest of her body didn't.

Heaving out a content sigh, Caleigh shoved a thumb in her mouth and closed her eyes quickly dropping into an exhausted sleep.

"Thank you…" Emily whispered.

Pulling up the bed railing JJ made sure the baby couldn't go anywhere and smiled down at her friend "Anytime… I'll be back soon, you two going to be ok?"

When JJ returned 20 minutes later with Gideon in tow both were sound asleep exactly where JJ had left them.

* * *

"Hotch…" Morgan turned to the other man "Where's Caleigh?"

Schooling his features Hotch once again lied to his team member "I spoke to Gideon and he is meeting up with WitSec to hand Caleigh over to them to be moved anonymously into foster care."

"Foster care… that's unacceptable. I'll take her." Morgan announced planning on making good on his promise that Caleigh would never be left alone in the world.

"And then what?" JJ interjected "You'll get a nanny for her while you travel maybe Joy will be willing to work for you for the same deal Emily gave her… what happens when Doyle comes after you, your Mom and your sisters to get to her? None of us know where Declan is, next best thing, Doyle takes Emily's baby and raises her in Declan's place." JJ heaved a sobbing breath "Besides, Emily left instructions for Caleigh if something happens to her. An old friend of hers has been nominated as her guardian and will take custody of Caleigh when it's safe. Emily and Fiona have been friends since they were teens."

Only Hotch knew that the tears dripping down JJ's face weren't for her dead friend or the baby being sent away for her own safety.

They were for the lie she was being forced to tell. The trust and love she was willingly abusing.

They were for her friend lying in a hospital bed in Bethesda without a name and identity.

Daughter, Agent, Friend had all been striped away and the only thing left was the title of mother.

It was hours before JJ could slip away from the rest of the team to check on Emily. When she arrived at the room they were keeping her in she flashed her credentials at the guard and slipped inside to find everything quiet.

Emily was fast asleep in the bed while Gideon sat by the window feeding the baby from a bottle. It was immediately apparent the baby was fighting him, with her mother so close she didn't want the bottle, she wanted Emily.

"The funeral is tomorrow" JJ whispered. "I spoke to the Doctor and it's going to be at least another week before she's healed enough to hold the baby without support let alone manage on her own."

"I can stay with them as long as they need me. If my cabin hasn't been compromised it might be a good place for them to hide?" Gideon smiled sadly.

"As far as we know your cabin is safe, but the current thinking is they'll be safer out of the country. Ambassador Prentiss confirmed Emily picked a fight with her not long after Sean McAllister was in DC and they haven't spoken since. She's been briefed on everything and has agreed to the deception. She's being sent to Tunis on emergency assignment, Joy has been offered a job as a tutor in the embassy as well. We're probating Emily's will, personal effects will be stored by the Ambassador for safekeeping until Caleigh is 18 and everything else sold and put into trust for her care. Hotch and I smuggled a suitcase full of clothes and toys for them out of her condo." she nodded to the bag she'd brought in with her. "How is she really?"

"Stubborn…" Gideon smirked "but we already knew that. I'm to put the baby back with her as soon as she's eaten, she's nagged the Doctor into taking her off all narcotics, and has a nurse coming in to help her 'pump and dump' in order to maintain her milk supply until the narcotics are out of her system which should be sometime late tomorrow."

"She's extremely paranoid about what Caleigh eats. Did she tell you why?" JJ asked.

"Not directly but I can make an assumption that it has something to do with the dairy allergy."

"A week after Emily went back to work one of the child care workers gave Caleigh formula and she nearly died. No one is allowed to feed her anything that Emily doesn't provide, she's gone completely dairy free since Caleigh's diagnosis."

"It must have been tough, but by controlling her own diet Emily can make sure the baby doesn't get something she shouldn't."

"It was easier than you think." a husky voice broke through the quiet "I just swapped everything in my diet over to soy."

They turned to see Emily watching them through sleepy eyes, neither miss the flash of jealousy when she sees Gideon feeding her daughter.

"JJ…" Emily called softly "Tell my Mom I'm sorry…"

"She knows" JJ said firmly "once everything came out she put the pieces together and understands why you did what you did. She doesn't like it but she understands. She asked me to tell you to stay safe and don't let Caleigh forget her."

Over in the chair Caleigh finally finished the bottle and burped herself as Gideon got her upright. As requested he transferred the baby into the little pillow nook they'd created against Emily's right side. Nodding to the door Gideon led JJ outside and stared at her for a moment.

"She doesn't like anyone else caring for the baby…" he watched as JJ nodded her agreement "I'm guessing the father walked out on her when she told him she was pregnant."

"Emily never told us anything about Caleigh's father other than they both made their choices. She refused to let anyone be with her during Caleigh's birth and no one was allowed to visit for a week after they left the hospital…" JJ confirmed, 3 years on and Gideon hadn't lost anything.

"She hates it when I feed Caleigh…"

"She hates anyone doing anything for Caleigh. As soon as she's physically able you won't be allowed to feed, change or care for Caleigh in anyway. It's almost like..." JJ paused searching for the right word but it eluded her.

"She's a single mother who has a job that takes her away a lot so when she is home she simply doesn't want to share her baby no matter how close or well intentioned her friends are. On top of that the baby has not just a disability but a life threatening allergy as well." Gideon stated gently.

With very little effort Gideon had managed to pinpoint what had been bugging JJ for months. She and Garcia had joked about Emily being a classic helicopter parent but it was so much more than that and the more she thought about it the more she realised that Emily not letting anyone help her with Caleigh had nothing to do with them and everything to do with Emily wanting as much time with her daughter as possible.

"Well, they're going to have plenty of time together for the foreseeable future." JJ mused sadly

* * *

"Hey baby girl…" Morgan stuck his head into her lair.

She quickly looked over her shoulder and then back to the screen that had a photo he'd never seen before up on it.

He didn't miss the fresh tears on her cheeks either.

"What are you up to mama?" he pulls up the chair to sit next to her as the photo comes into focus and his breath is taken away.

"Where did you find this?"

"Umm… I've had to go through Emily's phone and tablet and store everything just in case. I don't think she ever showed anyone this picture."

He swallows deeply at the hauntingly intimate image of mother and daughter's first moments together up on the screen.

It wasn't fair…

"Close that…" he swallowed past the lump in his throat "Save a copy and send one to The Ambassador. When she's old enough to understand what happened to Emily, Caleigh's going to want to see that photo. See how much her mama loved her."

"You don't understand Derek…" Garcia sobbed "The photo's… Emily took her everywhere and took hundreds of photos of the two of them together. The Smithsonian, the Ellipse, Virginia Beach, the zoo. There's video of Emily signing happy birthday to Caleigh and pictures of cakes up to her 21st birthday… video's of Emily reading books… things they should have done together for years Emily crammed into a month. I tracked it back to the day after Sean McAllister was here, she…"

"Lived a lifetime with her daughter in weeks…" Morgan finally understood "She didn't believe that she would survive this. Can you make copies for all of us to keep, just in case and then send them to Ambassador Prentiss."

"What I don't understand is why she didn't leave this somewhere safe. They were just sitting on the phone she left in her drawer…" Garcia may not have seen it but Morgan did.

"Emily knew the policy…" Morgan pressed a kiss to her cheek "she knew Hotch would give you her phone and tablet to check for sensitive material and that you'd find all this. Who better than Caleigh's fairy god hacker to keep this safe for her."

Morgan sat quietly with her as she tearfully sorted through all the files Emily was relying on her to get to Caleigh.

' _Hey Beautiful… it's your 21st birthday and you are amazing. I am so proud of you. Now it's time for me to tell you the truth in my own words. I'm sure Grandma and Aunt Fiona have told you bit's and pieces...'_

 **END CHAPTER 10**


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

 **March 2011**

Hotch was stunned to see Malcolm Cooper at the funeral. It had taken him a few weeks to work out who Caleigh's father was and when he finally put the pieces together he had been floored that the New York Detective who owed his life to Emily had used her in that way.

Emily had given him her trust and he'd used that to get laid.

"Let's walk" he instructed the New York detective.

"Where's my daughter Agent Hotchner." he'd seen the news and the profile they'd given of Emily. It included her 7 month old daughter, he'd done the math and knew the baby was his. He suspected she called things off when she found out she was pregnant.

"What daughter? As far as I or any official record shows you have two sons with your wife of 6 years, not a 7 month old daughter."

Malcolm coloured slightly at the barb.

"You think she's your daughter? Good luck proving it, first you'd need to tell your wife you were cheating on her for over a year, secondly you'd need to prove to a Judge you were in a sexual relationship with Emily at the time of Caleigh's conception in order to get a DNA test. I guarantee two things, Emily left no evidence that she was in a relationship with you, there are no photos, travel records, credit card receipts, her name is on no hotel register, nothing to show she left DC to meet with you and I doubt you could often get too far from New York. I'm betting you both paid cash every time and while you may have travelled under your real name Emily didn't, she valued her privacy too much, we checked. The Ambassador and Fiona would be fighting you every step of the way and will never agree to a paternity test without a court order. Thirdly, good luck finding her, Caleigh is in protective custody until the man who killed Emily has been caught. Finally Emily has never named Caleigh's father in any document or to any of us, when asked all she would tell is they parted amicably each having made their own choices. If what you claim is true, I'm guessing she found out you chose to cheat on your wife and she chose not to break up your marriage with news of a pregnancy."

Hotch would never tell anyone about their conversation in his apartment. It had taken him several weeks to work out, it wasn't until he was walking past her desk and saw an email from him pop up and then it all came together.

"Now, I'm going to give you one chance to walk away. If you press this I will make sure every dirty secret you have hidden will be brought to light, every woman you've cheated on your wife with will be found and their names given to the Ambassador who will parade them through the court one after the other. Every accusation of excessive force, every mistake will be brought to light and presented to the judge and every time you claim to have met with Emily we'll provide proof and witnesses of her being elsewhere. Walk away now Detective Cooper." Hotch glared at him until the man did just that.

* * *

10 days after being stabbed through the gut with a table leg Emily was starting to get her strength back. She was up and walking around, was able to shower as long as she kept the wound covered and could hold Caleigh if someone else picked her up.

The current plan was to move her with Caleigh and Gideon to a safehouse in Delaware until she could manage on her own and after that Gideon would be on his way and she and Caleigh were being moved to Europe where she would be given new identities for them and access to funds.

Emily wasn't entirely sure what she would do from there. The State Department had asked if she was willing to do confidential threat analysis and translations for them while she was in hiding and she had tentatively agreed.

It would keep her mind occupied and sharp.

Where they would live she had no plan yet. From what JJ had intimated it would be up to her to find a safe place to stay. There was a tiny cabin hidden deep in the French Alps that very few people knew about or could find without stumbling across it accidentally. In theory it was perfect but Emily had already discounted it as a place to go. WIth the baby and her injuries it was too isolated.

Years before she'd planned an exit strategy and had several bolt holes ready and waiting should she ever need them and she just needed to decide which to use.

The last time she saw Hotch was the day she was discharged from the hospital. He'd been full of apologies and promises of her place with the BAU waiting for her when she came home.

That was also the day they cleared the air.

"Easter admitted that he forbade you from bringing us in" Hotch started "and I've read the original profile on Doyle so I get the position you found yourself in and so does JJ..."

"But the rest of the team won't... " Emily had known all along that Morgan and Reid especially might never be able to forgive her.

"I wouldn't quite go that far… Clyde managed to also get me clearance to read the after action reports so I have a different perspective of the events of the last few weeks, which when the time comes I plan on impressing on them the necessity of the actions that have been taken."

"Reid and Morgan have never done that type of undercover work." Emily wasn't harsh in her words only blunt "They don't understand the necessity of a lie of this magnitude or why they can't be read in, why I had to keep you all in the dark for as long as I did. Doyle will be watching and their grief needs to be real, I hope one day I'll get a chance to explain..."

"You will." Hotch promised "Dave will be fine, he's seen too much and to be honest with you I wouldn't be surprised if he suspects a cover up of some sort already. I actually believe Garcia will have a deeper understanding of what you had to do in the past and and what we've had to do now than anyone will give her credit for. The years she spent underground as the Black Queen, pretending to be someone she's not, being in the darkness. She'll get it…"

Emily nodded biting her lip against the tears

"I promise you Emily, you will get your life back." in an uncharacteristic move Hotch reached out and grabbed her hand to squeeze it tightly "I promise."

She didn't believe him.

* * *

The little beach house halfway between Wachapreague and Quinby Delaware was beautifully appointed and had a near perfect view over the Atlantic.

They were isolated enough that the moon and stars lit up the beach like a fairy tale and on their first night after putting Caleigh to bed Emily made her way out to the dunes.

Staring out over the pitch black ocean, listening to the waves as they hit the shore the reality of her new life hit.

The first tear trickled down alone and she swiped it away.

The fallout from the original Doyle case 7 years earlier had been bigger than anyone had seen. She'd been working as a NOC for years and had thought JTF-12 was her way out of the murky world of undercover work. Too long wearing different women's skin, shedding Emily for the greater good… She wasn't a secret ninja, couldn't kill a man 6 different ways with her pinky finger, she wasn't the crack shot that could put a bullet through someone's head at 1500 yards. There was nothing threatening about her appearance, she was soft and feminine, able to slip in and play the part of a woman who had her own power and was in charge of her own life.

A woman who didn't need a man to be successful but who didn't threaten any of the men she was working with.

Appealing and amiable, profiling people long before she took the classes. Emily had a natural sense about people, had learned how to read body language and find hidden meanings at her mother's knee.

Elizabeth had made sure Emily knew how to read the person in front of her quickly and accurately but never expected her to use those lessons in diplomacy to gain trust and maintain her cover.

She'd been too many different women throughout her life, played too many different characters. JTF-12 had been her first attempt at being Emily after nearly a decade of being everyone else. It didn't work, despite her desire to move out of undercover she was selected for JTF-12 because of her undercover experience.

The lifestyle she was desperately trying to claw her way out of was sucking her back in.

They already had five different cases running when Sean McAllister brought them Valhalla.

They worked the case for 2 months before deciding on a way in. Ian Doyle, high up in the organisation, all intel pointed to a weakness for mouthy brunettes with guns.

It had been Jeremy who'd phrased it exactly like that and all eyes had flashed to Emily. If it had been physically possible she would have stared at herself as well. None of them came right out and said that Emily fit the bill perfectly all four of them were thinking it.

Emily had managed to avoid major parts in their other cases… running intel and profiles for the team but now she needed to step up.

Fucking Ian Doyle wasn't the worst thing she'd had to do to maintain her cover…

There was a Greek human trafficker who was missing three fingers on his right hand. Fingers she'd caught in the pants of a 6 year old boy… fingers she'd removed one at a time. Some day's Emily wondered how long his balls had hurt after she mule kicked them during the brawl that she won and took his fingers as her prize.

That was the first case she and Clyde had worked together… Annika Bregman… a drug dealer who bought little boys to be her runners. Paid well as long as they were healthy and undamaged when they got to her. In the 10 months Emily had been Annika they'd shut down 8 traffick rings and saved 200 children.

The fingers were a bonus.

Emily would never commit that type of violence on another human being… Annika was capable of that and so much more.

There were other things Emily kept locked away in the darkest part of her mind.

By the time she was dragged out of the Tuscan villa in late 2004 she was more than done. She'd been slipping in and out of Lauren Reynolds skin for the better part of a year

The de-briefing had been interminable and all the while Emily felt out of place in her own skin. It was taut and loose and itchy and numb… her body didn't belong to Emily anymore, it had belonged to Rose, Amelia, Annika, Leisel, Gwen and finally Lauren. Emily was a wraith torn apart by too many other women.

She demanded an agency transfer and fake Bureau background. At the time she didn't really care where she ended up as long as it wasn't undercover, surprisingly she ended up in Quantico to work Linguistics and she slowly stole the pieces of herself back from those other women.

It started with quiet evenings reading Kurt Vonnegut, then spending a Saturday at the Smithsonian wandering the museum of natural history. Taking herself out for meals where she reminded herself of the food Emily liked and enjoyed a good craft beer.

Lauren drank bourbon, Gwen preferred red wine and Leisel didn't drink at all.

Neither Annika nor Rose cared as long as it was alcoholic and Amelia preferred scotch.

Underneath it all Emily wasn't fussy and tended to order based on the meal.

Months passed and the profile came back… it was Emily and only Emily that made the decision to fake Declan and Louise's deaths.

The voices of the other women had faded and after years of playing someone else she had finally, painstakingly sewn herself back together.

The fight for respect and acceptance at the BAU did nothing but reinforce that Emily and only Emily was left.

Ian Doyle came back and started out by picking at the seams then he took a dagger to them. In those last few days, despite being dead Lauren Reynolds took a breath and started to leak out.

Ian Doyle had succeeded, he killed Emily Prentiss.

* * *

Standing in the door of the beach house Gideon listened to the impossible.

Emily Prentiss sobbing

* * *

The days in Delaware were interminably slow. Gideon could see Emily cutting herself off from him, preparing herself for the day she was healthy enough for herself and Caleigh to be moved out of the US.

He was wise enough to know it was a defense mechanism.

He didn't push, instead letting her do what was needed to protect herself.

He watched her with Caleigh, the way her hands constantly moved in the babies view, signing the words she was speaking and the baby in turn mimicked her. He watched her turn all of her considerable focus onto the baby, working through exercises to help with her developmental delays. It hadn't been noticeable just how off her balance was until Caleigh started rolling over and attempting to sit up. Sudden motion changes resulted in spit up and a very unhappy baby.

Two weeks of false peace and Emily was pronounced healthy enough to travel and care for herself and Caleigh on her own.

Gideon said his goodbyes… Emily nodded stoically, she'd been steeling herself for this separation. It was easier to say goodbye to Gideon than to Hotch.

She's never had to break into Gideon's home and found nothing but a bullet hole in the wall and a pool of cold blood.

Emily has their one suitcase packed and while the baby carrier puts uncomfortable pressure on her left side Caleigh is still small enough to be carried for long periods.

April 19… she'd been dead for 39 days when she and Caleigh were hustled onto a private jet by JJ.

Never having been on a plane before Caleigh spent the first hour alternating between crying and spitting up. Once they hit cruising altitude Emily managed to calm the baby enough to nurse until she dropped into an exhausted sleep.

Nursing had been its own drama over the last few weeks. Caleigh still hated the bottle and because of her injuries her body had turned all it's efforts over to healing and not feeding a baby. Emily had noticed that the stronger she got the longer she was able to nurse Caleigh. If she kept healing at the rate she was going she would be able to stop supplementing with formula in a few weeks.

The flight from DC to Paris was bittersweet because once they land it will only be a matter of hours before JJ leaves them to go back to whatever the Pentagon has her doing.

Rubbing lightly at the healed clover on her chest Emily let out a deep sigh "I'd love to get rid of this… How could a brand hurt more than getting staked?"

"Maybe it's a psychosomatic itch you're scratching? The brand left an emotional toll, Doyle established dominance over you by marking you as his. A stake-I mean you overcame death. The ultimate victory over your foe. Why suffer a pain you're proud of? Or you could always get another tattoo. Oh yeah, something transformative, like a Phoenix or a blackbird?" Emily was a little bit stunned by JJ's insight. The blond had always been quick to narrow in on what was going on with the person in front of her but this was on a whole new level.

"I love the song but something tells me I shouldn't tread in your waters… Come on, JJ something's obviously different about you. You commandeered an Interpol jet, you're profiling me. Why didn't you say your transfer was a backstop? Oh, I know that look. The 'I can't trust anyone but myself' look. I invented it." Emily gave as good as she got.

"Do you ever feel like you're in way over your head? I got assigned to an information hunt. Instead, I am chasing an unsub who killed my informant." JJ knew she couldn't say too much but trusted Emily to read between the lines.

"What would Hotch tell you to do?" Emily's voice hitched.

"Focus on victimology, let behavior lead the way." JJ had always pretended to leave the profiling to the others but you don't spend as many years in the BAU as JJ did without learning to think like them.

"Exactly." Emily paused for a moment "Who did your unsub kill?"

"The one person I was getting through to."

"Why?"

"Because I was getting through to her." JJ caught on to Emily's line of thinking. "What if she was about to expose her killer? Someone on the inside?

"It sounds like it's time for you to be the blackbird and flip the script."

They let the conversation drop away after that, simply enjoying each others company.

"I wish we'd had one more girls night" JJ sighed eventually. She'd been out of the country since the new year and the only contact had been via email.

"So do I…" Emily reached out and grabbed JJ's hand "Promise me you'll keep yourself safe."

"I promise" JJ squeezed back.

* * *

They ended up getting one night together in Paris.

They ordered an exorbitant amount of food from room service and stayed up all night watching old B movies pretending they were back in DC in one of their condos.

Early the next morning JJ checked out first and headed off to meet her contact with Emily's new identity documents.

Waiting several hours before leaving herself Emily headed out to find a different hotel to check into. One that JJ wouldn't know about, both women knew once they seperated there could be no contact… well no contact that could be traced to either of them.

Late that evening Emily sat in an unassuming cafe on Avenue du Marechal Gallieni, Caleigh sitting in the stoller cuddling with Gordan the stuffed cat.

They hadn't been there long when JJ slid into the seat opposite her and handed over a package.

"Passports from 3 different countries and a bank account in each to keep you comfortable."

Staring at it momentarily she blew her breath out and looked back up at JJ, they'd said their goodbyes already "Thank you".

"Good luck"

Maneuvering the stroller out of the cafe Emily walked off into the night firmly believing she'd never see her best friend again.

 **END CHAPTER 11**


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

 **April 2011**

AN: Minor crossover in this chapter, I borrowed a couple of characters and the location of ITV's 'Doc Martin'. No knowledge of the show required, I don't own it and am making no money.

If it had just been her Emily would probably have stayed in Paris indefinitely. It was easy to blend in and hide. With Caleigh she wanted out of the cities, she wanted to be somewhere clean and light with open spaces… somewhere Lauren Reynolds and Emily Prentiss would never be caught dead in. They loved the city and city life but Matilda and Carys Holt wanted anything but.

Years before she'd purchased a safe house in Cornwall. A tiny little farmhouse in a tiny little fishing village. It had never been declared and the ID she'd used to purchase it was unknown to everyone, so she called the cleaning service to head out there and get it ready for them to live in while she worked out the safest way to get there.

The train ride passed quickly, Emily's still healing body demanding she sleep and Caleigh exhausted from the traveling, time change and lack of schedule snoozed on her chest.

The passports supplied by JJ worked exactly as advertised.

Once in London she swung by Barclay's just outside of Kings Cross station and raided the safety deposit box she'd left there years before.

With an extra 20,000 pounds at her disposal Emily heads out into the suburbs and finds the dodgiest car dealer she can in Reading and picks up a beat up old Peugeot and heads west.

The four hour drive west to the Cornish coast was too much for her so she pulls over at a little BB in Glastonbury and gets them a room for the night. Ignoring the concerned looks from the owner at just how unhealthy she appears she heads up to the room and let's Caleigh loose on the ground to roll and play as much as she wants. She had been planning to just put the baby to sleep in the stroller but 30 minutes after they arrive there's a knock at the door and the owner is standing there with a gentle smile and a port-a-cot.

When they arrive in Portwenn early the next afternoon Emily's breath is taken away by the peaceful beauty of the little fishing village. The tiny cottage she's owned for a decade but never visited sits high up on a bluff with views over both the moors and the Cornish Sea. When the car is unpacked Emily sits on the front porch with Caleigh in her lap and watches the waves… Rossi would love this view, he'd sit with her in silence and just enjoy the peace. Hotch would be running all over the grass with Jack laughing, Garcia would be lying in the sun… no matter how cold it was. Reid would be sitting reading and Morgan wouldn't be caught dead where he couldn't find a honey.

JJ… JJ would be distracting her with talk about everything and nothing.

In her arms she could feel Caleigh's little body grow limper and limper as sleep took over and once she was sure the baby was out Emily lay her down on a blanket on the floor. All Emily wanted to do was join her and curl up for a nap but she needed to unpack and set up the port-a-cot she'd purchased on her way out of Reading and check the cupboards to make sure they were stocked as she'd requested.

Pushing through the fatigue and pain she got the cot set up and Caleigh moved into it and was methodically making her way through the kitchen which caused tears of frustration to spring up.

She'd been clear in her email, soy milk and soy formula and they'd stocked it with neither. The tin in her bag only had enough left for one more bottle. She'd been relying on them to get it right.

Giving up for now she lay down in the bed and was just drifting off to sleep when Caleigh woke up crying.

Hopefully the shops in the village would have what she needed.

"Excuse me?" Emily approaches the woman manning the cash register "Do you have any soy formula? I already checked the grocers and they said to try here."

"Ooooh no, we don't sell any of that stuff. There's perfectly good standard formula." the odd woman in a neck brace eyed Emily suspiciously.

"She's allergic to dairy" she really didn't have any fight in her "Would it be possible to order some in for us? I'm happy to pay."

"We'll I'd need a note from the Doctor… only because it's not standard" the woman hedged.

Taking a deep breath Emily dug in her satchel bag and pulled out the medical report in their fake names confirming the allergy. The woman scanned it with a raised eyebrow and shook her head.

"Sorry Miss but how am I to know if this is real or not? I'm sure Doc Martin can give you what you need."

Emily let her eyes fall closed and nodded before pushing her way out the door. Standing in the street she looked around the tiny Cornish village. Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all.

The ache in her side had moved beyond dull and was starting to become sharp. She needed to put Caleigh down soon and she really didn't have the energy to walk up the hill to the Dr's Surgery. Going back to the car she strapped Caleigh in and drove back out to the tiny farmhouse.

Putting Caleigh in the port-a-cot, Emily then put herself to bed

When she woke hours later, slightly less exhausted, Caleigh was crying in hunger.

Picking up the 8 month old Emily lay on the couch and let her nurse to take the edge off the babies hunger. Caleigh was eating more solids now but still preferred nursing to formula which was fine with Emily in theory. She simply wasn't making enough milk right now to satisfy the baby so still needed to supplement.

When there was nothing left she grabbed a banana from the bench and fed it to the baby who was hungry enough to eat it begrudgingly.

"I know this is not what you want" she signed "Mommy's doing her best and I'll get us some formula to keep you going for now."

With a tired sigh she decided to see if she could get into see the doctor in the village straight away, if she couldn't then she'd have to make the 40 minute drive out to Camelford and find somewhere she could get soy formula over the counter.

The young woman with pink and blond dreadlocks gave her a strange look and told her to take a seat in the empty waiting room. Five minutes later her head shot up sharply as an angry voice echoed out of the other room.

"You're not sick now stop wasting my time!" an older man… overweight… wearing overalls and a beanie opened the door and ambled is way out.

"I'm telling you Doc…" he tried to say.

"OUT!" she watched curiously as he huffed in irritation and looked around the waiting room "NEXT" his angry stare settled on Emily and Caleigh.

At the receptionists nod Emily stood and followed Doctor Ellingham into the back room.

"What's the problem?" his tone was curt but there was an intelligence and conviction in his eyes.

Emily pulled the medical record out of her bag and handed it over "I went to the pharmacy to get some soy formula but the lady there wouldn't order it in for me without a doctor's confirmation… she said this wasn't good enough."

She watched carefully as he scanned the document "Are you still breast feeding the child?"

"When I can but I was injured 8 weeks ago and... "

"Your milk supply was compromised meaning you need to supplement with formula." It wasn't much but Emily could swear she saw a flash of compassion.

"Yeah…"

"And even with the medical report Mrs Tishall refused to sell you soy formula…?"

"Yes, said they don't stock it and tried to get me to buy the standard." Emily confirmed.

"Excuse me…" he stood and stalked out into the waiting room slamming the door behind him.

Several long moments later his yelling began, Emily couldn't hear everything but several words floated through the closed door because they weren't just yelled, they were bellowed.

" _Soy… stock… immediately… called… baby… died… NOW!"_

The door opened again and Emily looked up from the stuffed cat she and Caleigh were playing with.

"They're sending 2 tins up for you now. Please let Mrs Tishall know how much you'll need and how long for and she'll have it delivered. Now your injury is obviously causing pain, if you'll get up on the table I'll check you over while we wait."

Emily tried to argue but she had never met a doctor like Martin Ellingham, he was gruff, cranky, had the bedside manner of a drunken gnat, was gentle with Caleigh and managed to out stubborn her with logic and facts.

Her 'I'm fine' was met with a litany on physical health being critical to the successful rearing of a child was presented in such a way Emily couldn't argue her way out of, which resulted in her placing Caleigh on the floor and hopping up on the examination table.

"She's not crawling yet…" Emily assured him as he stepped over the baby.

On the floor the baby slowly toppled onto her side. Emily's eyes tracked Caleigh and watched for the telltale signs that the movement would result in spit up.

"She's barely sitting up."

He palpated the angry red scar tissue gently.

"At 8 months old? Have you spoken to a pediatrician?"

"Yeah but we're not worried yet, she's making all the right moves, getting up into the right positions but can't maintain her balance which is pretty normal for vestibulocochlear aplasia."

"Because her brain is only getting some of the messages that she's moving, the rest of her body isn't reacting in time." Doctor Ellingham commented appreciative of her correct terminology usage. He hit a particularly tender spot causing Emily to wince.

"I want to see you again in a week, take it easy and come see me if the child has any issues." he declared abruptly and kicked her out of the surgery.

* * *

Emily's not sure how but around the village she became known as 'the American with the sick baby'.

It still felt strange introducing them as Matilda and Carys… her head was screaming that they are Emily and Caleigh. Her baby isn't sick… just needs different tools, she's not a high school literature teacher who lost her husband in the car accident that injured her and has come to Portwenn to recover and grieve.

But she is, this is the part she has to play. Matilda Holt came to the UK on a teachers exchange 5 years earlier and met her husband. At the end of the year she resigned from her job in Seattle to stay in London with Alun. 6 months later they eloped to Gretna Green and according to the information pack that came with the ID they'd been wanting a baby ever since.

Matilda quit her job to stay at home with Carys and 8 weeks before coming to Portwenn, Alun had been killed in the car accident that injured Matilda.

Emily didn't have to pretend to be grieving.

She was grieving the loss of her mother… despite the message JJ passed on Emily didn't believe Elizabeth would ever forgive her. It had been close to a decade since Emily and her father had done more than exchange Christmas and birthday cards, he'd never even responded to Caleigh's birth announcement.

As prepared as she had been to parent alone Emily missed her team… Hotch understood being a terrified parent willing to do anything to protect your child.

There must be something to the theory of sea air being good for you because within 6 weeks of arriving in Portwenn Emily had put back on all the weight she had lost while in hospital and the local's were caught up in the summer tourist season leaving her alone.

She split her days between working on threat analysis for the DOJ and working with Caleigh to improve her balance and just as she reached 11 months old the baby could finally sit up on her own for more than a few seconds.

Doctor Ellingham seemed to have taken Caleigh on as a personal project and brought his son James up to visit once a week. Emily had been trying to work out the relationship between the Doctor and James' mother, they seemed to bounce between lovers, best friends and worst enemy's.

James would sit happily with Emily while the Doctor assessed Caleigh's progress and came up with suggestions for Emily to try and help Caleigh along.

The funniest thing was Emily spent more time counseling him on his relationship with Louisa then he did seeing to their medical needs. Apparently the two of them had a bad habit of miscommunicating and every week had another drama. More than once Emily could do nothing more than laugh as he sat there and tried to maintain his dignity.

Louisa had been wary of the other woman at first until Martin brought her up to Emily's with him one day finally explaining his interest.

"She was badly injured in the accident that killed her husband on top of having a baby with developmental delays from a congenital birth defect. I go up there to check on Matilda and the baby because after what happened with Mrs Tishall and the gossip that's been going around she's understandably leery about coming into town."

Louisa studied him intently for a moment, after so many years Martin wasn't all that hard to read "You're making sure she's looking after the both of them."

"Yes" Martin responded shortly "And she's a good sounding board for when we disagree. Matilda seems to have a knack for… translating for lack of a better word."

"So you tell her what's going on and she tells you what to do about it." Louisa clarifies still a little unsure of this foreigner.

"Once she stops laughing at me, yes." He reached out and banged on the front door. "I would imagine this is much like having a sister" he mused.

* * *

Caleigh's first birthday is bittersweet.

Emily had thought it would be a fun day full of cake, streamers, presents, family and friends. In her head she'd been thinking of a picnic in Belle Haven Park and an open invite to anyone who wanted to turn up. Instead it's just the two of them...

She'd found a dairy free chocolate cake recipe online weeks before and after several test runs which ended in absolute disaster for the first two, the third attempt is somewhat edible and the fourth is perfect so she has a cake and and a couple of small presents for Caleigh to open.

She dresses Caleigh in a beautiful pale yellow dress with tiny bluebells embroidered all over it and fixes a matching bow in the wispy brown hair. Emily, making sure there are no identifying landmarks in view, video's Caleigh tearing at the paper a look of complete confusion on her face as the pieces come off in her hand to find the stuffed elephant below.

The confusion morphs to absolute delight on Caleigh's face as she pulls the plush toy to her face and hugs it brings a matching delighted smile to Emily's face.

Lighting a single candle on a piece of cake Emily holds it in front of the camera and after a few seconds blows it out and feeds a few bites to the new toddler.

Attaching the 2 minute video to a message Emily sends it to her handler with a short request.

 **Please forward to her Grandmother**

The message would bounce through several different servers and countries before getting to the State Department.

Slipping the phone into her pocket she picked up Caleigh and the picnic basket and headed down to the beach.

Two days later in the embassy in Tunis Elizabeth's email beeps. She opens the email and watches the video with tears in her eyes.

Opening a new email she attaches a copy and sends it to Aaron Hotchner. Elizabeth watches the video on loop for 15 minutes before managing to tear herself away and back to her work.

Hotch was in the process of handing over to Rossi before flying out to Pakistan when the email came through.

Seeing who it was from and the name of the file he instructed Rossi the gather the rest of the team in the conference room.

10 minutes later they were all sitting waiting.

"I know updates on Caleigh have been scarce out of necessity but my contact in WitSec just forwarded me this. I thought you all might like to see it." he hits play and sits back.

"She's so pretty…" Garcia gasps and rests her head on Morgan's shoulder "Just like her mama" he agrees.

Rossi is the only one who notices the picked down nails on the hand feeding Caleigh cake. He doesn't look to Hotch but JJ who's returned to the team just in time to replace Hotch.

* * *

"Have you thought about going back to London?" Louisa and Emily are spending a sunny Saturday afternoon in early September in Emily's garden watching James enjoy the sun from his pram and Caleigh appears to be stuck on her hands and knees.

At not quite 13 months she wasn't crawling yet. Just like sitting up she could get into the right position and move her hands knees in a crawling motion but simply couldn't maintain her balance in that position for any length of time.

"Yes… and no" Emily sighs "it's so peaceful here… a part of me wants to raise her back home but… here I can hide away from the world and pretend we're on holiday."

It was the most honest thing she'd ever said to Louisa.

She wanted to be back in DC with her friends and family, she wanted her job back and she wanted to raise Caleigh there. As pleasant as Portwenn is it's not home, but the longer Emily spends here the more she starts thinking about staying, making a life here.

Be Matilda and Carys forever.

No one here would ever know her as anything different. Portwenn didn't have arms dealers and serial killers, their police department was a single man and the most dangerous person in town was the handy man who seemed to be continually coming up with the wildest get rich quick schemes. It would be so easy to disappear into this life forever, let Emily and her baggage go.

No more carrying a gun, no more killers, kidnappers and child molesters. Matilda Holt didn't have secrets, she didn't have a kill count, she didn't know how to profile, she hadn't spent her childhood being dragged from country to country, she wasn't fluent in 6 different languages.

No more traveling to seek out the worst of the worst, reconciling the same hands that pulled the trigger on a suspect so gently cradled her daughter.

No more girls nights with JJ and Garcia, no more Hotch, Reid, Rossi and Morgan… as much as she loved them they were all damaged in their own way.

The people here in Portwenn live a beautiful, simple life that was so easy to sink into.

* * *

Emily stared at the phone in her hand. A call from a number she'd hoped to never see… Tom telling her Declan was missing.

After several minutes of contemplating her next move a quiet thump jarred her and brought her attention back to the tiny living room. On the other side of the coffee table Caleigh was resting her cheek against the wooden floor banging away with tiny fists. As far as Emily could tell the 13 month old did that to feel the vibrations. Emily stamped out a gentle beat causing her daughter to giggle.

She'd love to set up a sub woofer for so Caleigh could learn what people dance to…

That was for later… she needed to decide what to do now.

 **END CHAPTER 12**


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

 **September 2011**

The hardest part about heading back to DC to find Declan was deciding what to do with Caleigh. Emily knew she would be safe in Portwenn with Louisa. No one knew she was here and no one would think to look for them in a tiny village in Cornwall. It was the exact opposite of everything Emily Prentiss which is why she'd chosen it.

It was the sensible thing to do, once Declan was found and everything was taken care of Emily could come back and slide into this life as Matilda Holt permanently… this time with closure and goodbyes or she could farewell the people who had become friends and go back to being Emily Prentiss FBI agent.

She still hadn't decided.

Either way she wasn't doing the sensible thing, Caleigh was coming with her. Casting an eye over the suitcase Emily nodded in satisfaction before grabbing the diaper bag and shoving several changes of clothes for Caleigh into it along with diapers and food.

Emily took a moment to stare at Matilda and Carys' passports before shoving them in the drawer and pulling out ones she'd had made up on the sly several months before.

Teresa and Sophie Catz, no one knew about these.

It would cost her a chunk of money but there was a flight at 7:30am from Heathrow to Dulles. Quickly calculating the time Emily knew she would make it easily if they left now. While Newquay airport was only 30 minutes away every flight she found had a lengthy layover or multiple stops. It was quicker to drive the 4 and a half hours.

Scribbling a quick note for Louisa and Martin she strapped Caleigh into the car, covered her in a towel to catch any puke and hoped she would be able to get back here one day and tell them the truth.

The drive was long and lonely, fueled by coffee and adrenaline. Caleigh slept the entire time waking only as Emily pulled her out of the car seat and settled her comfortably in the wrap.

Their tickets were waiting for them at check in and when the service desk clerk saw the purchase date and time Emily shrugged "Family emergency" she huffed and checked in their suitcase.

She couldn't wait for the day when traveling with Caleigh didn't require a so much stuff.

Caleigh sat comfortably in the moby wrap while they made their way through customs and security and once through Emily found them a quiet cafe where they could both have breakfast.

When they were both full and had a trip to the bathroom with an hour to go before boarding Emily made her way to the gate and found them a section of floor to sit on. With a blanket spread out Emily leaned back against the wall and took Caleigh through some of the recommended exercises to try and improve her balance knowing it would exhaust her enough that she'd go back to sleep for take off.

One of the observations Doctor Ellingham made was Caleigh didn't go through the instinctual motions to maintain her balance. She had the leg and core strength to walk or cruise along furniture but couldn't make balance corrections in time to stay upright so they were trying to teach her body to automatically use muscle memory to keep her arms in the right position to assist.

It was a long and slow process but seemed to be working so far, they'd seen regular improvements in Caleigh's ability to remain upright, crawling was still iffy but she could now stand unassisted for 4 seconds.

As expected the toddler was starting to wind down when boarding started. Hitting send on the pre prepared message to her handler she grabbed Caleigh and their gear. For the first time in her life Emily managed to be one of the first on the plane as she took full use of the early boarding call for those traveling with young children.

Eyeing the space under the seat Emily shoved her purse in the diaper bag and the bag under her seat while Caleigh watched from their chair curiously. Having not bothered to take the sling off while they waited in the lounge she slid Caleigh inside so they were facing each other, handed over Gordon and watched as Caleigh frowned in concentration. Her body tensed and she grunted a few times then looked at Emily wide eyed and innocent.

"You just filled your diaper didn't you?" Emily signed and received a toothy grin in response. The plane was still mercifully empty so she stood back up grabbed the diaper bag and slid into the toilets to change her daughter.

When she got back to their seat there was an older couple seated by the window. Neither of them looked pleased to be seated next to a woman and toddler, if all went to plan Caleigh would be half asleep and nursing by the time they took off so they would have nothing to complain about.

Emily was well aware that things seldom went to plan when a young child was involved but on this day something seemed to be smiling on her. As the doors closed Caleigh wiggled down her chest and started to push at her shirt.

As the plane ascended Caleigh brought a hand up to press against her ear and started to pull away wanting to voice her upset. Ready for this reaction Emily gently pulled her tighter against her and winced as little teeth dug in painfully. It didn't take long for the swallowing to relieve the pressure and it appeared to also minimize the motion sickness.

It wasn't long before Caleigh was fast asleep and having been awake for 26 hours Emily wasn't far behind.

* * *

As soon as their flight landed she switched her cell phone back on and received a very long very angry message that ended with a promise to be waiting at the gate for them. Picking up their suitcase she made her way through customs and received a angry whispered lecture from Mike as he guided them out to his car and headed south to Quantico.

On the familiar and comforting drive Emily wondered if Caleigh would remember any of her teammates. She knew it was improbable as they'd spent nearly half her life in hiding but a part of her hoped a part of Caleigh recognised them.

They made it through the security checks using the third identity given to her in Paris and Mike left them standing in a surprisingly empty bullpen until movement up in the conference room caught her eye.

Hotch with a beard… she curled up her lip, she wasn't a fan.

Emily made her way up the stairs and along the catwalk, Caleigh watching wide eyed as she chewed Gordon's tail. As she approached the room on silent feet she caught the tail end of Hotch's filling the team in.

"...She was relocated first to Paris where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to, for her security. After that she moved to a safe house in an unknown location."

The reactions were expected and when Morgan's started to boil over she stepped directly into Garcia's view.

Stamping down the butterflies she locked eyes with her friend and tried to convey just how sorry she was.

"Oh my god…" before she can say anything the blonde is flying towards her with tears in her eyes and she's wrapped in 167 centimeters plus platforms of emotional blonde. Caleigh isn't upset by the surprise hug, instead she's enamored by the flowered headband and tries to pull it out of Garcia's hair.

The next few minutes are full of hugs and apologies as she and Caleigh are passed from person to person.

Caleigh keeps one hand wrapped in Emily's hair the whole time and the other hugging Gordon close as she took in all these people she didn't recognise shying away from direct interaction. Even when Reid signed hello and introduced himself.

It wasn't ideal but she left the toddler with Garcia while going to interrogate Doyle. It was a very unhappy little girl she came back to an hour later.

"I think she missed her mama." Garcia passed Caleigh back to Emily.

"The last time we were separated was when I left her with Gideon" Emily admitted "She doesn't know anything else. We are in for some massive separation anxiety when I start working again."

* * *

Holding Declan in her arms while Ian bled out on the tarmac was harder than she'd imagined. Everything she'd done had been to protect him from this.

Sitting in the back of the Tahoe as Morgan drove, Declan dropped his head into her lap with an exhausted sigh.

"I remember you too" he murmured "I remember you laughing and chasing me…"

"You had this insane giggle" Emily told him "It was addictive… I would play with you for hours while Louise worked."

"I still look good for a dead kid!" he slurred as sleep took over him.

* * *

With no childcare Emily relied on the team to watch over Caleigh while she was in with the senate committee. The final day when they were all called in as a team only Erin Strauss was available which Emily was wary of but knew the only other option was to take Caleigh in with her. Letting Strauss watch her was the lesser of two evils as far as Emily was concerned, the woman had successfully raised three children through to their teens.

She ended up in the hearing room for close to two hours and was edge the entire time listening for Caleigh's cries.

When she exited the room not long after lunch it took a few long moments to process what she was seeing. Caleigh was resting comfortably in Strauss' arms playing with Gordon smiling and happy.

"I don't get it…?" Garcia walked up beside her. "Strauss of all people, I went to take her but Caleigh wouldn't let me move her."

"I wonder if Reid knows a way to reprogram 1 year olds." Emily wasn't sure if she was rescuing Caleigh from Strauss or vice versa.

* * *

Hotch gave her two weeks to get everything settled. Actually what he said was take the time you need and Emily was the one to decide the time limit.

Her to do list was short but critical. Go back to Portwenn to say goodbye and pack, find somewhere to live, find out if Joy was willing to come back, buy a car.

Garcia was an absolute angel throughout all of this, taking the lead on the search for a condo for them while Emily stayed in her mother's Georgetown house. With a promise to be contactable Emily flew back to England and spent two days packing up the house in Portwenn and saying her goodbyes.

Louisa and Martin claimed they understood why she had lied but Emily could see the betrayal and hurt hovering as they said goodbye.

The real surprise was waiting at their boarding gate in Gatwick. Unbeknownst to her Garcia and her mother had conspired and managed to get Emily and Joy on the same flight back to DC so when she was once again tiring Caleigh out for the flight her name being shrieked by a very familiar voice startled her from where she was patiently walking Caleigh back and forth.

Gently lifting Caleigh into her arms she let Joy throw herself at them.

Emily and Elizabeth exchange several emails but didn't actually speak. Neither offers to make the trip to see the other and their communication is stilted and limited to practical items such as the location of Emily's personal belongings, getting all of her money out of trust and Elizabeth's permission to use the Georgetown house as long as she needs it.

As much as Elizabeth claims to understand why Emily did what she did, Emily knows it will be a long time before Elizabeth truly forgives her.

Maybe never.

* * *

Leaving Caleigh in the day care was painful, having been left several times in the last few weeks the little girl understood what it meant when Emily handed over the diaper bag to someone else and immediately burst into tears.

Emily pushed through the first day, not going down at lunch knowing it would set a precedent for the both of them and make the first time she travelled with the team that much harder.

The day was exhausting as Hotch sent her through requalifications on the gun range and hand to hand and then Rossi locked them up in his office to take her through her profiling paces leaving her physically and mentally exhausted.

The betrayal and anger emanating from Morgan and Reid left a sick feeling in her stomach and until she really had it out with them it wouldn't go away.

That night she dragged her exhausted and aching body into the house along with her clingy and upset 1 year old who proceeded to scream everytime Emily went to put her down.

She was standing in the kitchen trying to work up the will to cook them dinner when the doorbell sounded causing her to slump in defeat.

Opening the front door with Caleigh still clinging to her she was surprised to find Hotch and Jack standing there holding up take out from Emily's favourite burger place.

"All dairy free." He grinned as Jack bounced around her trying to get Caleigh's attention.

* * *

Their first major case was in Oklahoma, most of the team found themselves refereeing between JJ and Reid.

Emily could still feel the tension directed at her from Morgan but they slid into familiar patterns easily. When he joked about what was in her coffin she knew they'd be ok eventually.

As they were flying back home she slid into the seat next to Dave.

"Hotch told me you had your suspicions…?" Emily murmured not wanting anyone else to over hear.

"It was a couple of things…" Dave grinned unrepentantly before picking up her left hand and looking pointedly at the thumb "I was finally convinced when I saw Caleigh's birthday video, you fed her cake and the nearly nailless thumb gave you away."

He turned and caught her eye, at the time he'd been surprised at the sloppiness, but now she was home he realised just how damaged she was by the events of the year. He now suspected she'd done it on purpose with the knowledge that the team would eventually get a copy.

Perhaps even trying to subconsciously out herself.

It worried him.

Not even giving the team the night off Hotch ordered them all to Rossi's that evening for mandatory cooking lessons.

After finishing her report Emily grabbed Caleigh, swung by home for a shower and change of clothes for both of them then headed to Rossi's mansion.

Things weren't perfect, but the meal was delicious. Caleigh seemed to be on her best behaviour as Emily settled her with some toys on a blanket, making sure they were within sight of each other as the adults cooked and chatted.

Once the food was done Morgan wandered over to the toddler who held out Gordon for him to see with a toothy grin.

Reaching out he plucked her off the ground and hugged her close, twirling in a fast circle.

"Morgan don't…" Emily closed her eyes in defeat as Caleigh threw up over the both of them "Spin her…"

"That's disgusting!" he held the 14 month old under the armpits straight in front of him as she started wailing.

"Welcome to my world" she grabbed the towel Rossi threw at her and wrapped her daughter in it before heading towards the bathroom "This is why we travel with no less than four spare outfits" she threw over her shoulder.

"Caleigh's stomach doesn't cope well with sudden movements. Emily said it's all connected to her ears and why she's not walking yet." JJ winces and hands Morgan a second towel.

"Our sense of balance is a delicate system connected to sight, touch and hearing, the location of the aplasia means balance messages from her vestibular system don't get through so the balance information coming from the rest of her body in incomplete…" Reid scratched his cheek in thought his anger at JJ momentarily forgotten.

"The doctor said as her body learns to compensate for the missing information the most severe symptoms should abate including the vomiting whenever there's a sudden change of position." she finished.

"Why didn't she tell me?" the anger came roaring back as he glared at JJ.

"Did either of you ask?" Rossi looks between the two men still punishing JJ and Emily for faking Emily's death. "I did and she was quite open with me about what's happening with Caleigh."

"Same here" Garcia adds with a sad smile. Hotch remained silent, he and Jack had been over to Emily's for dinner a few times while she re-acclimatised and he was well aware of all the struggles Caleigh was going through.

Neither Morgan or Reid had a response. In the downstairs bathroom the sound of Caleigh crying could still be heard over the running water as Emily cleaned her up. After several minutes the crying died down and they all expected Emily to return straight away instead she slipped out of the bathroom and down the side hall to the quiet library.

She really wished Caleigh could tell her how she was feeling. The toddler's ASL was amazing and she had a vocabulary beyond most 14 month olds but the only word Caleigh knew to describe how she was feeling was yucky and that didn't give them a whole lot to work with. She didn't understand dizziness or nausea and couldn't describe it.

Slipping away from the rest of the team as they went back to their meals Reid followed Emily into the study and found her leaning back in the recliner Caleigh sniffling on her chest a few tears leaking out, thumb shoved firmly in her mouth.

"Is she ok?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, she just needs a few minutes to settle down…"

"Why did you go back you Europe?" he asked quietly, unsure if he really wanted to hear the answer.

"Two reasons" Emily took a deep breath "I needed to pick up the rest of our things and the local Doctor and his wife were really good to us. Martin and Louisa became friends. I needed to say goodbye and explain as much as I could to them… they don't know the whole story but I told them our real names and that we were in witness protection."

"You're good at not saying goodbye." he snapped.

"Too good at it, I've been forced to do it too many times in my life. At 14 I got home from school one day to find people packing up our house, my Mom had accepted an emergency assignment to Rome to take over until a new ambassador was appointed. We were supposed to come back to the states at the end of the year, instead we were on a flight that night..."

Spencer reared back as though she'd slapped him and her earlier words came back to him _I was mourning 6_.

"I'm still angry at JJ." he slumped back, being angry was exhausting.

"Why?" Emily knew Spencer well enough to realise his true anger wasn't over the secret but the lie.

"In the hospital… I tried to go and see you to say goodbye and she stopped me… she was crying and she hugged me…"

"Your grief was shared" Emily murmured in understanding "but it wasn't and that hurts. Her empathy wasn't real."

"I trusted JJ to never lie to me. Logically I understand the necessity of what was done, you and Caleigh and Declan needed to be protected from Doyle but…"

"The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of... We know the truth not only by the reason, but by the heart." Emily quoted.

"Blaise Pascal" Reid nodded and contemplated her words "I know JJ didn't lie out of mistrust and it had nothing to do with me, it doesn't make it hurt any less."

"So why aren't you angry at Hotch, he made the decision… and why were you so quick to forgive me? When I woke up I agreed to continue with the deception."

"I don't know." he admits "I should try and work that out, shouldn't I?"

They drop into comfortable silence until Caleigh perked up and started to push herself up off Emily's chest. Hauling herself out the of the recliner Emily set the toddler gently on her feet and held her hands to keep her upright while they walked slowly.

"May I?" Reid held his hands out and took over patiently guiding Caleigh back out to the kitchen.

 **END CHAPTER 13**


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14**

 **December 2011**

As Christmas approach so did a sense of disquiet.

Ever since their discussion around near death experiences in California Emily had been feeling slightly off centre and if asked the only words she could use to describe it was a paradigm shift. Before she'd gone into hiding it had been easier to compartmentalise their cases away from real life but now each felt like a lesson that she didn't have an outline or text for. It was like groping in the dark parts of her mind for the hidden meaning and relation to life.

Elizabeth still wasn't talking to her but the team had in some ways settled back into their old rhythm as though she'd never been gone.

It was unsettling.

It took a couple of weeks but Caleigh finally got used to daycare and Joy again. She still clung to Emily when she got home but was more accepting of other people caring for her.

It hadn't taken long for Emily to get sick of the Georgetown house and opted to rent while looking for a more permanent place to live. Nothing she'd seen jumped out at her as home, so she ended up renting a 2 bed flat in Newington, giving Joy the master bedroom and ensuite while Emily and Caleigh shared the second bedroom and main bathroom.

JJ did her best to distract Emily with updates of Will LaMontagne's recent move to DC.

"You guys have been on and off for 5 years… doing the whole fly in fly out bootie call. What changed?" Garcia asked one lunch time in the cafeteria at Quantico.

"I blame Emily." JJ snorted.

"Me! I had nothing to do with it… technically I was dead when the decision was made." Emily shot back.

"Exactly. I couldn't tell Will that you were alive and he started talking about wanting to give us a real go, one where we actually live in the same city. I had just transferred back from the Pentagon and was struggling to maintain the lie and... well he was making a lot of sense… so he started applying for jobs with Metro and a vacancy at his grade finally came up so here we are… cohabitating." JJ turned her lip up at the term.

"JJ doesn't like to share her closet space…" Garcia stage whispered to Emily.

"JJ doesn't want to have to re-chronologise her DVD collection" Emily whispered back smirking at the glare being thrown her way.

"JJ will make both your lives miserable…"

"You know talking about yourself in the third person is a sign of insanity… this is something Hotch needs to know so he can send you to psych instead of me." Emily threw back, completely unfazed by the filthy look JJ was giving her.

* * *

Emily found out Elizabeth had been facetiming with Caleigh by accident. She'd just returned from Philadelphia and was feeding Caleigh dinner when her phone rang, seeing it flash Caleigh immediately signed 'Grandma' and made grabby hands at the phone. Staring at her daughter in confusion on how she would have learned to equate the phone with Grandma it took a moment to catch on.

Declining the call from an unknown number Emily sat in contemplation for a moment until angry hands slapped at the empty tray of the high chair. Throwing another handful of veggies and grilled chicken out for her to eat Emily wondered if she should do anything about it. On one hand she wanted Caleigh to have a relationship with her grandmother, on the other she didn't like the idea of Elizabeth going behind her back.

With a sigh she quickly composed a message and sent it to Elizabeth not expecting any kind of response.

 **I know you facetime when I'm not around, I would never have stopped you from talking to Caleigh. You don't need to sneak around behind my back.**

Dropping the phone into her pocket she smiled at Caleigh and told her Grandma would be calling soon.

Elizabeth didn't call that night but Emily woke up early the next morning to a response.

 **Noted**

It wasn't much but Emily took it as a good sign.

Much to her relief Caleigh was finally cruising along the furniture, pulling herself up and making her way around the condo with speed and confidence. Sudden turns still caused her to drop and throw up but the toddler was learning to control her body enough to keep upright.

Emily was grateful she'd actually been home to witness it and as she held back happy tears lifted her phone and recorded the milestone and sent it out to everyone… including her mother.

Christmas day is quiet and relaxed, Elizabeth had shipped a number of gifts for all three of them and in the days leading up to Christmas Caleigh had kept Emily and Joy on their feet trying to keep her from tearing the shiny paper off the packages and pull the low hanging decorations off the tree.

Emily loved it.

Introducing Caleigh to snow was an afternoon of abject joy in Accotink Park. Standing in a large open area as the tiny flakes floated down onto them. Caleigh blinked in surprise as they landed gently on her eyelashes and stuck there.

Emily reveled in Caleigh's innocent joy.

It had been so long since anything held any innocence for her, some days it felt like every good experience had been stained but as she showed the world to Caleigh it seemed as though the slate was wiping clean.

She hated the mandatory psych sessions Hotch had ordered for her and Emily knew that lying her way through them wasn't necessarily the best idea she had but there was something about the way the FBI psychologist spoke to her that set her on edge. When he spoke about her experiences and Caleigh it felt belittling and judgemental. So she lied.

That was all well and good until a completely unexpected conversation with Reid in a coffee shop in San Francisco. The words didn't hit her until later and it took a long time for her to puzzle over them.

' _I figured I'd be a bored socialite by 25'_

At 18 that thought had terrified her. Family members, not including her mother, were delighted she was heading to Yale as it was a place to pick up a perfectly acceptable husband.

She'd spent her entire life exposed to boys who were deemed perfectly acceptable and they made her stomach turn. The boy who got her pregnant at 15 was from a perfectly acceptable family and was perfectly acceptable husband material.

18 year old Emily ignored them with her mothers blessing… well she assumed it was with Elizabeth's blessing as she remained silent on the subject.

She met plenty of perfectly nice boys from perfectly nice families during college and grad school and Emily never let it go beyond friendship or casual sex. She was approached by the CIA during her senior year, they encouraged her to finish her degree and her masters before going to The Farm for training. Her recruiter hadn't interfered with her education at all. Only offering advice when directly asked.

Emily graduated without a husband and not wanting to deal with the drama of her being single had avoided most of those family members ever since. While she and Elizabeth still weren't speaking they'd exchanged a number of texts, all centered around Caleigh, but this was something she needed an answer to.

When she got home after celebrating Reid's birthday and got herself and Caleigh through their dinner, bath and bed routine she curled up in bed and sent a text with the question she wasn't sure she wanted an answer to.

 **When I went to college everyone was talking about me finding the right man at Yale, except you? Why?**

Pulling out her laptop she sat and worked quietly for a few hours to the sound of Caleigh's quiet breathing. Emily had just switched the light out and was drifting off to sleep when her phone chimed with an incoming message.

 **I wanted you to forge your own path. As long as you were true to yourself I would have been happy with whatever you chose.**

She was contemplating her reply when the bubbles indicating Elizabeth was typing again appeared so she waited. It stopped and started and stopped again… 1 minute… then 2… then 5 the bubbles appeared and disappeared.

Emily wondered how many times she had started typing, deleted and the started over again. Probably just as many times as Emily had when she was composing the first message.

 **I know I've questioned you in the past about what you were doing, it was always to reassure myself you were happy with where you were and never because I disapproved of your choices.**

Emily didn't know how to respond to that so she didn't.

It was only days later when Hotch finally called her out on the lies. Sitting in the privacy of the jet she tried to play it off but it was just another straw added.

' _Has no problem tackling difficult goals'_

Getting up some mornings was a difficult goal.

' _Reached out to her mother'_

Both of them were reaching out and pulling back as though burnt.

' _Lie to your therapist'_

Yep

' _Overcompensating'_

Guilty

' _Avoid dealing with what you went through'_

Definitely

' _It's clean'_

The cleanest cesspool she had ever waded through

' _Screwing someone to make a case'_

Emily hadn't meant for it to come out of her mouth in quite that way, she had never meant for Hotch to hear those words and the emotions that went with them. When he asked for her promise to come to him when she had a bad day she thought it was the easiest lie she ever told.

She was past the bad days, she was fine, she had her life, her job and her daughter. All things that 12 months before she expected to be ripped away from her. How could she have bad days with Caleigh and friends like her team. So what if she and her mother couldn't quite reconnect yet, who cares that she hadn't dated since getting pregnant or couldn't find an acceptable place to live.

Then she met Regina Lampert.

When they'd disembarked in Houston she never expected to have to pull her gun on a rape victim. Standing there, looking into her manic eyes… lying to her.

"We ran the rape kit Regina. The fingerprints the police got off your glasses, do you remember? We compared it to Hamiltons. It didn't match."

Regina's gut wrenching realisation "That's impossible, that's him… that's him."

Another lie, Emily's life was overflowing with them "If you pull that trigger, you're gonna kill an innocent man."

Regina's accusation against her… _you're the system that revictimises…_ a sleepless night studying hands that didn't deserve to hold Caleigh. Hand's that maimed and killed, hands that cuffed a victim instead of comforting.

Because she didn't sleep she was the first on the plane, before anyone else was even up.

After her admission to Hotch he nodded and helped her hide from the rest of the team. Not an easy task given the size of the jet, neither of them are trying to hide that something is wrong and the concerned looks being shot her way are hard to ignore.

She manages it by keeping her head down to focus on the case report which Emily manages to finish in record time. When they land she follows Hotch up into his office and curls up on the couch to stare out the window, struggling to verbalise what hit her so hard.

"Do you ever look at your hands and want them nowhere near your child?" after close to 20 minutes where the only sound is that of Hotch's pen moving across paper she finally speaks.

"All the time…" He places his pen precisely in line with the paper and looks up to give her his attention. "The months after Haley's death were the hardest. The same hands that took Jack's temperature, tickled him, soothed him after a nightmare beat his mother's killer to death… how is that ok?"

Emily nods along with him, hearing but not really comprehending.

"I had to handcuff a rape victim, how is that ok?" she finally asked.

"It's not… but that's the job" how many times had Hotch said that to who knows how many different people.

* * *

She starts to wonder if the universe is trying to send a message to her. The wound from Trevor Mill's gun shot is akin to a furrow and despite her words to Morgan she's scared.

This is the job, sure she'll need to carry Caleigh with her right arm for a while but at the end of the day there's no permanent damage and she's going home which is more than can be said for the families torn apart by Trevor's grief and Preston's hateful rhetoric.

Hours later when the reports are filed Emily makes her way down to the daycare. Swiping her access card she slips in and makes her way to the toddlers room where Caleigh has carved out quite a happy place for herself. Glancing around the room she finds Caleigh standing against a low couch using it to balance herself. She watches as Caleigh laughs at something and slowly turns around until their eyes meet. The 18 month old's eyes light up and without hesitation she lets go of the couch and lurches towards Emily.

One step… then two… then five and she falls into Emily's waiting arms who had crouched down eyes alight with glee. Behind her Morgan had whipped out his phone and recorded the event and the final few seconds of the video showed Emily lying on her back uncaring of the stitches in her arm, Caleigh on top of her both of them giggling like crazy.

Those five steps seemed to have broken the dam so to speak. After that Emily is hard pressed to keep up with Caleigh, there are still spills and vomits but the little girl is now demanding to walk everywhere.

When she looks back years later Emily realises that the final straw came earlier that she realised.

Chasing Maggie Hallman all over Seattle as she searches for her baby and it's father comes on the first anniversary of Emily's 'death'. She has vague memories of those first days in hospital when all she wanted was Caleigh. The true impact of Hotch's decision didn't hit until after JJ placed Caleigh in her arms again so she understood that part of Maggie that the others couldn't. Emily can't imagine what she would have done if they'd been forcefully separated.

Hotch might get it to a point, Jack had been sent away for his own safety but he was with his mother.

To be told that your baby who was wanted and loved was being cared for and raised by strangers against your will. She would have torn apart the world in search of Caleigh.

So she can understand why Maggie had a psychotic break.

Instead of listening to that part of her gut that was saying 'get out now' she upped her search for a place to live.

Weeks later she took Caleigh with her to look at a row house on Dupont Circle, it was beautiful, had everything they needed and was everything she thought she wanted.

Giving in to imagined pressure Emily put a bid in on the house. It was a low bid, and a part of her she wouldn't admit to anyone else did it on purpose because as much as she loved the house and it was perfect for them she didn't want it.

She didn't know what she really wanted, but DC and the BAU didn't seem to fit anymore. Like a shirt that used to fit perfectly but was now loose in the chest and tight in the belly.

It was a beautiful May morning when Morgan agreed to go with her and double check the house before they exchanged contracts.

Suddenly there were so many things wrong with it… did she really want Caleigh having to negotiate the stairs with her balance issues. The hour plus drive to Quantico and back was suddenly too long, there wasn't enough parking...

Emily sighed and hoisted a sleeping Caleigh higher on her hip "There are cracks in the foundation…"

Morgan threw her a puzzled look "Cracks can be fixed."

"No…" she looked away knowing exactly why her heart had dropped out of this but was unwilling to say it straight out "they can only be hidden"

They'd been home for 9 months now and something still felt off… if pushed she would deny it but a part of her didn't overly care anymore. Caleigh, Joy, the team… they were all that mattered… her mother was still avoiding her, skyping with Caleigh when Emily wasn't there. The tenuous peace they'd painstakingly built during Emily's pregnancy and maternity leave shattered and neither knew where or how to start rebuilding.

JJ was the only one that saw her cry when she had to say goodnight to Caleigh over skype instead of in person.

9 months of pretending she was ok… pretending she hadn't changed in those months of isolation. Pretending she could still relate to people… she could barely relate to the team anymore let alone strangers.

Derek didn't get it… his demons were different, no less haunting but different. It was like a part of her had seeped out with her blood on the cold warehouse floor but she didn't know which part.

She had all of important titles back… mother, agent, friend, daughter… so what was missing?

"I think I needed to come back for closure" she admits quietly "but this isn't where I'm supposed to be right now."

Studying her quietly Morgan rolled her admission over in his head "Where are you supposed to be?"

"I have no idea…"

Their phones beep within seconds of each other… bank robbery in progress.

Joy agrees to meet Emily as soon as she can and they arrive on scene at the same time. Emily kisses the toddler goodbye, hands her over and runs towards the response truck where the rest of the team is waiting along with Will La Montagne.

She doesn't know the handover is caught in the background of a news update and seen all over the country.

 **END CHAPTER 14**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN:** Just a quick response to a reviewer who pointed out that Will moved to DC between seasons 3 and 4, I changed the JJ/Will story line on purpose. I made the decision to exclude JJ's pregnancy in season 3 as I felt that story line was too similar to the one I was writing for Emily. Met a cop on a case and started a relationship which resulted in an unexpected pregnancy?

* * *

 **CHAPTER 15**

 **May 2012**

Tense hours pass as they try to work out exactly who they're dealing with. Against all of their advise Will hands himself over to the un-subs and in a last ditch effort to capture them they get ready to enter the bank.

The day goes from bad to worse and Clyde's offer shouldn't feel like a lifeline but it does.

"Would a 24/7 childcare centre on site and limited travel be enough to turn your head?" Clyde asked knowing this could clinch the deal for her.

There was momentary silence on the other end of the line as Emily took in what he was saying.

"Get me that information and we'll talk." she hangs up the phone and stares at is before turning back to JJ and Reid.

* * *

Emily isn't quite sure what happens, there's a flash of light and a deep rumble before she's grabbed from behind and pulled through a doorway and to safety.

At least she thought it was safety until the unmistakable feel of a gun being pushing into the base of her skull causes her to freeze and a second hand snatches her glock off her. Without being told she lifted her hands so her fingers rested near her ears. Once she was still the hand came back and yanked her cuffs and badge from the back of her belt.

"Turn around slowly."

Keeping her hands raised and fingers splayed Emily spun to face the woman who they only knew as the Queen of Hearts.

"Hand's out in front and any funny business that idiot detective gets a bullet in the brain."

The woman quickly cuffs Emily's hands in front of her and pushes her down a dark passageway that Emily had no idea existed. 10 minutes later a dot of light appeared and soon an open doorway came into view which lead to an alleyway. Inside the alley sat what could only be a Bureau SUV with Will in the driver's seat.

"William." She spat hoping he played along.

"Agent Prentiss." he nodded curtly.

"You two know each other?" the woman looked between them curiously.

"My best friends useless boyfriend." Emily confirmed nodding at Will… they would laugh about this one day wouldn't they?

"Don't you mean girlfriends whiny bitch of a best friend?" Will snorted.

"Whiny? Me?" Emily nearly screeched, she was buying Will a case of his favourite beer for that "What about you? Oh Jenny… don't you love me… I have man flu… please stop hunting down a serial killer dismembering teenage boys to look after me." Emily put on a bad Louisiana accent and could see Will fighting back a genuine smile.

"Wow… you two need therapy…" the woman commented at the escalating bickering while going through Emily's wallet until she found what she was looking for. Without hesitating she clubbed Emily in the back of the head, dug in her pocket for the keys and cuffed the unconscious woman to a pipe before sliding into the passenger seat.

"Drive…" she commanded.

* * *

When Emily came around 20 minutes later the alley was empty, her glock scattered in pieces and her badge was lying a few feet away.

Sitting up and breathing through the dizziness she took a moment to take stock of her body and except for the lump in the back of her head everything seemed to be ok.

Twisting awkwardly she attempted to reach into her pocket for the keys to the cuffs only to find her keys missing, with a frustrated huff she slumped back against the cold brick.

* * *

In New York Malcolm Cooper does a double take as a woman whose funeral he attended the year before is shown in the background of a news clip passing her toddler to another woman and running for the first response van while strapping herself into an FBI bullet proof vest.

* * *

Emily isn't entirely sure how much time has passed since the explosion when Morgan and JJ burst out of the tunnel from the bank.

"Will's alive" she reassured JJ as Morgan used his keys to release her "they're in what looks like a bureau SUV. No idea which way they headed…" Emily flicked through her badge wallet "Oh shit…"

"What?" JJ turned towards her.

"My license is missing… she knows where I live." Emily intoned starting to panic "I need to call Joy." she looked around wildly for her cell phone which they found scattered in smashed pieces.

"Here…" JJ handed hers over the number already calling.

"Come on Joy" Emily muttered "Come on… pick up." she counted the rings, she knew Joy's phone would ring six times before going through to voicemail.

She answered on the fifth.

"JJ… is Emily ok?" Emily could hear the fear in the younger woman's voice.

"I'm fine… the unsub got my wallet and took my licence… where are you?" Emily rambled out quickly hoping they were anywhere but home.

"We're at Potomac Mill's… I needed new shoes and decided to have lunch out." she whispered.

"Prentiss…" Morgan called "Hotch is sending Dave to meet them and take them somewhere safe."

"Joy did you hear that? Dave is going to come and get you guys, find somewhere public and open and text only him your location. My phone is damaged so call Dave or Hotch if something happens. Do you understand?"

"I understand…" Joy stuttered "Emily, stay safe. I'll give Caleigh a hug and a kiss from you."

"Thank you…" Emily hung up the phone and gave it back to JJ. "Now we find Will."

* * *

Clyde came through for them and repeated his earlier offer. Emily promised to call him the following day.

"I've got Will" Emily called through her com "He's not mobile" she confirmed to Hotch over the radio.

"We should go on the road… the whiny useless bitches" Emily snarked as she skidded to her knees by Will's side.

"Caleigh and Joy?" he asked.

"Safe in Quantico." she confirmed as she looked over the bomb attached to him.

"I don't think they anticipated no one being home… she's waiting at your place for them." he huffed as Emily managed to get the cover off the wiring and keypad.

"We know… JJ and Dave are tracking her down right now…" her eyes widened as she saw the countdown at less than a minute.

"Emily… just get everyone out of here…"

"I'm not gonna leave you." she huffed and leaned back on her haunches "Just give me a minute…"

"Just about all you got." Will really didn't like Emily still being here with him.

"Ok, everything they did and said was about them… Narcissists… Romantics… They met in 2008." she pushed the numbers and nothing happened.

"Oh, what are you doing? Seriously, Emily, go… Go home to Caleigh." he didn't want her to die for him.

"Ok, hold on." there was too much going on, too many competing distractions she needed to focus and get Will home to JJ and herself home to Caleigh.

"The storytelling's in the details, those wires mean something." she touched them lightly.

"Like what?" his fear came out as frustration but Emily ignored it.

"The colors of the flag of Chad. Red, yellow, and blue. Only one is different from the U.S. flag-yellow. What do you think?" she wasn't really asking him, just thinking out loud this was their last chance…

She cut the yellow wire and the timer stops.

"Ohh! How did you do that?"

"I didn't overthink it." Emily drops to the ground next to him all her energy sapped. She wonders if JJ would kill her if she lay down and used Will's thigh as a pillow for a few minutes until her third wind kicked in.

* * *

Emily flicks through her wardrobe absently looking for something to wear that night and nothing seems to jump out at her. Giving up she decides to just head out to Tyson's Galleria and buy herself a new dress, moving over to Caleigh's clothes the finds the same situation. They both have some perfectly nice clothes but none of them scream JJ's wedding to her so she packs Caleigh and Joy into the car and buys all three of them new outfits.

Joy isn't attending the wedding but Emily doesn't care. There's nothing like a bit of retail therapy after the weekend she's had so far.

Not normally one for floral's she falls in love with the peony print ruched dress at first sight. It hugs her figure perfectly and the colours are bold enough that the flesh base doesn't wash her out. Someone must be smiling down on her as she easily finds matching shoes and a wrap.

She's really surprised when 20 minutes later in the children's section of Macys she finds Caleigh a dress that matches the small amounts of pale green shot through her own and ends up buying two just in case.

Joy get's her new shoes and Emily spies her eyeing off a pretty summer dress and nags her into trying it along with a whole bunch of other clothes on. Despite the younger woman's protests that she couldn't afford it Emily waved her off.

"I'm sore, stressed and one of my best friends is getting married tonight… a shopping spree is my current coping mechanism."

When they get home she bites the bullet and calls Clyde.

The job offer is simple, run the criminal investigations division of the London Gateway office. She has the investigative experience and language skills add that to the teaching experience from her time in the BAU she has everything but the administrative knowledge they need and that's easy to learn.

The two big bonus' are the child care centre for Caleigh and minimal field work. There will be a lot of day trips and she'll be running back end for their investigations but very few instances where she'll be gone days at a time. Emily isn't sure if she'll ever be able to describe the relief that shoots through her at hearing that… the entire offer feels like a lifeline.

They both know that her request for 48 hours to make a decision is made for forms sake and the next time they talk she'll be accepting the job. He emails her the full details, position description and pay while they're on the phone and when they hang up she stares at the official offer and much like applying for the BAU 6 years before it feels right. Emily knows this is the exact move she needs to make.

Glancing at the clock Emily realises just how fast the day has gone and knowing she needs to save a little time takes Caleigh into the shower with her.

Once they're both clean she wraps herself in her fluffy robe and half dresses Caleigh in a diaper and singlet before handing her over to Joy while she finished getting ready.

The party dress will not be going on the toddler until they're already at Rossi's. By the time her hair is done Joy has Caleigh dressed in a cheap t-shirt and pair of pants that Emily doesn't care if they get puked on during the ride over.

She's the first of the team to arrive, and quickly cleans up and changes Caleigh and before anything can go wrong the photographer snaps a handful of photos of the two of them together.

Derek's comment of missing her already nearly undoes her.

Speaking with Hotch she realises he already knows what their conversation will be and is under the impression that he'll be able to change her mind. He believes there's something he can say to make her stay but she knows that staying would be dishonest. Not just to herself but to Caleigh and her team.

JJ looks absolutely stunning and Will is standing there completely speechless when he sees her and Emily is so glad she's there to see it. Not that she would miss this for the world, if she'd already been in London and got the phone call from Rossi she and Caleigh would have been on the first flight possible.

Watching JJ and Will exchange their wedding vows Emily makes her own silent vow to the team. Not matter what, if the team needs her she'll come running.

Just because this isn't her place anymore it doesn't make the people any less precious.

Emily is on the dance floor with Dave murmuring quietly as he somehow manages to just know.

"I get it." he reassures her "Sometimes the only way to keep going is a fresh start."

"Thank you… for understanding and accepting." she presses a gentle kiss to his cheek "I came back for closure and healing and now it's time to move on."

Dave opens his mouth to respond when they are interrupted by an angry screech. Spinning to look for her daughter Emily finds Caleigh by the dessert table with Reid screaming furiously at the baffled younger man.

"Excuse me…" she quickly makes her way over "Let me guess… she tried to help herself and you said no?" she asks Reid.

"She tried to take some pie but it has cream so I asked one of the staff about the ingredients, I didn't want to give her something with dairy. They're checking now for us but Caleigh doesn't seem to want to wait."

"Yeah, patience isn't her strong suit." Emily confirms "We're working on that along with her temper."

Joy reported that Elizabeth had snorted with laughter when Caleigh started to throw tantrums several weeks before.

Lifting her daughter up she plopped the angry toddler in the tiny chair Rossi had purchased for when she visited and crouched down to eye level.

"Spencer said to wait and now Mommy is telling you to wait." Emily is firm but Caleigh doesn't care.

"NO!" even without volume to get her point across Emily could read Caleigh's body language and knew the toddler was furious and wouldn't be calming down just yet.

"You need to be patient. Mommy won't let you have any if you don't wait nicely." Hotch and Strauss are both smirking at her knowingly while the rest of the team looks completely out of their depths. Emily grimaces up at Reid "We're also learning that we don't always get what we want when we want it."

A tiny hand reached out and smacked Emily's in anger, seeing this Hotch snorted in amusement.

"No hitting." Emily picked up the chair Caleigh and all and turned it away from the dance floor so Caleigh couldn't see anything but her. "Mommy said Caleigh gets a time out when she hits. 2 minutes in the chair."

The toddlers breath sped up in anger and Emily could see the cogs turning. Logical reasoning was not part of a toddler's makeup and Emily was well aware of this but Caleigh needed to learn that Mom ruled her world and that was that.

"She's started to hit me and Joy if we don't use sign in front of her." Emily murmured to Spencer as she stood and stepped to the side just in time for Caleigh to throw herself out of the chair with a raging scream "She's also under the incorrect belief that I'll give in to her." she picked Caleigh up and placed her back in the chair.

"Does she even know how long 2 minutes is?" Spencer asked, curious about the behavioural milestone he was witnessing.

"Nope" Emily grins unrepentantly "She's staying in that chair for as long as I need her to."

Just then one of the catering staff approached Spencer.

"All the ice-cream and the cake is dairy free at Mr Rossi's request, he said there's a child with a severe allergy?"

"Thank you and yes…" Emily smiled gratefully "but said child is currently throwing a tantrum so I'll be having two." she takes the cake and ice-cream and starts to eat it in full view of Caleigh who's anger ratchets up another notch.

"I'm not sure if eating what the child wants in front of her is a valid temper tantrum management tool." Reid comments curious to see how long Caleigh will hold out for.

"Don't care" Emily shrugs as she takes another bite "It's past her bedtime and she's overstimulated which is exacerbating everything and why I turned her away from the party. She'll start calming down when I'm about halfway through and then I'll grab a second bowl for us to share. 10 minutes later she'll pass out in my lap."

As predicted when Emily is taking her 3rd bite of cake Caleigh's screaming drops down several decibels to an unhappy whine and two bites later she's silent except for the occasional sniffle. When Emily's cleaned out the bowl she hands it to Reid and crouches down in front of a much calmer Caleigh and wipes her face with a serviette before holding it to the toddlers nose who obediently blows.

"Now, is there something you want?" Emily asks gently and receives a nod. "What would you like?"

"Cake" is the firm response and Emily wonders if she's created a little monster… Caleigh loves chocolate cake as much as she does.

"Ok, we're going to walk nicely over to the table and ask for a piece of cake. Then Mommy and Caleigh will sit quietly and share."

Caleigh nods and holds her arms up and is promptly lifted into Emily's arms where she snuggles in and lays her head on Emily's shoulder with a sigh.

When they reach the table Emily makes Caleigh watch as she politely asks for a piece of cake and the goes to a quiet corner where she settles her exhausted daughter on her lap and they share the piece of cake. Through it all Caleigh's body leans heavier and heavier into Emily's and a few minutes after the bowl is empty she's asleep.

Minutes later Dave appears with the stroller she'd brought just in case and Caleigh doesn't stir during the transfer and remains asleep as he pulls Emily back out onto the dance floor and spins her into Reid's arms with a laugh.

* * *

Emily is the second person to arrive that Monday morning. Reid and Rossi won't be to far behind her, Morgan and Garcia partied pretty hard the night before and will slip in at the last second. Taking a deep breath she makes her way up to Hotch's office and knocks lightly on the door.

"Come in." he looks at Emily sadly, her demeanor from the night before as they danced together forefront in his mind.

It felt like she was saying goodbye.

Settling in one of the visitors chairs she stares at him for a moment and he's struck by how much more settled she seems. Like whatever decision she's come to since Saturday feels so incredibly right that he's looking at the Emily from 18 months before.

"Clyde offered me a job in London and I'm going to accept it." she jumps right in without hesitation.

Her decision is made and he won't be able to change her mind.

"That's it?" he asks, as always Emily has the ability to surprise him "There's nothing I can do or say to get you to change your mind?"

"Hotch…" she pauses to gather her words "Do you remember the day you agreed to trial me in the unit?"

"Yes, I just wanted to finish my paperwork and get home and there you were, calm and confident in your knowledge and that you belonged here."

"You said _'profiling is a specialty, we can't just let anyone who shows an interest give it a whirl.'_ I fought you, I fought for my spot on this team."

"Yes you did, and you were very convincing… despite your questionable sense of humour you belong here." he pushed back.

"Yes I did, I believed it and I fought for it… but If I had to fight for the BAU right now I wouldn't… I couldn't because I need something different. This life doesn't fit anymore and as much as I love the team I can't do this work anymore. If I stay then the job will destroy me, like Gideon..."

He finally understands and once again her self awareness astounds him.

"You will be missed" his voice is rough "and as long as I'm unit chief you'll have a place here" he promises.

"Be careful what you promise" she smirked "I'm taking a job equal to yours"

* * *

Emily was exhausted… between the events of Saturday, the wedding Sunday night, Caleigh ramping up to the terrible twos and the awful conversation with Hotch that morning her body and mind were ready to shut down for a while.

It couldn't, there was one more conversation she had to have.

"Joy…?" Emily tapped lightly on the bedroom door hoping the younger woman was still awake.

"Hey, you got a case?" Joy asked as she opened the door.

"No, but we do need to talk." Emily sat in the lazy boy while Joy sat on her bed, leaning against the wall.

Emily chewed on her lip for a moment before taking a deep breath and pushing forward.

"I've been offered a new job…" Joy had already been through so much for them, she didn't know how to continue.

"Where are we moving and when?" Joy didn't hesitate… after the events with Ian Doyle she'd follow Emily and Caleigh anywhere.

"London and soon… why…?" Emily tried to work out the question she wanted to ask, swallowing deeply she tried again "Just like that? Where and when?"

Unable to meet Emily's curious gaze Joy wasn't sure how to explain it "Where else would I go?" she asked "The months before Doyle were some of the happiest of my life and the time with your Mom in Tunis was strange because I was grieving for you and missing Caleigh while getting to experience something that I'd always thought was beyond me. The day your mom sat me down and explained everything I was so confused, she helped me pack my bags and put me on a plane home and there you two were sitting at the gate in Gatwick somehow on the same flight to DC as me… I don't want to lose my family again. So we're moving to London… do you think I could get a job there?"

"I'll make sure you can." Emily pulled her into a hug wondering what she did to find such an amazing friend.

An hour later she send's Clyde an email accepting the job and requesting help getting Joy a working visa.

 **END CHAPTER 15**


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

 **May 2012**

They make the official announcement about Emily's departure once they get the sign off for her transfer to JTTF and loan to Interpol.

Her final day at the BAU is set for the 31st of May and she'll be flying out on the 1st of June.

Interpol is pushing for a quick handover, they want Emily in place and up to speed before the Olympics starts which leaves them very little time. Dave ends up declaring an open house on Memorial Day after convincing Emily that it will be the easiest way to get out of the big farewell party Garcia wants to throw.

If the weather is nice they can swim, BBQ and relax. Mother nature delivers and they are treated to a perfect May day. Warm and sunny without being too hot or humid.

Since returning from her sabbatical Erin Strauss has been downright pleasant and at one point during the day she and Emily are sitting by the pool chatting amiably while her eldest daughter is in the water with Caleigh clinging to her unsure of this giant bath.

Deciding this was too scary for her Caleigh starts crying until Emily joins them in the pool and settles in the safety of her mother's arms.

Emily doesn't notice Morgan's shock when Caleigh pulls on Emily's swimsuit to reveal the brand she hasn't been able fully get rid of yet. He recognises the scarred outline immediately but doesn't comment.

It's neither the time nor the place for that conversation.

The Thursday is a bittersweet day, the team all acknowledges that this is a good move for her. It's a promotion and it means more time with Caleigh. It doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye.

* * *

Emily didn't tell anyone she wasn't going straight to London and she would never admit to being scared… nervous maybe. She hadn't seen her mother in person for 16 months and all their conversations during that time had been either via text or through Joy and Emily was sick of it. She'd apologised, Elizabeth had claimed to have forgiven her and they both just sort of waited for the other to take a step. When Emily was ready Elizabeth wasn't and when Elizabeth was willing Emily wasn't so they were stuck.

Clyde had given her two weeks between leaving the BAU and starting at Interpol and she was using it to build a bridge. If this went badly then she could use the time to get settled in their new place and if it went well then it gave the three of them some quality time together. Which is why she was sitting in her mother's outer office of the Embassy in Tunis with Caleigh at her feet waiting for Elizabeth to be available.

"Agent Prentiss, are you sure you don't want me to let the Ambassador know you're here?" the secretary asked. The poor woman was torn, on one hand the Ambassador might be upset that her daughter and granddaughter were left out here waiting, on the other Agent Prentiss was adamant that her mother not be disturbed.

"We're fine" Emily assured her "Mother hasn't seen Caleigh since she was assigned here and I want her to be surprised"

Chewing on her lip Mary decided it was better for the daughter to be angry at her as she had to work for the Ambassador every day. Pulling up her email she opened a new message and sent an email with only the subject line filled out.

 **There's a VIP here to visit Grandma.**

Meanwhile Emily had joined Caleigh on the floor and the two of them were working on a puzzle. Less than two minutes later the office door opened and Elizabeth stood there dumbfounded at the fact that Emily was here with Caleigh by choice.

Seeing her mother Emily smiled weakly.

"There's Grandma!" she told Caleigh and pointed at Elizabeth. The 22 month old perked up immediately and pushed herself to unsteady feet and tripped her way into Elizabeth's arms.

* * *

They managed to ignore the elephant in the room for nearly 48 hours. Elizabeth had quickly organised for one of the guest rooms to be made up in the residence for them and cancelled all her commitments for the rest of the day.

There were several meetings she was unable to change on their second day, unfazed by the inflexibility of her mother's schedule Emily shrugged and spent the day exploring the embassy. The second day Emily took Caleigh down to Bardo National Museum where they explored the Roman mosaics and the history of Tunis. That night after Caleigh was in bed they sat starting at each other over the dining table in uncomfortable silence.

"Ask your questions… I'll answer them if I can." Emily was the first to speak.

"If I have clearance don't you mean!" Elizabeth snapped before wilting back into her chair "I apologise, that's not helpful."

"But it's honest" Emily commented "I'm… I did good work with the agency. I was a damn good undercover agent…"

"For 10 years you claimed to be working in linguistics… why the lie?" Elizabeth finally asked the only question she really wanted an answer to.

"At first it was because every single thing I did was classified. Need to know only and I didn't know what kind of clearance you had… I knew you would understand classified but not why I was doing it." Emily's voice dropped to nearly a whisper.

"You're right, I don't understand why you would want to do that work." Elizabeth acknowledged.

"Honestly?" Emily asked and received a not in return "I didn't choose undercover. I was recruited as a linguist and assigned to Lyon. I never lied about that, my first undercover assignment was supposed to be a few days, posing as a low level drug runner working the Texas side of the US/Mexican border. They were desperate and I had the age, looks and language skills they needed." Taking a deep breath she forged ahead.

"It was human trafficking we were really looking into and the drugs we're a possible way in. They didn't expect to get anything solid which is why they were willing to use someone untested… all of us were surprised when I talked my way into the good graces of their local number 2. I ended up playing Rose for 10 months and found my way to Juan Garcia Abrego… it was my intel that led to his arrest." Elizabeth's breath hitched as she recognised the name of a notorious drug cartel member.

"After that I was sent back to the Farm for training in undercover ops... " she trailed off as she got lost in her memories.

"Do you remember Christmas 99…?" Emily finally spoke again nearly a full minute later.

"You stopped by the embassy unexpectedly. Said you had a few days spare… you just ghosted through like you weren't quite there and then I woke up on boxing day to a note saying you'd been recalled and I didn't see you again until November 02."

"I'd just come off a really bad op… there was a leak in the DGSE*. I was set up as a rogue Interpol Officer to try and flush them out. You'd been sent a security notice because of the international implications. I remember seeing your name on the distribution list…"

"It was completely redacted." Elizabeth recalled "I asked if you'd heard anything about it and I said…" she paused as she remembered her words over dinner on Christmas night "it must take someone truly disturbed to be willing to do that type of operation… that's why you left?"

"Yeah… I couldn't… let you see… I went straight back into another Op which ended up messier than the DGSE one and then joined JTF-12 hoping it would get me out of undercover work..."

"Which led to the Doyle assignment…"

"Which gave me the clout I needed to get myself out and into the BAU. It was done and in the past… my Bureau background was solid and there was no reason for anyone to question it, even you. I was free and clear to live my life as me" Elizabeth finally understood that decade of uncomfortable phone calls and the occasional dinner where Emily was there but not.

"Until Ian Doyle escaped?"

"Even then he should have never been able to find me…" Emily bit her lip "My international work was scrubbed and I was in a good place… I was happy. Undercover never made me happy, it was fulfilling in it's own way and I was good at it but I was never truly happy… I thought I was free and clear but Jeremy got greedy…"

"You were sold out" Elizabeth murmured not having known this.

"Yeah… I considered Jeremy a friend and he sold us all out. Doyle would have never found us if Jeremy hadn't given up our names. In fact Doyle didn't even find Jeremy, Jeremy went looking for him and told Doyle he would give him the teams names and locations for a price and his and Tsia's lives. Doyle killed him a week later after getting confirmation the list was accurate."

"Did Jeremy know you'd had Caleigh?" Elizabeth was scared of the answer.

Emily could only bite her lip and nod.

* * *

The next week and a half flew by in a whirlwind of site seeing and rebuilding.

Elizabeth would take Caleigh down to the office with her and show her off to all the staff while Emily started to catch up on some of the current cases her team at Interpol was running.

The biggest challenge was changing her thinking from an Agent's perspective to a bosses. Hotch had warned her to leave the details to her staff, until she got a handle on the big picture. From everything she'd read her inspectors were experienced and good at their jobs but she was the perfect example of a work history being faked. Until she had a chance to get to know them in person she would need to consciously not form any opinions… that included telling Clyde to shut up when necessary.

They had 3 criminal investigative teams working out of the London Gateway office. Each had a senior Detective who would report directly to her and each of those teams had another four junior investigators, with different specialties plus a team medic, analyst and administrator.

Reading through their current cases Emily decided her first order of business would be to shadow each of her seniors for a couple of days. Get a feel for how they worked and who they were and then work her way down the ranks.

Leading was a whole different ball game to following.

* * *

The DC condo was almost completely packed and Clyde had organised a 3 bed flat for them to move into and had agreed to give Emily some additional time before she started work.

A week after her last day at the BAU Emily and Caleigh got on a flight to London, Joy would be following at the end of the school year.

Two days after Emily and Caleigh left there was a knock on condo door.

"Emily Prentiss?" the man standing there asked.

"No, she's moved." Joy was wary about giving out too much information.

"Where to? I have a summons for her." he was polite but firm.

"Good luck getting it to her" Joy snorted "she's moved to England."

"Right, thanks…" Joy watched him walked down the hall and then closed and locked the front door before picking up her phone and texting Emily to let her know what had happened.

* * *

"Do any of your staff know sign language" Emily watches Caleigh take a few halting steps towards the dress up box before dropping to her hands and knees to crawl the rest of the way. When she finally gets there she pulls out a tinkerbell costume with delighted eyes.

"Two of us are fluent, everyone else knows some basic signs. Don't be surprised if the other kids pick up on sign language faster than us." the director assures her.

"And you've got her medical records? She can't have anything milk based, soy is fine." Emily sighed, she loved her daughter but the food allergy was a bitch to manage. "We're hoping she starts to grow out of it soon but the last allergen testing showed no reaction change. Let me be clear, the last time she ingested a cow's milk based product Caleigh went into anaphylactic shock and was on a ventilator for 20 hours. The medic alert bracelet is under no circumstances to be removed and I will provide appropriate food for her. If there is going to be a celebration or birthday of some kind let me know ahead of time and I can bring cake and some party snacks for her to have so she's not left out."

"We've got her records and Director Easter came down and lectured us on how critical it was for you to be comfortable leaving Caleigh with us."

Emily nodded, making a mental note to send Clyde flowers, blowing her breath out as she went over the checklist in her head.

"Last question… what's your stance on service dogs? I've been doing some research and might be getting one for Caleigh, get it trained to alert her if someone is trying to get her attention or if there's an alarm, or doorbell etcetera."

"As long as they're trained, certified and you provide us with their yearly vet check to confirm health and vaccinations no issue whatsoever."

Emily nodded, this would require further thought and a lot of research.

* * *

It took 8 weeks for the legal documents to catch up to Emily and when she opened them the contents surprised her.

Hotch had told her about the confrontation with Cooper at her funeral and they both thought that it would be the last of it.

He wanted a paternity test… the only reason she could think that he would be doing this is to either get visitation or custody.

Checking the time she quickly sent a text to Fiona asking for advice. She couldn't lie in court yet she didn't want him named as father. With things the way they stood this would put Caleigh in a Trans-Atlantic tug of war which was unacceptable.

The response was quick.

 **Give me a couple of hours and I'll get you the name of a good family lawyer in New York**

As promised when she got out of bed that morning Fiona had sent her the details along with confirmation that the lawyer was expecting her call. Calculating the time difference in her head Emily chose not to call them at midnight and instead sent an email in broad terms outlining the situation.

Her daughter would be two later that month, she'd chosen not to inform the father and now a man she knew was wanting the court to order a paternity test which she was against. More information would be given once they accepted the case and she was covered by attorney/client privilege.

She didn't have time for this. The Olympics had been a nightmare for her, Morgan and Garcia were still camping out on her fold out couch for another 3 days and Caleigh's birthday was less than a fortnight away.

Emily wondered what would happen if she sent a heavily worded email to the New York detective… something along the lines of ' **stop this or I will end you and they'll never find the body'.**

Too much? Emily could specifically remember a drunk JJ promising to help her hide a body if necessary. Garcia was banned from helping, while she wasn't the statistician Reid was Emily had long ago worked out that on average the tech analyst could keep a secret for 11 hours 17 minutes which was not quite long enough for her and JJ to dispose of any and all evidence of wrongdoing. If their calculations were right, in perfect conditions they needed 16 hours to take care of the disposal and set up alibis. If Rossi helped them they only needed 14 hours and adding in Reid increased it to 21 hours, Morgan didn't make a difference, Hotch cut their disposal time in half.

She and JJ had been really drunk that particular weekend. If she remembers correctly it was just after Garcia was shot, she and JJ had kicked Morgan out and declared a girls night. Garcia had gotten a little high off the painkillers and passed out so the two of them proceeded to raid her stash of Absinthe and things got really weird.

Closing her laptop Emily forced herself out of the bed she'd only just fallen into 4 hours earlier. Getting herself showered and dressed she then woke Caleigh and dressed the little girl for the day, before strapping her into the high chair and starting on breakfast for the two of them. On her way past the living area she snapped another photo of Morgan and Garcia spooning… it still amazed her that for all Morgan's bluff and bravado he was the little spoon in that relationship. Breakfast was nothing fancy, dry toast and a banana for Caleigh and granola for herself. She was pouring a second coffee when Garcia stumbled out of bed and wrapped herself around Emily.

"Coffee…" she whimpered which turned into a moan of delight when she slurped the first mouthful out of the full mug Emily pressed into her hands.

"Did you just coffegasm…?" Emily asked but then changed her mind with a shake of her head "nope… I don't want to know.

 **END CHAPTER 16**

DGSE - France's version of the CIA.


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17**

 **August 2012**

With the time difference it was close to 9 hours before the lawyer called her and agreed to take the case.

With attorney client privilege in place Emily fills her in on the whole story. Meeting Malcolm on a case, him turning up on her doorstep 5 months later claiming his wife had left him, her conscious decision not to profile him and believing the lie. 13 months of meeting when and where they could.

The car accident in Lockport and finding out she was pregnant. Arriving outside his apartment and seeing him kiss his wife… leaving and then making the conscious decision to raise the baby alone.

They spoke for a little over two hours Emily answering all the questions honestly before she had to go. With a less unpredictable schedule Emily had signed Caleigh up for swimming classes and barring a catastrophe would be able to take her every week. It was also part of a deal she'd made with herself, even if it meant going back to the office late in the evening, at 5pm she picks Caleigh up from daycare, has dinner with her and puts her to bed. Even though it's still 3 years away once Caleigh starts school the idea is for Joy to drop her off in the morning while Emily gets an early start in the office then Emily will pick her up for any activities and dinner before working from home for a couple of hours.

That afternoon was their first swimming lesson and as they exited the change rooms Caleigh clung to Emily and looked around apprehensive of this new place.

Meeting with the other parents and children Emily slid into the warm water grateful it only came up to her waist.

Listening carefully to the instructor when the class started Emily blew on Caleigh's face to get her to shut her eyes and then dunked the toddler under the water at approximately the same time as everyone else.

3 seconds later there was a cacophony of crying toddlers.

* * *

Elizabeth's immediate reaction up hearing about the court hearing was to ask how much money Emily needed to make this go away.

It was a bizarre but not a completely unexpected reaction.

Emily instructs her lawyer to meet with them without her and get a feel for how this will go and ends up with a packet of information that Cooper is using to back up his claim. A quick phone call to Hotch secures the records she needs and he promises to keep it private. As much as she loves and trusts the rest of the team Emily has kept this private for nearly 3 years. If it comes down to it she'll fill them in but she's not there yet.

She sits down and goes through Coopers evidence line by line. She can't refute everything but hopefully just enough to cast doubt on the claim.

It occurs to her how secretive she'd been about the whole thing. There is nothing in her life or records to support it… she'd essentially gone dark. At the time she hadn't even thought about her reasons for masking her travels and using an unregistered burn phone to communicate with him. She told herself it was to keep her private life private from the team but looking back… maybe she was distrustful of him.

There'd always been something lurking in the back of his eyes, a secretiveness that she hadn't questioned. Telling herself it was a part of being law enforcement… Cooper was a good guy and she could trust him. Consciously ignoring the flags the profiler part of her was sending up.

They both kept secrets… he didn't ask for hers and she didn't ask for his.

She was torn… regretting the relationship felt like regretting getting pregnant which meant she regretted Caleigh.

Being a single mom was hard but she could never regret Caleigh.

Caleigh was perfect.

* * *

At the bailiffs call Emily stood with the rest of the room refusing to look in Malcolm Coopers direction. She wanted to punch him and apologise to his wife who looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Cooper vs Prentiss, Order of Filiation request."

"The petitioner?" the judge asked.

"Detective Malcolm Cooper, he's claiming that he was in a relationship with Miss Prentiss at the time her daughter Caleigh was conceived. If he's the father he wants to know his daughter and is planning on seeking custody."

Emily's didn't let her distress at the announcement show but narrowed her eyes slightly as she caught the wife's shoulders hitching and her back stiffening.

"The Respondent?"

"Senior Detective Chief Superintendent Emily Prentiss, at least give the head of the Criminal Investigation Division at Interpol's London Gateway Office the courtesy of her title." her lawyer stood up "Chief Prentiss asserts that if what Detective Cooper claims is true she would not want her child to be claimed by a man who lied to her about being divorced and cheated on his wife. Detective Cooper also made no attempts to contact Chief Prentiss outside the courts, you would think if they'd had the relationship he is claiming it shouldn't be an issue to make a quick phone call and ask her."

The Judges eyes flickered between the two tables as he sized up the room, the titles was an interesting play, both members of law enforcement, she much more powerful than him. The mention of London, and her job title was a pointed reminder that this woman wasn't easily cowed. The language used by her lawyer made it clear that she would not voluntarily acknowledge the child's paternity. Looking at her lawyer the judge pushed on.

"What does the minor in question want?"

"Caleigh Prentiss had her 2nd birthday in August. She's never asked about her father, she's too young to question their presence or absence."

"Ok…" the Judge paused for a moment. "Detective Cooper, your evidence."

"I have here copies of email conversations throughout the time of the affair. I also have text messages between them confirming agreements to meet in hotels in Philadelphia."

The Judge raised his eyebrows as he perused the documents.

"None of these emails provide proof of an affair, a friendship yes. Sexual relationship no…" Mrs Cooper flinched as Emily scribbled behavioural observations on a legal pad. "The text messages definitely. Respondent"

"I have here an affidavit from the FBI's legal office confirming that the phone number those text messages were sent too and from is not a registered Bureau phone. Here is Chief Prentiss' personal number, agreement and message history, we also submitted an information request to AT&T and received confirmation that the phone number Detective Cooper was messaging was an unregistered prepaid phone purchased in Boston January 2003. Chief Prentiss was assigned to Interpol's headquarters in Lyon at the time and hadn't been in the country for close to 4 years" Emily's lawyer smirked, technically all true… Lauren Reynolds purchased the phone not Emily Prentiss... "We're also willing to provide financial records showing Chief Prentiss did not purchase tickets to get to either Philadelphia or New York, there were no out of character cash withdrawals to account for the cash payment of travel and accommodation and on several dates provided by the petitioner we have proof that she was in fact working on out of state cases. In fact there is one time she was in Canada the day Detective Cooper claims they met up."

"I thought you said Chief Prentiss was based out of London?" the Judge caught on quickly.

"Currently yes, Chief Prentiss is employed by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and on loan to Interpol. At the time of the alleged relationship she was a Supervisory Special Agent assigned to the Behavioural Analysis Unit."

It didn't escape anyone's notice that Emily had neither confirmed nor denied the affair. She was just grateful Malcolm sucked at record keeping and some of the dates he provided were off enough to cast doubt.

"Detective Cooper, you want the paternity test in order to seek custody?"

"Yes your honour, Emily Prentiss has a dangerous job and travels more often than not. I don't believe being raised by an absentee mother and nannies is the best thing for my daughter."

"Chief Prentiss, are you willing to name your daughters biological father."

"No I'm not" Emily stood but refused to offer any further information.

"Where is the child right now, Chief Prentiss?"

"She's staying with my Mother." Emily didn't add that her mother was still based in Tunisia and Emily had flown from London to New York via Tunis.

"You hate your mother…" Malcolm scoffed.

Clenching her jaw against engaging with him Emily repeated their game plan like a mantra in her head.

Don't offer too much information, answer every question truthfully, completely and minimally.

"Ok." the Judge held his hand up "Detective Cooper, unless you can offer more substantive proof then I'm denying the petition."

When he was met by silence "Petition denied."

Just like that it was over.

Sort of, thanking the lawyer Fiona had organised for her Emily quickly grabbed her jacket and bag and headed out of the courtroom. Hopefully she could get a flight into Europe tonight and then a hop down to Tunis.

She was halfway out the door when a hand grabbed her bicep in a bruising grip and spun her around to face a furious Malcolm Cooper.

"I will find out the truth eventually…" he hissed "and when I get my proof I will sue for custody and I will win. What judge will let a woman who faked her death and let her daughter be put into foster care while she was on the run from a weapons dealer keep a child…"

"You really bought that bullshit about foster care? She was back with me before the funeral... " Emily smirked as she wrenched her arm out of his grip "I was wrong about you in the subway… you don't love your wife… you love the power the image gives you. Family man with the perfect wife and perfect sons… how many bruises are under her clothes right now. How many times has she tried to leave and you scare her into staying… used that same line? What judge? Really? Every judge, cause what judge would give custody to a lying, cheating, bully who smacks his wife? If Caleigh was yours I'd never tell you. You don't deserve children, you don't deserve a wife and you sure as hell don't deserve that badge and shield. You were warned not to pursue this, every woman, every accusation and every mistake" she turned to face Marissa Cooper "He's going to get a call from his Captain any minute now asking him to explain a few things. Call me if you need something."

She stalked down the stairs to his yelling "Where's my daughter?" and was in a cab speeding away without answering.

Swinging by the hotel she grabbed her bags, checked out and went straight to JFK and managed to get a flight to Paris that afternoon, with a not quite 3 hour layover she would be in Tunis midmorning the following day.

If everything went to plan they'd spend the night in the Embassy with her mother and head back to London the next day.

A part of her was glad everything was over so quickly, the other part would have loved to take the hop down to DC and say hi to the team. While she was waiting at the boarding gate she sent an email apologising to them and explaining that she'd wrapped up her business early and was heading home. She also promised they'd be back in three weeks for Christmas.

The flight was long and lonely and Emily was ready to pass out for a few hours when she finally got through customs in Tunis. Her Interpol passport made it easy compared to travelling on a civilian passport but it was still exhausting.

Seeing her name held up by a driver at the arrivals gate sent relief coursing through her.

When they pulled up at the Embassy an hour later one of her mother's underlings was waiting at the door and directed her straight into Elizabeth's office. Emily had just enough time to snap a photo of her mother and Caleigh playing on the floor before either of them noticed her arrival and having her daughter back in her arms was the best thing to happen in the last 72 hours.

* * *

Elizabeth had been the one to insist on Christmas in DC.

"Last Christmas was miserable for me" she said "I want a new tradition for us, so, Georgetown. I'll fly into London on the 21st and then we'll head to DC the next day. Joy is more than welcome and invite anyone you want for Christmas lunch."

Emily had absolutely no problem with celebrating in either London or Tunis but things were still a little tense for them so she even agreed to let Caleigh stay with Elizabeth through the New Year while she went back to work.

As much as she hated being seperated from her daughter Emily couldn't deny them more time together.

That Monday night Joy met up with friends and Emily left her Mother and Caleigh to enjoy a night in while she hit the town with JJ and Garcia.

It was reminiscent of their ladies nights pre-Caleigh.

Somehow the three of them ended up doing shots at some dive in Georgetown and dancing the night away before stumbling through the doors of Elizabeth's house as the sun rose. Which also happened to be around the same time Caleigh was having breakfast.

Looking the three with a smirk Elizabeth sent them upstairs to sleep it off and wasn't surprised when Will La Montagne called her in a panic a few hours later looking for JJ. In order to reassure the detective that all was ok she made her way upstairs and checked the guest room. Finding it empty Elizabeth frowned in consternation and stuck her head into Emily's room to find all 3 women piled on the bed in a tangle of arms and legs. With a snort she snapped a photo and sent it out to all the men of the BAU.

* * *

It had taken 6 months of back and forth with the trainers for Emily to finally get to a place where she was comfortable taking Caleigh down there to meet with them. While Caleigh was too young for a full time service dog, which was her long term goal Emily wanted her little girl to have independence, confidence and freedom. Getting an assistance Dog for home would be a good first step and as Caleigh got older and more responsible she would be able to take over their care and training.

"What we're going to do is bring the dogs over one at time and introduce them to Caleigh. We'll be able to tell pretty quickly if they're a good fit and if none of them match to Calleigh today we have another group in training that will be ready in a month or two so we can try again then. In many ways this is a lot easier with adults and older children, we'll be relying on Caleigh's instinctive reaction and body language to tell us how she feels. As much as you'll be the caretaker and trainer they'll be assisting Caleigh."

The first two were beautiful chocolate labs that were gentle and friendly but Caleigh didn't seem interested in interacting with them, Emily suspects it's their size which dwarfs her tiny daughter. The third, a shih tzu which she reacted a little more to and then the trainer brought out a scottish terrier who sat a meter away from where Emily sat with Caleigh in her lap.

He was pure black, with bright glittering eyes and just sat there calmly watching the two of them.

Holding her breath when Caleigh sat up a little straighter with curiosity, she let it out slowly as Caleigh started to crawl out of her lap and inched her way towards the dog who gave a gentle tail wag and patiently sat still.

Even when Caleigh poked him in the nose.

She'd been assured that these dogs had all been socialised with young children but Emily hadn't socialised Caleigh with animals.

"That's a good sign" Emily heard the trainer mutter as Caleigh plopped down on her bottom in front of the dog who delicately stepped around and lay on his belly, head resting on the tiny thigh.

Obviously happy with the way things were going the trainer sat next to Emily to watch the two of them together.

"What's his name?"

"That's Clive he's four years old. His owner was an elderly lady who had to go into a nursing home. Her hearing had gone and she accidentally trained him to alert her when the phone or the doorbell rang so her grandson suggested he come here for proper training and re-homing with someone who needs him. She was very happy with the idea."

"I think Clive might just be coming home with us…" Emily mused.

"I think he might as well… watch this" Pulling out her phone, she opened an app that Emily couldn't quite make out and hit a few buttons causing a replica of a smoke alarm to emit from the phone.

Clive was instantly on his feet and used a front paw to tap Caleigh's hand until she turned to face the direction he was looking.

"That's fantastic!" Emily breathed "What's the next step?"

"Next you guys come out here and spend more time with Clive so they can get to know each other. We'll teach both of you his current signals and add actions or alerts he needs to know along with Caleigh's and your names and the signs you use for each other."

Emily chewed on her lip slightly "I work for Interpol and one of the security measures in place is a panic alarm built into my flat. Is it possible to train him to hit it in the right circumstances? I read somewhere service dogs aren't trained to protect because they need to be calm out in public but could he learn to do it if say someone threatened Caleigh?"

"Maybe…" the trainer thought for a moment "Best way would be to come up with a specific hand signal for him. Teach him to go for the button when given that signal."

"That would work." Emily agreed, she and Joy were already working with Caleigh on what to do in an emergency. It wouldn't be hard to roll Clive into that.

* * *

They missed their first two training sessions with Clive and the trainer.

It couldn't be helped. Erin Strauss was dead… murdered by John Curtis. While the majority of their relationship had been plagued by animosity Emily would never forget Erin's understanding when it came to Caleigh or the gentle way she'd held her daughter.

' _I wonder if Reid knows a way to reprogram 1 year olds'_

Wedging the phone between her ear and shoulder Emily shot off instructions to her 2IC as she threw clothes in a suitcase keeping in mind that if she forgot anything DC was easy to shop in. She hung up the phone just as a text from Garcia dropped through confirming their seats on the 5:10pm out of Gatwick and Morgan would be picking them up at Dulles.

 **Thanks, love you guys and see you soon**

Now a veteran flyer, Caleigh behaved perfectly on the trip. It helped that two hours in was her regular bedtime and having a sleeping 2 year old made the rest of the trip easier. Not wanting to hold up the rest of the passengers Emily waited while they all disembarked before getting the stroller from the staff and making her way out of the plane and to baggage claim.

As much as she loved Caleigh, Emily missed the days where she could travel with carry on luggage only.

As promised Morgan was waiting for them and immediately took charge of the suitcase and guided them out to his car.

Emily wondered briefly who he had stolen the safety seat from but in the end didn't really care enough to ask.

"How's everyone coping" Emily asks quietly once they're on the road.

"Not well" Morgan admits honestly "This guy… it was all about revenge… and it wasn't just against Strauss either. Both Curtis and Blake were burned by Strauss in the Amerithrax case… their anger was right and understandable but Curtis couldn't let it go."

"Did I ever tell you why I quit the first time?" Emily can't look at him.

"No… Hotch said it was a misunderstanding between the two of you."

"Ha!" Emily snorted "Strauss brought me in to inform on Hotch to get him out of the way. She pulled me into her office after Frank Breitkopf returned… told me it was time for Hotch's career to come to an end and I was to help her with that in repayment for her fast tracking me into the BAU…" Morgan didn't know how to respond to that but it explained so much about the two womens interactions over the years.

"I never forgave her for that… I handed in my badge instead…" it was a gut wrenching realisation. She'd assured Hotch she didn't have an agenda and wasn't there to play politics… neither of them had taken into account someone else's agenda "My mother has generally been respectful of my desire to stay out of politics… I didn't tell her about Strauss' maneuvering but someone else did and mother made her displeasure known to certain people. That's the real reason she backed off and started to leave us alone."

Emily didn't like to talk about that. It was that action Emily had used to chase her Mother off when Doyle came back.

' _Why do you insist on interfering?'_

' _I'm a grown woman'_

' _We had it handled'_

' _Just mind your own business'_

' _You know how much I hate politics, why would you do this to me?'_

They were in DC for less than 24 hours, as much as Emily would have liked to stay longer, she couldn't afford more time away from work. As soon as the graveside service was done she and Caleigh were in a cab back to Dulles and heading back to London.

 **END CHAPTER 17**


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18**

 **August 2013**

Over the next two months Emily and Caleigh went to the trainers twice a week to spend time with Clive. By their third visit the dog was trotting straight up to Caleigh and spending the entire session following her around. Emily was surprised but the trainer wasn't when Clive also started to react to Caleigh when she lost her balance, placing is body next to her so he could either cushion her fall or help her remain upright.

Both Caleigh and Emily picked up on his signs fast and he learnt the panic signal going for the alarm and hitting it with a nose or paw on command.

Two weeks after Caleigh's 3rd birthday Clive went home with them.

He had his assistance dog registration and harness. At the trainers recommendation Emily had set up a bed for him in Caleigh's bedroom.

The trainers snapped a photo of Clive and Caleigh sitting together for the old lady, a week later she received a message back.

'He's a good boy, and he'll follow your girl anywhere.'

Clive didn't go to daycare with Caleigh, or down to the shops or to swimming. Caleigh was simply too young to control him. Instead Emily kept it in house for the time being, reinforcing his training with trips to the park every afternoon and making sure Clive remembered he was there to help Caleigh but Emily was the boss.

Slowly Emily stopped worrying about Caleigh playing in another room or sitting in the sandbox at the park. Clive was right next to her, if Emily called her daughters name then Clive would make sure Caleigh came running.

That's all they needed for right now.

* * *

The week after Clive came home with them Caleigh started pre-school 2 days a week. Emily could have started her in early education a lot earlier but she enjoyed having Caleigh close by in daycare.

The freedom to pop down and have lunch or be there quickly in an emergency was amazing but Emily knew Caleigh needed to get into a formalised special education program.

Earlier that year Marissa Cooper had contacted her via the lawyer in New York. The message was short and required no response.

 **You were right, he doesn't deserve me or the kids and no judge has given him anything more than visitation.**

It didn't surprise her when a second summons appeared, this time for a DC court. Emily contacted her lawyer straight away.

This time she didn't even need to appear in front of a Judge. Her legal team got the claim dismissed out of hand when Cooper had no new evidence to support his claim. Emily wondered when or if he'd give up.

The profile says he's agenda driven and won't give up until someone stops him.

He's lost everything, his status at work, wife and kids because of this fight so she knows he won't stop here. He'll attempt to force the issue someway… which way Cooper's going to go she's not sure.

A month later she finds out when she gets home one afternoon with Caleigh to find NSPCC* on her doorstep.

Katrina Farr had been a social worker for nearly a decade and had only just knocked on the door when a voice called out to her from behind.

"Can I help you?"

Turning to look down the hall of the expensive flat conversion she saw a woman a little taller and a little older than she was walking slowly down the hall with a toddler standing on her feet and arms wrapped around her thighs while a dog walked right beside them patiently.

"That's my door you're knocking on…" the brunette continued.

At first glance Katrina could see she was poised, her clothes were comfortable but high quality and she was wary of the stranger at her door. Dark eyes flickered over her cataloguing everything.

"Katrina Farr, NSPCC can we talk inside?" she showed her ID and was surprised that there was only resignation on her face.

"Emily Prentiss and this is Caleigh" Emily rested a light hand on Caleigh's head "Come on in."

Opening the door Emily let Clive off his lead while Caleigh still clung to her legs.

"We're in a bit of a mood, mommy wouldn't buy ice-cream when we took Clive for a walk." Emily informed Katrina as she pulled Caleigh off her legs and popped her in her high chair "Feel free to look around and I'll answer any questions you have." Emily shot off a quick text as she moved into the kitchen.

"You weren't shocked to see me?" Katrina asks.

"Not really, let me guess NYPD Detective Malcolm Cooper called in a concern that Caleigh was being neglected or abused. I've been waiting for his next move… long story I'll provide you with a copy of the court documents…" throughout all of this Emily was wandering the kitchen preparing dinner for Caleigh appearing completely unfazed by the social worker in her flat.

"My part time nanny Joy lives here as well, she'll be home soon." Emily diced up some veggies and dropped them in a quick steamer while she pulled out some pre cooked chicken from the fridge and diced it up, once it was all done she moved to sit in front of Caleigh. Leaving the bowl to the side Emily waggled her fingers to get Caleigh's attention.

"What did Mommy say about dinner?" she asked watching Katrina out of the corner of her eye to see her reaction, to see just how much information they already had.

"Eat veggies have ice-cream" Katrina murmured as Caleigh signed.

"That's right, eat all your veggies and you can have ice-cream" Emily didn't comment on Katrina's knowledge of BSL, she simply tipped the bowl out on tray for Caleigh to help herself and glanced at her phone as it chimed with an incoming message.

"She's a little old for a high chair isn't she?" Katrina asked as she wandered around the living area, noting all hard edges were covered.

"Her balance isn't good enough for a booster yet, the location of the aplasia causes a lot of vertigo, same reason I haven't moved her out of the crib. I have a strap in booster which will grow with her on order."

"Any other health issues?" Katrina stuck her head into each of the rooms, noting the visalerts throughout the apartment.

"Dairy allergy and normal coughs and colds… nothing major since the anaphylactic shock at 3 months."

"She's allergic to dairy, yet you give her ice-cream" a sculpted eyebrow rose.

"A friend gave me an ice-cream maker… we make our own dairy free." It had been Caleigh's second birthday present from Clyde, at the time Emily had rolled her eyes him giving a toddler an appliance, now it was an essential for them.

Katrina nodded, she'd seen nothing to substantiate the report they'd received that Caleigh Prentiss was being neglected. The home was clean and tidy, the toddler dressed suitably and her clothes while covered with the normal mess of the day were otherwise in good condition.

While she had been looking around she hadn't noticed Emily writing something down until she held the piece of paper out.

"Phone numbers and email addresses for Caleigh's preschool teacher, swim class teacher and the director of the day care. If you don't mind waiting I can provide you with copies of the court documents surrounding Detective Coopers attempts to get a paternity test."

* * *

Emily never saw Katrina Farr in person again. A week later she received a very polite phone call stating they had found no evidence to back up the accusation and were closing the file.

It was another two weeks before they received confirmation that Emily's message to Cooper had been received loud and clear.

Hopefully she would never have to follow through on her threat.

* * *

Elizabeth is furious when Emily finally tells her about the social workers visit over Christmas. It takes Emily hours to calm her mother down and assure her she has it handled.

Two days before Christmas she finally gets to meet Savannah at Dave's Christmas party. To honor the occasion she, JJ and Garcia pull up every embarrassing Derek Morgan story they can and drag Savannah off to tell them. Dave enables them by using Reid as an unknowing foil to keep Morgan distracted.

Morgan is honestly a little worried by how well Savannah gets on with his female teammates both current and former.

They get on well enough to invite Savannah on girls night several days later.

"It's weird…" Savannah eyes Emily "Derek talks about you all the time but he doesn't really say much. It's all present stuff, Emily said this, here's a picture of Caleigh… he doesn't talk about your time in the BAU together…"

Savannah feels immediately uncomfortable at the silent conversation that happens between Emily and the two blonds.

"My last 18 months with the team was hard." Emily admitted "but tonight is a night for fun so I'll let JJ and Garcia fill you in on it another time."

* * *

Emily stared at the back of the ambulance as it took JJ away, her ears were ringing from the bitching out JJ had given all of them when they insisted she go get checked out at the hospital.

"How much trouble are you in?" Emily looks at Hotch out of the corner of her eye.

"A lot… State's going to be very put out by us calling you in." he huffed.

"What if I called you in?" Emily asks "I can backdate an information request… some over eager lackey in State answered it… I came running and absconded with the team… Clyde will back us up." Emily smirked and waggled her eyebrows.

"I hate to ask it of you but if you can that would help us out a lot." Hotch knew going against Undersecretary Jackson would have consequences but Emily's offer of protection wasn't just for him but the whole team.

"I'll call Clyde now…" Emily pulled out her phone and turned away to make a phone call, 10 minutes later she hung up.

"Clyde's taking care of it once he stops laughing at me. Now I need to call Joy and explain to my three year old why I won't be home for dinner." she sighed.

"Umm, Emily… it's midnight in London" Reid looked at her confused.

"Oh dammit… I haven't missed bedtime since moving to London…" she sighed and sent an apologetic text to Joy, less than a minute later her phone was ringing with an incoming facetime call, Emily winced and answered it, Caleigh's exhausted and tearful face showing up straight away. Placing the phone in Reid's hand so hers were free to talk to Caleigh.

"I'm sorry baby… Mommy got stuck at work… I'll be home soon… Joy will take you to pre-school tomorrow… you need to go to bed now… I love you... "

Morgan walked up to stand behind her and rested his chin on Emily's shoulder as he waved to Caleigh, they watched as Caleigh slumped into Joy's shoulder and closed her eyes, falling asleep almost immediately. Taking the phone back off Reid and flicking the call over to voice only Emily lifted the phone to her ear to continue talking to Joy.

She was tempted to call Clyde back and request a few days leave and tell Joy to bring Caleigh to DC so they could spend time with her friends but there was too much going on. She had literally dropped everything to come and help leaving a pile of cases, a very confused team and a very upset daughter.

Four hours later JJ was released from hospital and advised to take a week off and rest. They found an all night bar and the entire team headed down there to drink and decompress.

"Emily, how much longer do we have you?" Hotch gave her a rare relaxed smile.

"Umm" she checks her watch "6 hours"

In some strange recreation of JJ and Will's wedding they all end up on the dance floor together. Changing partners constantly so everyone danced with everyone, it was comfort and affirmation for all of them.

JJ was alive and safe, old friends and new all together gave them reaffirmation.

' _Nothing but the truth from now on'_ JJ had said but Emily still refused to tell them the truth about Caleigh.

* * *

Mark Shaw was having a quiet drink with a friend the first time he saw her.

She arrived late to the table that had been occupied for at least an hour, the group didn't need to shuffle to make room as they'd obviously saved a seat for her.

He couldn't take his eyes off her.

It was interesting watching her interact with the others, the way they deferred to her and respected her was implicitly clear.

Mark waited until she stood up from the table and came over to the bar to order drinks. Taking a chance he introduced himself.

And was shot down.

"I'm a single mom with a four year old daughter, I run the London gateway CID for Interpol and I sooo don't have time."

Emily was exhausted.

They'd just wrapped up a year long sex trafficking investigation that meant for the last two months she'd been hitting the office at 6am, taking Caleigh home at 5:30 having dinner, putting her to bed then going back to the office until close to midnight. They'd finally closed in on the money man the day before and in a massive coordinated effort with local law enforcement, MI5 and SIS had arrested 18 individuals that night. Across the channel in France, Spain and Morocco a further 45 had been arrested.

None of them had slept yet, too busy wrapping up loose ends. When Emily had left at 5 to take Caleigh home she'd ordered everyone else to take a long weekend.

Just before 6 a message dropped through to her. The team had decided to take some decompression time at a pub 10 minutes from Emily's. It made her smile that they'd chosen a place close to hers even if it was out of the way for everyone else.

She responded saying she'd be there around 8 depending on how easily Caleigh went down.

She just wanted a beer… but she was being hit on.

Taking her drink and turning to walk back to her table something made her pause.

She hadn't dated since… well it had been a very long time. One of the reasons Malcolm had been so appealing was the lack of commitment he required. They met up, they had sex, they parted ways. It was easy…

Before Caleigh she'd wanted to date, maybe find someone to settle down with. Once she got pregnant that desire to try had gone. She didn't have the time, energy or inclination to date.

Maybe it was time to get out there again, dust off her flirting moves.

Turning back to the man she smiled.

"Sorry that was rude but true… I'm Emily." she held her hand out.

"Mark…" he took her hand and shook it "it was refreshingly honest..."

Emily didn't see her team pointing and giggling. Five minutes later Emily returned to their table to catcalls, dirty jokes and a cell phone number in hand.

* * *

Hotch calling her was not good. 99% of their communication was done via email and the last time Hotch called her was when JJ was missing… the time before was Erin Strauss' murder.

"What wrong?" she didn't even bother greeting him.

"What's right?" he huffed "Don't panic, no one is dead or missing." he assured her.

She blew her breath out in relief "Thank God… so why the phone call? We gave up on that early on cause 9 out of 10 times we spoke to each others voicemail."

"I have close to 150 applications sitting on my desk for Agents wanting to replace Alex Blake… there's only one person I know for sure can survive the BAU and fit in with the team…" he lets his words hang and Emily know immediately what he's asking of her.

"Hotch…" she hates to turn him down and as much as she loves the team she's not ready or willing to leave London "I can't. I love London, Caleigh's happy and settled… I have a date tomorrow night with a really nice guy… I'm enjoying the work I'm doing and while they're not you guys I have a great team…" Emily smirked as another thought occurred to her "And think about it, I was insubordinate enough when I didn't have 2 years running my own team… teams"

"Oh wow…" Hotch was a little speechless as he realised the truth of her words. They were both alpha personalities and Emily had always shown impressive leadership qualities that would have been nurtured and expanded in her time in London. Despite their friendship and prior working relationship Emily would not last long reporting to him again before exploding in frustration.

Professionally they were equals now.

"Those are all very good points…" he pauses and goes through her previous words "Wait… date?"

"Do not… I mean it Hotch do not tell anyone. This guy is sweet, relaxed, not law enforcement, he's understanding about Caleigh and I do not want to deal with Garcia attempting to deep dive into his past while skyping into my date prep with JJ and Morgan providing colour commentary in the background. They'll let it slip to Dave who probably knows someone who knows someone who can organise for us to be followed and he'll be texting me the whole time asking if he's treating me right and finally I do not want a thesis length email from Reid including but not limited to the statistics of single mothers in their 40's attempting to get back into the dating scene."

Hotch covered his mouth with his hand in an attempt to not laugh out loud.

"Don't you dare laugh at me Aaron Hotchner… I am not overreacting."

"Yes, yes you are but don't worry I won't tell the team."

NSPCC = National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children

 **END CHAPTER 18**


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19**

 **October 2014**

Hair and makeup already done, Emily stood in front of her very full closet wearing nothing but her underwear. Caleigh and Joy were sitting on her bed critiquing every outfit she tried on.

Well, Joy was critiquing, Caleigh's only comment was 'You look pretty in that Mommy!' but then Caleigh would tell her she looked pretty in a burlap sack.

She had a date.

She'd been texting with Mark for over two weeks and they'd even managed to meet up for coffee a couple of times and she genuinely enjoyed spending time with him which is what led to her current predicament.

What to wear.

Finding a black cocktail dress right at the back she cocks her head and studies it trying to remember when and why she purchased it.

Capped sleeves, square neckline, hemline a little higher than she normally wears…

Ripping it off the hanger she throws it to the side… how the hell has that dress survived all this time. Next to it was the dress she wore to JJ and Will's wedding… Mark had promised her a night of dinner and dancing and this dress was perfect.

Sliding it on she was relieved it still fit perfectly and it still looked fabulous.

"Mommy's pretty!" Caleigh exclaimed.

"Mommy's smoking hot!" Joy agreed, her mouth and her hands saying two different things.

Not quite comfortable with Mark knowing her address yet Emily elected to take a cab to and from the restaurant. Mark was already waiting and in his black suit and shirt cut an incredibly handsome figure.

Strangely enough for Emily, in her heels they were nearly the same height which was different for her. She'd never dated anyone so close to her height.

Accepting a gentle kiss to her cheek she let him take her hand and guide her into the restaurant.

* * *

The sight of Penelope Garcia sitting in the hall outside her flat when she got home from her date was a complete surprise. Emily knew her friend had been struggling with having to shoot an unsub in defense of herself and Reid but for her to come to London meant it was worse than she'd been told.

Hotch had emailed her a few days before filling her in on the recent news on the team, including their new member Kate Callahan.

"I…" Penelope swallowed back her tears "I was there… and I watched him die and Morgan didn't understand and wouldn't take my calls. I didn't want to go home just yet and I thought… I really miss you so here I am. Then I got here and it was really late and I didn't want to wake you cause your busy so I didn't knock on the door and I just sat down cause I was tired and here you are… all dressed up like you were on a… a… Emily Prentiss did you go on a date and not tell us?"

"Pen… come inside, shower, change into your jammies and then we'll talk." Emily unlocked the door and guided her friend inside.

Emily quickly changed and removed her makeup while Garcia showered and then sent a text to Morgan with dual purposes.

 **I'm kicking you in the balls for making Penelope cry, whatever you said sent her to me instead of going home after Baylor's execution.**

It was less than two minutes before she received one in return.

 **She's the one who went crazy. Baylor pled guilty and accepted the consequences for his crimes which was the death penalty and she refused to accept that. He's a murderer.**

With a huff Emily typed back.

 **Seriously, that's your argument for not helping her find closure? How dare you try and claim to be her friend if you can't accept a simple truth about Penelope Garcia, she value's life above all things. When has she ever advocated the death penalty? I honestly don't give a damn about your reasoning, instead of accepting that she needed to find closure her way you once again made it about you. Contrary to your misguided belief, the world doesn't revolve around Derek Morgan.**

She didn't even give him time to reply before sending the next one.

 **Garcia and I are going to do girls weekend, I suggest you be ready with a hug and words of love and acceptance when she gets back to DC Sunday night or my boot to your little ones will be the least of your worries.**

* * *

Still in Bakersfield JJ's eyes shot up as Morgan went pale at whoever was texting him.

"You miss date night with Savannah?" she asked.

"Worse… I pissed off Emily." he sighs as Kate looks between them confused.

Picking up her own phone JJ texted Emily.

 **Any particular reason you felt the need to make Morgan cry?**

 **Ask him, if he doesn't tell you Pen will when she gets home.**

By then Morgan had left the room and Kate was watching JJ "Emily as in Emily Prentiss former BAU currently with Interpol?"

"That's the one… I'll call her when we get home and get the full story."

* * *

Garcia didn't last long enough to tell Emily anything else. She was out of the shower and passed out on Emily's bed by the time Emily got to her room from her angry texting spree, locking up the flat and checking on Caleigh.

With a smile Emily crawled into the other side of the bed and tried to sleep.

It had been a weird night, her date with Mark had been perfect. He made her laugh, didn't pressure her to talk about things she wasn't ready to talk to him about, showed interest in Caleigh and understood that she had a high pressure job which meant last minute cancellations and days without being available because every spare second she had went to Caleigh.

On top of that he was a fabulous dancer, holding her comfortably without being too forward.

Now she was curled up in bed with one of her best friends who looked like she'd cried herself to sleep.

Realising Garcia was only pretending to sleep Emily rolled over and wrapped herself around her friend.

"It's ok to care" Emily whispered "And it's ok to not be ok with the world and what's happening. You can come running to me any time."

"Can I take Caleigh shopping tomorrow?" Garcia sobbed not really sure what to do with Emily's words just yet.

"As long as you buy a present for Jack and Kate's kid while you're out." Emily agreed.

* * *

Emily has been up for hours by the time Garcia stumbles out of bed. Joy took off on a day out as soon as she realised Emily had someone to take care of Caleigh if she was called into work.

Emily was stretched out on her couch, back against the armrest Caleigh resting against her chest, a book in their laps.

It was still their favourite position to read in.

Looking up just in time to see Garcia nearly walk into a wall she choked back a laugh. Caleigh had no such self control and laughed openly.

Waving them off the half asleep blond reached the coffee maker just as Caleigh slammed into the back of Garcia's legs in delight. Pouring herself a mug and downing half of it in one go Garcia then turned and lifted the 4 year old into her arms and cuddled her close.

"Oh my God…" Garcia's head shot up as she realised the date "It's your birthday tomorrow!"

"44 is not a number I want to celebrate Pen…" Emily intoned, knowing nothing she could say would stop the blonde.

"I don't care. After shopping, all three of us… four if Joy wants to come… are getting dressed up and heading out. Then we send Joy and Caleigh home while you and I go…" she trailed off as Emily's outfit from the night before flashed through her mind "Oh and by the way I haven't forgotten that you missy looked like you were on a hot date last night!"

"Hmmm" Emily turned away and pretended to straighten Caleigh's toys.

"Oh nice try… I will find out everything." Garcia pressed her lips to Caleigh's neck and blew a fat raspberry, receiving a belly laugh in return.

* * *

She'd missed the call.

If it had been five minutes earlier or five minutes later she would have heard her phone ring but she was in the shower.

It was Garcia's tearful voice on the other end.

"We… I don't... " there was a deep shuddering breath "We got a call, Gideon's dead… he was murdered and we found the guy but we're all a mess and we need you… we need you here."

" _Prentiss…?"_

" _Sir?"_

" _You play?"_

" _Yes Sir"_

She never managed to beat him, not that day or any day after that.

Those early first days in the BAU where she felt like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Constantly fighting for acceptance and respect, underplaying her knowledge and experience. Gaining his respect… the entire teams respect had taken time. They'd been burned badly by the fallout of Elle's departure so new girl was scrutinised.

She and Gideon had left the BAU for the same reasons. They couldn't do it anymore but Gideon had been at breaking point before she got there, he hung on. Clinging to the BAU, to profiling for too long and it was only because she'd seen him go through it that she'd recognised the path she was going down.

Interpol CID was a different kind of hard but it was what she needed. She still profiled, it wasn't something you just stopped doing and it wasn't really the BAU that was the problem either. It was the combination... it was her.

Gideon hung on until the last moment, she walked away before she fell.

But when she needed him, he was there hiding and protecting Caleigh for her.

 **I'll let you know when my flight lands.**

Still in a towel, Emily called her tech analyst at Interpol and ordered him to get her and Caleigh on the first flight to DC the following day and then pulled out her suitcase and started to pack for them while she called Clyde.

* * *

It didn't feel right… this was the second time she'd come back to DC for a funeral.

Will La Montagne was the one to meet them at the airport this time. No matter how many times she assured the team she was perfectly capable of renting a car they insisted on someone picking her up.

They were also perfectly ok staying at her mother's house or a hotel but this time there was a room at Rossi's ready for them… when they'd come over for Strauss' funeral it had been JJ and Will's.

Dave was waiting for them and wrapped her in a strong hug.

Will left them with a promise that he and JJ would be coming for dinner that night along with the rest of the team.

The first thing she did was put her very tired and grumpy 4 year old down for a nap… then she showered and put herself to bed for a power nap.

When Morgan and Savannah arrived just after 7 Emily let herself be wrapped in his arms.

"I owe you a kick in the balls" she whispered with a wet huff.

* * *

Introducing Mark to Caleigh felt as though it took as much planning as a sting operation. Emily was cautious of letting Caleigh get close to someone who wouldn't be around long term and Mark understood that.

She started small, instead of telling the 4 year old she was meeting a friend Emily used his name.

"Mommy is having dinner with her friend Mark."

Caleigh didn't react much to the mention of Mark, Emily spoke about a lot of different people and Mark was just one more.

After 6 months of dating Emily finally felt comfortable enough in the relationship to introduce them and broached the topic with him when they met for desert one night after Caleigh was in bed.

"How about I meet you guys at the park on Sunday for a picnic?" he laced his fingers through hers.

"I like that plan…" Emily grinned "I need to warn you of a couple things. We'll have Clive with us, he'll give you a good sniffing over to make sure you're ok. Don't spin or make any sudden movements with her cause she will throw up on you."

With stop by the local markets Emily and Caleigh meandered their way to Bloomsbury Square Gardens less than a block from their flat.

It was an atypical London spring day. A warm breeze was coming off the Thames, the sun was shining and she didn't have a single time sensitive issue going on at work.

Finding the agreed area Emily set down the picnic basket and set up their blanket and handed Clives lead to Caleigh after nearly 2 years with them she could trust the dog to wander with Caleigh and bring her back if Emily called.

Emily also knew she had the dog trained well enough to not let Caleigh out of her sight.

Her face broke out into a smile when Mark arrived 15 minutes later.

"Caleigh!" immediately Clive was tugging Caleigh in her direction and used to following his lead the 4 year old ran towards her with her telltale uneven gait.

Pulling Caleigh into her lap and waving Mark to sit with them Emily introduced the two and smiled when Caleigh waved shyly.

Two days later Mark came over to the flat for dinner and met Joy.

The following weekend he spent the night for the first time.

Emily would never admit it out loud but she'd been missing sex for a while… and companionship. Sharing a bed with someone… in her younger years she'd never been fussy about the gender of the other person as long as they were her equal in some way. Sex with Mark was fun, they'd dated long enough and shared enough emotionally that it wasn't a massive production and they could both enjoy it.

His first look at the scars from Doyle told her a lot. He'd winced and flinched away slightly, but the once angry red scar tissue had faded with the nearly 4 years. Copious amounts of vitamin E oil and shea butter had helped but couldn't hide the fact that the injury had happened.

"This is what happens when you end up on the kill list of a international arms dealer" she'd smiled sadly as his fingers ghosted over the scar from Trevor Mills.

"You have more scars than me…" Mark had known Emily was in a dangerous line of work but seeing the story her body told brought it home in a way her words couldn't.

"You're an economics professor…" she giggled "I'm sure you've had your share of paper cuts.

* * *

The call from JJ was unexpected. Emily had caught the news item regarding Meg and knew the team would be solely focused on finding Kate's niece.

"How's Meg and Kate?" Emily asked having met the pair when she was in DC the previous Christmas.

"It'll take a while but they'll be ok." JJ assured her "Also… I have news…"

"Don't tell me State is trying to steal you again cause I think Hotch might actually cry." Emily half joked.

"I will be leaving the team for a little while but not for a transfer or secondment…" JJ hedged, in the team only Spencer knew. She'd wanted to tell Emily herself and Garcia will announce it to the world as soon as she knows.

"Huh?" Emily curls her lip up in confusion, why would JJ be leaving the team for a while if not for a transfer.

"I'm pregnant…"

* * *

While Caleigh had been at pre-school 3 days a week for the last year Emily was not prepared to send her to school.

Having just celebrated her 5th birthday at the end of August the 1st of September saw Emily dropping Caleigh off to kindergarten.

Unable to sleep the night before Emily sat up in bed and flicked through photo's of Caleigh's life.

The very first one taken by a nurse moments after she was born, the photo she sent out to her friends and family announcing her birth. Photos of her Mother and the BAU meeting her for the first time. The hundreds she'd taken during maternity leave and the ones when she was preparing for Doyle to come for her… a lifetime of photos so Caleigh would know her mother loved her even if she wasn't there.

The photos from the summer in Portwenn, 7 months of living as Matilda and Carys. Snapshots of Martin, Louisa and James who still couldn't live without each other but couldn't seem to get on the same page of living together.

Being back with the team… then moving to London… visits between London and DC… then Mark started to appear… Joy appearing throughout Caleigh's life, more a beloved cousin than Nanny now. The pictures Emily took when they visited Will and JJ just after Henry was born.

Wanting to do drop off and pick up for Caleigh's first day of school Emily took a half day, coming in late and leaving early.

Waking Caleigh just before 7 she made a full breakfast, got the five year old dressed in her uniform and pulled the wispy brown hair back in two braids.

After leaving Caleigh safe in the teachers care Emily got in her car and drove to the office blinking back tears.

Her baby was growing up.

* * *

Emily contemplated her options. She'd just received an alert of a killing in New York that matched her MO.

This case had managed to get under her skin in a way that very few had in the past. Seeing Louise's throat slashed and her blood soaking the already filthy mattress. So far Caleigh had no idea about the nightmares, Emily thought she'd managed to hide it from Joy but Mark was worried about her.

If she could just catch him... with him in the US she could bring in Hotch and with Hotch came the rest of the team.

It was Easter holidays so Caleigh and Joy were both out of school and she was tempted to send them to DC while she went to New York to work the case. Give them a bit of a vacation and hopefully she would be able to take a long weekend once the case was wrapped up.

Sending the case file to Hotch, Emily ordered the Jet and picked up her cell phone to call Joy.

"Hey Em!" Joy's bubbly voice came through "We are baking cupcakes."

"Sounds like fun… so I have a case." Emily paused "I'm flying to New York in an hour…"

Joy checked her watch "We can be at the airfield in 30 minutes so Caleigh can say goodbye" she confirmed.

"Sounds good, but I was also thinking you guys might like to go to DC while I'm there? I'm bringing the BAU in on this one and am going to head back to DC with them and if you guys meet us there we can spend a day or two catching up with friends?" Emily packed her briefcase as she spoke.

"I think that is a fabulous idea." Joy grinned "I'll book us a flight for Wednesday morning."

"Excellent, I'll see you guys in 30."

* * *

The best thing about having flown into New York and then to D.C. in the BAU jet is Emily didn't have a car so she didn't have to count her shots. Garcia joined her loudly proclaiming that Esther was safe and sound in Quantico and she would just bum a ride with whoever drove Emily around.

Emily stole JJ's phone and texted Will while Garcia shoved another Tequila in front of her.

 **Emily's here with a bottle of Tequila, I'll be home eventually.**

Eventually ended up being close to 13 hours later when Will opened their front door to get the paper and found JJ and Emily sitting on the front stoop with coffee's giggling stupidly.

 **END CHAPTER 19**


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20**

 **October 2016**

Ending the call Emily leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling.

It was possibly the strangest phone call she had ever exchanged with her former unit chief.

Full of small talk and idle chit chat that in places made absolutely no sense to her whatsoever. She suspected it wasn't supposed to… he was feeling her out about something based on the important questions he slipped into the conversation.

' _How's Clive settling into school?'_ Clive wasn't going to school with Caleigh, she simply wasn't old enough to control the dog. Hotch knew this and would never specifically ask about the dog. He always asked directly about Caleigh. It should have been 'how is Caleigh settling into school?'

' _Are you and your mother still fighting?'_ Hotch knew better, it had taken time and effort from both of them. Emily turning up in Tunis for two weeks before starting at Interpol and been a good starting point but the relationship, while not perfect was ok.

She had very quickly caught on he was worried that someone was listening in and the conversation they really needed to have couldn't be done over the phone.

A part of her wasn't surprised to find Hotch sitting on her doorstep when she got home that night. There was an intensity and worry on his face that she hadn't seen since telling him that George Foyet had taken the page of B's out of his address book.

Without a word she leads him upstairs pours them both a drink after checking on Caleigh.

"Peter Lewis has reappeared…" he starts and like a broken tap he tells her everything.

"You want me back at the BAU to work the investigation?" she asks when he finally finishes his story.

"No… I want you to take over as Unit Chief, there's more than just the Scratch investigation that you can help with. 3 weeks ago I was called into Langley for an off the books meeting with the Director…" Langley was a strange place for a meeting with the Director.

Hotch didn't stay the night, once he secured her agreement to think about it and come back to the Director with a decision within 24 hours he headed back to the airport.

With or without her agreement the Hotchner boy's were disappearing for a while.

This was the second time he'd asked her to return. When he'd called after Alex left he promised he wouldn't ask again but this time it wasn't to return as a team member. He was asking her to return and lead.

In some ways it felt like he'd left her the BAU his will… now that was a morbid thought.

It wasn't easy… it meant pulling Caleigh out of her school for however long it took to take care of Scratch. Uprooting her from her life and her home, dragging Joy back to DC, she loved her current school.

Did she really want to do that… drag them across the Atlantic for an unknown length of time. Alternatively Joy and Caleigh could stay in London… no, that was unacceptable. No matter how long, Caleigh would not be staying behind. Joy had absolutely no financial reason to keep following them. Her student loans had been paid off two years before and now nearly all of her pay went straight into savings. They'd argued about money not long after the last loan payment had been made.

Joy wanted to start contributing to rent and utilities but Emily wouldn't accept any money from her.

"You look after my kid." Emily said to her incredulously "Yeah it'll be extra cash for me but I'll just be giving it back to you for babysitting so what's the point? Save your money, if you want to, start investing in something."

Joy had seemingly capitulated but Emily regularly found extra cash in the emergency stash they kept in the flat and Joy was suddenly using less gas than previously. Emily chose not call her out on it instead sneaking the money back into Joy's wallet.

Hotch had told her to take the full 24 hours and to contact the Director with her decision and if she had any more questions. Jack and Jessica had already been hidden away safely, Hotch was joining them that night.

"Em?" Joy was silhouetted by the hall light "Hotch wants you to take over the team for him?"

"Yeah… right now I'm trying to decide if it's fair to drag Caleigh back to DC for an unknown length of time and to ask you to follow…" Emily took a pull of her beer and grimaced as the lukewarm, flat liquid hit her tongue. Standing she dumped the rest of it out in the kitchen sink and got two more out of the fridge, popping the lids she handed one over and brought the other to her lips.

"I like London…" Joy pushed herself up on a bar stool and picked at the label "We've had a really good life here and we're happy…" she looked up through her pale blonde lashes "but D.C. is home. I think it is for you too… London is nice but I'm ready to go home whenever you are."

Emily nodded "The team needs me… without Hotch… Rossi is good but the search for Mr Scratch combined with everything else Hotch has going on… it'll be hard on you. You'll have a lot more on time than here in London…"

It was that moment she realised she hadn't yet considered Mark. They'd been together for nearly two years but had never moved beyond the occasional sleepover. They were committed to each other and monogamous… but were they strong…?

After the majority of 6 years living together Joy could read Emily incredibly well "Mark?"

"Yeah."

"Be honest with him… but if you want to know what I really think then I would say you two aren't as committed as you pretend to be. You're comfortable with what you have because it's familiar now and neither of you want more than that…"

"How…" Emily blew her breath out through pursed lips "You really have been paying attention when I talk about profiling, haven't you."

Picking up her phone she texted Mark… telling him as much as she could about Hotch's visit, excluding the case details. She didn't break up with him but bluntly told him she was going back to D.C. until further notice.

* * *

Given they were only 4 weeks into the new school year Emily went to D.C. ahead of Joy and Caleigh, quickly finding them a place to live in the highest security complex she could.

After giving her notice to the school Joy started applying to schools in DC and given her experience and skills was quickly snapped up to teach the 5th grade at a middle school a few blocks away from where Caleigh was going to be enrolled.

5 weeks after Emily arrived back in D.C. the team was informed that Hotch wasn't really TDY and she would be taking over as Unit Chief. Caleigh and Joy had arrived to find Emily in Delaware on a case. Tracking those 3 boys and finally finding the twins who had been missing for 30 years had been brutally exhausting and getting back to Quantico to find Caleigh and Joy entertaining Garcia was the most uplifting thing.

Tara and Luke looked on at the reunion and smiled at finally seeing something other than the sarcastically competent Unit Chief.

* * *

Emily refused to tell Caleigh about Spencer being in jail.

She hated lying to her daughter and whenever she asked when he was coming over Emily told her he was away on a case.

There was a part of her mind that was constantly trying to work out how to explain this... if Spencer took the plea Caleigh would be a teen by the time he got out...

If he was found guilty she would be 30 before the minimum time was up... Caleigh could be married with children of her own... it was inconceivable that Reid would miss so much of Caleigh and Henry's life.

It wasn't fair.

* * *

Joy had been Caleigh's nanny for long enough that she knew how paranoid Emily was about their safety.

Actually it wasn't paranoia… too much had happened since Caleigh's birth for it to be paranoia. The world was a dangerous place and Emily had a dangerous job, before coming back to DC they'd had a frank discussion around security, especially against Peter Lewis.

The new condo had 24 hour security, residential swipe card access only and like their place in London it had a panic alarm.

It was late in the evening, Emily had already called and said goodnight to Caleigh. Dinner had been eaten, homework done and they were reading a book on the couch when there was a knock at the door which was strange.

Anyone visiting would need to be buzzed in from the condo.

Clive's ears perked up from his spot next to Caleigh while Joy went to answer the door. Checking the peephole Joy was surprised to see their night security guard standing there. Opening the door she stood in the gap to make sure Caleigh and the inside of the condo was hidden from view.

"Can I help you?" she asks.

"No!" Without another word he punches her in the face.

* * *

"Where's Emily?" Rossi asked looking around the accident scene… Garcia's jaw dropped as she tried to find the Unit Chief.

Just as she was about to call out to Matt an alert sounded from her tablet.

The panic alarm at Emily's condo was going off.

They were stretched to the limit… Rossi, JJ and Tara were injured, Stephen was dead, Spencer not cleared for duty which left herself, Luke and Matt. Making an executive decision Garcia called Will LaMontagne and quickly filled him in.

"I know you need to get Henry to JJ's Mom and then to the hospital but someone needs to go past Emily's and see what's happening there. Joy isn't answering her phone and Emily is missing." she babbled trying to stamp down the overwhelming panic which if given free reign would stop her from functioning the way the team needed her to.

"Garcia, it's ok. You said JJ's conscious. I'll call you as soon as I get to Emily's." Will promised. As much as he wanted to see his wife he knew JJ would need to know Caleigh was safe.

An hour later he pulled up to the Prentiss building to find chaos. Flashing his badge he asked around for the cop in charge and was pointed to Detective Leyton Shields who he knew in passing.

"What's happened…?" he asked slightly breathless.

"Security company came by to investigate a panic alarm. The door was found open and a Joy Mathers unconscious by the alarm and the dog dead… still trying to work out what's happened."

If Clive was dead...

"Shit… no sign of a little girl? Six years old, dark hair and eyes? She's deaf so if she's hiding she won't hear anyone calling for her."

"No… What's going on La Montagne?"

Will pulled his phone out and started to scroll through until he found a recent photo of Caleigh and Henry to show the other detective. The 6 year old holding 18 month old Henry in her lap.

"That's my wifes bosses place, Joy Mathers is the nanny. Caleigh Prentiss is the daughter of BAU Unit Chief Emily Prentiss. 3 Hours ago the team was attacked, one dead, three, including my wife, are in hospital, Emily is missing. The dog is a service dog, Clive was trained to alert Caleigh of any sound she should be aware of. You need to pull this place apart and find out if little girl is still here, because there is a very good chance she's been taken by the same man that has her mother… Don't bother yelling her name, she won't hear it. You need lights and vibrations to get her attention."

He sent the photo to the other detective and then called Garcia to fill her in on what he found.

* * *

Inside the warehouse Mr Scratch was keeping her in Emily lay repeating her mantra under her breath.

She'd been dosed… that much was clear now she'd managed to break through the hallucinations. She was sore but not in the blinding pain that had taken over everything previously.

She didn't know how long she'd been laying there waiting for him to return when a low whimpering met her ears. A child's whimpering.

She knew that particular whimper… was intimately familiar with it.

Pretending to still be in pain she forced herself into a sitting position in an attempted to lay eyes on who she really hoped was not her daughter.

Through the clear plastic sheeting Emily could just make out the outline of a man holding a child.

"Who's there?" She called out, her voice trembling.

Slowly the figure moved closer and closer until it pushed through the plastic to reveal her daughter being held by Peter Lewis…

"No…" she whispered "No, no, no… she's got nothing to do with this."

He cradled her crying daughter in his arms. He'd covered her eyes and bound her hands behind her back leaving her completely helpless and only able to use her sense of smell which would be overpowered by the bleach that permeated everything.

"But she does… she's a beautiful little girl… tell me something Agent Prentiss, a responsible loving mother like yourself. Your home has been fitted so that everything that makes a sound also flashes a light, the Nanny is fluent in sign language and you even got a service dog not just trained to alert her of certain noises but sound the alarm in an emergency. A mother who does all this and you haven't done anything to actually fix what's broken. There's some amazing technology out there…"

"She's not broken…" Emily ground out playing up the struggle to get up and get to her daughter "Do better research in the future."

Mr Scratch nodded, he'd made his point "here's the deal. You give me Jack Hotchner and I let you and Caleigh go home."

He slid her to the floor out of Emily's reach and stood her swaying and trembling before stepping up to the bed again.

Eyes wide with genuine tears leaking out of them Emily nodded "I'll tell you"

"If I would have known putting you at death's door and bringing your daughter in I would have started with that…" he leaned in close as she faked a cough and pretended to have trouble speaking.

"He's… at...8...5" just as he was close enough she reached up and pulled his head close enough to clamp her teeth around his cheek as hard as she could.

When he pulled back screaming in pain, Emily brought her left fist up and slammed it into the side of his head. Pushing him backwards has hard as she could she threw herself out of the bed, snatched Caleigh up just before she fell and ran.

The shriek of fear the little girl let out was ear piercing. The unexpected movement upsetting her delicate sense of balance and motion causing her to gag and vomit down Emily's back. Reaching up Emily pulled the blindfold off and dropped it as she found a set of stairs and started to make her way down them as Caleigh realised she was safe in her mother's arms.

She could hear Mr Scratch chasing after them as Emily fingers found the rope tying Caleigh's hands together and started to pull at the knots. Once loosened enough Caleigh wrapped her arms and legs around Emily, clinging as tightly as she could, face pressed into her mother's neck, entire body trembling in fear as she threw up what little was left in her stomach.

"FBI!" the blessedly familiar voice called out as Emily rounded a corner.

"Spence… Spence it's us…" she cried out as she ran towards him.

"Oh thank god…" he wrapped his arms around Emily just as Luke rounded the corner.

Not seeing who it was straight away Spencer turned her away helping to shelter Caleigh.

An unexplainable panic starts to rise when Spencer tries to run off and leave her alone.

"Please don't leave me alone…" she begs "I need someone I know is real and I can't protect her if I don't know what's real and what's not."

He thankfully relents and wraps an arm around her shoulders to guide her to safety. A part of him wants to offer to take Caleigh for her but he knows neither will react well to being seperated. Once outside he pushes her into the back of his SVU and wraps a blanket around Caleigh, relieved when the trembling slowed down enough for Emily to rearrange her a little more comfortably and allow them to see each others hands.

"A man came in and hit Joy… I gave Clive the sign… there was a funny smell and Clive fell over then the man grabbed me and I think I fell asleep and then I couldn't see and then you had me."

"Joy's at Georgetown, last I heard she's been in and out of consciousness and it looks like Clive was going for the panic alarm when he was shot" Reid relayed over the top of Caleigh's head while handing a bottle of water to Emily who gently coaxed her daughter into taking a few sips.

How the hell was she going to tell her daughter Clive was dead. Caleigh didn't understand death, she'd never experienced it and she didn't remember life without Clive.

Emily was about to respond when something caught her attention of the top of Caleigh's head. With a surprised gasp she pulled Caleigh's head down made sure she couldn't see Peter Lewis hanging from the top of the building.

Emily and Spencer could do nothing but watch as he plummeted to his death.

"I need to get her out of here…" Emily whispers to Spencer over the top of Caleigh's head "She can't see this…"

"I know, we've got an ambulance on the way, they're going to take the two of you to Georgetown."

Emily nodded trying to keep herself and Caleigh calm.

By the time the ambulance came Caleigh had nearly cried herself to sleep and Emily moved them over to the gurney telling the paramedics in no uncertain terms that unless it was medically critical Caleigh was staying exactly where she was.

Remembering her earlier plea Spencer silently climbed into the ambulance with them. The gentle movement of the vehicle causing Caleigh to throw up the small amount of water Emily had managed to get into her.

"This is normal…" Emily assured them not phased by the amount of vomit on her.

At the hospital they were declared dehydrated but no lasting damage. Caleigh's panic whenever Emily was out of her sight had the nurses considering sedating her until Spencer lifted her up and carried her down to radiology where Emily was getting her ribs x-rayed.

Holding her high enough to peer through the window Caleigh immediately relaxed at the sight of her mother.

Within a few hours both were declared healthy and a bit dehydrated. Emily slightly worse off with the bumps and bruises from the car accident but neither needed to be admitted once they both got a bag full of fluids and a good meal.

With a full meal in her belly and being safe and warm curled up in a hospital bed with her mother Caleigh quickly dropped off into a deep sleep.

"What state is the condo in?" Emily asks Reid who is still sitting by their bed.

"From what Will said they didn't touch anything. It looks like Scratch got to one of the security guards and used him to get to your place. They found him dead behind your building."

"Looks like we're moving again…" Emily sighed, they loved their current condo but after they were snatched from it so easily Emily didn't want to keep Caleigh and Joy there.

* * *

During the debrief of the night they took down Mr Scratch Emily doesn't go anywhere without Caleigh.

She spends her days in Emily's office seated at the coffee table drawing and playing games. More than once when Emily steps out of the room she panics and every night Caleigh sleeps in Emily's bed.

Joy is in hospital overnight but the aftereffects of the head injury will take time to heal.

Emily wonders if this is finally it for the younger woman. She's survived Doyle, Emily's death and return to life, moving to London for five years, back to DC and now Mr Scratch.

Caleigh's school is confused but understanding of her absence. Emily had gone in to explain in person why she wouldn't be there for an unknown period of time.

"She's not coping well" Emily admitted to her teacher "I'm going to get her in with a therapist but she won't let me out of her sight right now. Joy is still recovering and I'll be on 6 weeks stand down, hopefully she'll be back soon."

At that moment Caleigh was curled up on her lap, face turned into Emily's chest refusing to engage with anyone.

The first thing she did once the team was dismissed was book a rental cottage up in Maine for a week. Getting the three of them out of DC was the best plan she had, so Joy got an all expenses paid trip to the Bahamas and she and Caleigh headed north.

Caleigh still has nightmares and panics in the dark so Emily gets used to sleeping with a lamp on again.

It's still too cold to swim but their days are spent wandering along quiet beaches, Emily even risks the seasickness and takes Caleigh on a ferry trip up through the Bay of Fundy to Nova Scotia.

Seeing the whales brought temporary light back into the 6 year olds eyes.

When they got home Emily took her to the first therapy session and with Doctor May's encouragement back to school and with a plan to start getting Caleigh used to being away from Emily again.

The first few days Emily stayed the entire time, sitting in the back of the class silently watching while tapping away at her laptop clearing out backlogged admin. Then she started to leave for short periods. The first few times ended in tears the second Emily stepped out of the room, it broke her heart to hear Caleigh crying like that but it slowly started to get better.

3 weeks later Joy was fully healed and back at work, Emily was taking Caleigh to school staying for an hour and then leaving until an hour before school got out. The following week Caleigh was jumping out of the car in the mornings leaving Emily with a kiss on the cheek and a "bye Mommy".

Hotch is a godsend in that time, a calm and steady voice assuring her that she was doing everything right for her traumatised child and that Caleigh will heal with time and patience. She never asks him if he's sure about not coming back to the BAU, there's a lightness to his voice she's never heard before and Emily is well aware of the need to walk away from something.

Sometimes it's just the right time.

 **END CHAPTER 20**


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER 21**

 **December 2017**

They'd left Roswell 30 minutes before and the entire team was quiet. Sitting across from her, Emily studied Tara, this case seemed to have worn on her more than the others.

"You ok?" She murmured not wanting to draw the attention of the rest of the team.

"I will be..." Tara confirmed.

"Well, if you don't want to go home to an empty apartment Caleigh and I would love to have you over for dinner." Emily smiled knowing Tara wouldn't say no. She loved spending time with any of the BAU kids.

"I'm exhausted, but I would love to have dinner with you guys on one condition..." Tara's smile was weak but genuine.

"Yes you can supply desert." Tara always had the same condition.

 **January 2018**

Captain Savalas stared at the team that had come in from D.C. to investigate his weird ass murders. There were a few new faces but he definitely recognised at least one of them. He'd just passed the detectives exams and was on his last beat shift before transferring to vice when the call came out. He'd never forget the voice calling 'officer down' over the radio. He and his partner had been the first to the scene to find a dead kid, and an FBI agent with a detectives blood up to her elbows as she tried to limit the bleeding.

He must have been staring at Prentiss too much as one of the other agents called him out.

"Why are you staring at Emily, she's noticed and it's really creepy" JJ asked him.

"She was here in 08 right, the Lo-Fi killings?" Savalas didn't quite keep his voice quiet enough for Tara to not overhear.

"Yeah, so was Rossi, Garcia, Reid and myself" JJ confirmed.

"Do you remember the two Detectives… Cooper and Brustin?"

"Vaguely…I've been in the BAU for a long time. There's been a lot of Detectives we've worked with." JJ was really curious about where this was going.

"A couple of years back I ran into Cooper at 1PP… he'd just been hosed by the brass and moved to admin. Now… as far as I knew Coop was a good cop, family man and all that and his version of events is and this is a direct quote 'the FBI bitch I took a bullet for seduced me, got herself knocked up and then when I tried to get a paternity test and visitation she ruined my career…'" Savalas' gaze drifted back to Emily "and I remember clear as day responding to an officer down call to find Agent Prentiss covered in Coopers blood"

"That's a really good story…" JJ smiled as her memory of those manic days started to come back "I'd need to double check with Reid but if I remember correctly Cooper was hitting on Emily from the moment he laid eyes on her… she shot him down, hard. Emily knew he was married and wouldn't go near him." JJ assured him as Emily's words from when she was pregnant with Caleigh floated through her mind.

' _I made my choice… he made his and we parted amicably.'_

"Also he didn't take a bullet for her" Reid's voice interrupted them "He ran ahead and entered a blind alley when the unsub shot him. Cooper was already down by the time Emily entered the alley and she took down the unsub"

Savalas nodded their words confirming what he really thought "That's what I thought, rumour has it his wife left him late 2012… ended up in a shelter with some nasty bruises…" he left the room having got his confirmation.

Reid and JJ stared at each other for a moment "You don't think?" JJ spoke first.

"It's possible." he responded his lightning fast mind going through every conversation he'd had with Emily about Caleigh's father… which were few and all resulted in Emily shutting him down.

"What's possible?" Tara finally spoke up.

"Has Emily told you anything about Caleigh's father?" JJ asked, Tara shook her head no. She hadn't even asked figuring Emily would bring it up when she was ready.

"She never actually told us she was seeing someone…" Reid confirmed "but when you work with profilers everyone knows just about everything…"

"Hard to keep a secret in a room full of profilers" Tara acknowledged remembering one of her earliest conversations with Morgan when he'd asked her about the ring indentation.

"Emily is particularly good at it… we knew there was someone but no details until one day she was pregnant and single. To this day she won't talk about Caleigh's father with anyone." JJ filled her in.

"So you guys are thinking there's a kernel of truth to this Detective Coopers story?" Tara confirmed.

Pulling out her phone JJ dialed Garcia "Yeah…"

"Good Morning JJ, Goddess of kickass how may I help you?" the bubbly voice came over the speaker.

"Can you do some digging for us?" JJ asked quietly.

"Was Glinda the good Witch a controlling psychopath who used an innocent girl to do her dirty work in a covert power grab?"

Reid blinked in confusion as Tara mouthed the question back at herself and nodded in consideration of the theory.

"This is off the book digging" JJ breezed passed the random comment "As in don't tell Emily off the book."

There was a pregnant pause on the other end "You know I can't keep secrets from anyone…" Garcia whined slightly as Tara smirked.

"You only need to keep this one until the end of the case. NYPD Detective Malcolm Cooper and applications for paternity testing since 2010." Reid told her.

"Wow… if that's not the most irrelevant thing I've ever sear… oh my god…" Garcia gasped as the search came up with several results.

"What?" all three of them asked at once.

"Do you remember when Emily emailed us a couple of months after moving to London. She said she had meetings in New York and depending on how they went she was going to try and come to DC for dinner… Well it turns out those meetings were actually a court hearing, Detective Cooper was trying to get the court to order a paternity test on Caleigh. According to the transcript the judge denied the request based on insufficient evidence." Garcia scanned through the documents "Coopers evidence only proved he was cheating on his wife… it looks like Emily managed to refute all of his claims without actually confirming or denying who Caleigh's father is. Oooh that sneaky bossman!"

"Excuse me?" JJ spoke to all three of them.

"Hotch knew…" Garcia was flabbergasted "he signed off on the release of her Bureau phone records and the BAU's travel schedule from October 08 to December 09…"

"Whose phone records and travel schedule?" Rossi came into the room and was quickly shushed by the other three trying not to get Emily's attention.

"I'll send you everything I find… Garcia out" the phone when silent.

JJ quickly filled him in on the completely non-case related information they'd come across.

"Huh… Emily wouldn't touch a married man with a 10 foot pole…" he mused "but if he lied… and she trusted him enough to not actively profile him…"

"I wonder if she found out he was still married before or after she found out she was pregnant?" Tara asked unsure of which would be worse.

"Hard to know without getting her to admit it." Reid shrugged "Let's solve the case and then corner her on the jet." There was a gleam in his eye at the prospect of solving this particular 8 year old mystery.

* * *

Half the team had been looking at her funny for the last 36 hours and Emily could feel the eyes on her as they took their seats and the jet taxied for the flight back to DC. From what she could tell Matt and Luke were just as curious as she was about what was up with the other three. Somehow she had ended up in a window seat with Rossi in the isle, Reid opposite her and JJ next to Reid. Tara was across the isle and was not subtle about her gaze flickering to Emily every 30 seconds or so.

"What?" she finally snapped.

Reid pulled out his phone and dialed Garcia as JJ and Tara leaned forward.

"Malcolm Cooper…?" JJ asked and didn't miss the slight widening of Emily's eyes.

"Who?" Emily tried to play dumb but knew she was done for when Garcia's voice carried through the phone line.

"The asshole who has taken you to court twice to try and get a paternity test and when that failed reported you to child services in London for neglect in a bid to force the issue."

"Oh that Malcolm Cooper…" Emily licked her lips nervously.

"Now this sounds like a story…" Matt raised his eyebrows, darting his gaze between Emily and JJ.

"And one that I will not be telling!" Emily is firm in her conviction but pre-discussions earlier that morning resulted in an agreement that they could wear her down over the two hour flight.

"You know what's really interesting" Garcia's voice breaks the momentary silence "Not many people have the skills to track this but the phone number Detective Cooper was communicating with always seemed to ping from a tower within a 4 or 5 block radius of you, Emily."

Slumping back into her chair Emily knew she had finally been caught out and contemplated how much she wanted to share with them. Seeing her reaction Dave decided to throw her a lifeline.

"How about we tell you what we've worked out so far and then all you have to do is confirm or deny… ok?"

"Fine…" Emily grumbled.

"He approached you… it was several months after you first met? Played the 'my wife left me and took the kid' sob story?" Dave started.

"Yeah… the October after and yeah I fell for it." she could do this, these people were her friends.

"We all knew it was on and off depending on our caseload…" Reid chimed in and Emily nodded, conceding the point.

"Because you already knew him you tried not to actively profile… which I know is damn near impossible because Will bitches about it all the time" JJ rested her foot against Emily's in an attempt to offer comfort.

"And you told us that you found out you were pregnant while being treated after the car accident in Lockport" Garcia added "I'm guessing you told Hotch more than us… enough for him to eventually put the pieces together."

"I went to see him in New York and tell him about Caleigh" Emily finally started to open up "I'm sitting outside his building for something like an hour… it never even occurred to me to call ahead and let him to know I was coming… there he is with his picture perfect family... I called it off via text then and there, came back to Washington and told Hotch everything but his name the next day and you guys all know the rest..." Emily finished… it felt freeing… finally telling the team everything.

She made a mental note to call Morgan when they got home, although knowing Garcia the analyst would have already filled her boo in on everything.

"Soooo… when do we kill him?" Luke finally asked.

"We don't" Emily was firm as she leaned back in her chair "Garcia, what happened to Cooper every single time he made a play for Caleigh?"

"The first time in December 2012 NYPD IAB was sent the details of several prostitutes Detective Cooper had been involved with. The second time in September 2013 his now ex-wife was given enough evidence for her to win full custody of their two boys and for the court to order supervised visitation only while he underwent anger management classes… which he never completed BTW. Finally we have November 2013 when he reported Emily for neglect… she made a complaint to NYPD that he was stalking and harassing her then had an intent to file suit notification sent where she threatened to sue him for defamation of character." Emily smirked at the rest of the team.

"Hotch was very helpful in gathering the evidence… and making sure it can never be traced back to either of us." She grinned wickedly at JJ "Even if I did decide to go with Luke's idea, I wouldn't involve the whole team."

JJ frowned in thought "We really need to redo our disposal assessment…"

"Well Garcia and Rossi haven't changed… we can probably shave a few hours off Spence and add some to Morgan and Hotch for travel time…" Emily mused.

"Do we want to know?" Tara eyes darted between the two women.

"Emily and I got a little…" JJ started

"... a lot…" Emily interrupted

"Drunk one night and worked out how long we'd need to dispose of a body, hide the evidence and set up alibi's. Then we worked in each member of the team and how long they would add or minus from the process."

"Where was I during these drunken shenanigans..." Garcia's outraged voice came through the phone.

"Passed out on the couch from the oxy… it was your second night home after Battle." Emily informed her.

"You mean the night my favourite bottle of Absinthe mysteriously disappeared." the outrage went up a notch.

"Damn…" Matt muttered impressed by the whole thing.

"I love you guys…" Rossi sighed "I really do, but I do not want to know."

* * *

Emily read and re-read the email Linda Barnes sent to JJ multiple times.

She clicked the save button and moved a copy to an encrypted external drive before pulling out a prepaid burn phone and sent a text message.

 **It's started**

* * *

JJ's face as she asked if she should be worried was gut wrenching.

She wanted to scream 'Yes! Be worried... be scared' but she didn't.

Emily followed her orders, smiled and reassured her friend that everything would be fine

* * *

It was amazing… with all their technological advancement and paranoia Barnes didn't think to check for a simple mini cassette recorder in her pocket.

As soon as Emily was dismissed she drove to a little bar in Dunn Loring where she ordered herself a single beer and sat in the back corner. 30 minutes later a woman sat across from her, they chatted about the news, climate change and their kids like old friends.

Emily left without the cassette and went home, late that night she got a message.

 **Push back.**

Day two of her inquisition Emily could have punched Barnes when the woman brought up Caleigh.

"My daughter has absolutely no impact on my ability to do my job, does your son?" Emily cocked her eyebrow in challenge.

That was when she snapped back and as instructed refused to continue playing Barnes' game

* * *

Spence was breaking her heart.

"Why is it not ok for me to walk out on the team but it is for you?" he could see it, there was something she was hiding. He'd known her too long and let her get away with hiding too many things to not call her out.

"Because you and I are different."

"We're not."

"And if the situation was reversed, you wouldn't give up on me and you know what? I happen to know that for a fact because you didn't. When I was in prison, you did everything in your power to get me out." her eye twitched and she blew out her breath... hard

"What?"

"Yeah… I did do everything." Emily knew she had to redirect him, turn his attention away from the present and to the past. Spencer Reid and his beautiful gigantic brain was a genuine threat... and even bigger threat was his heart and loyalty to her.

Then he had to throw Doyle in her face "All I'm saying is that it's a lot like when JJ and Hotch faked your death so that you could escape from Ian Doyle. You didn't have any choice in the matter, but it's what they had to do. They fought just as hard to save your life as you did to save mine. It's what we do."

His final hit nearly caused her to give everything away "Caleigh's settled into life here, so you really want to drag her away from her school and her friends... just like your mother did to you?"

6 hours later Spencer was nothing more than an academic and she'd been reassigned... in less than a day Emily knew a position in OPC would open up and she's be there so fast her head would spin.

Exactly like they'd predicted.

* * *

"The Director called me, Barnes will never come near the BAU again."

"And so we live to fight another day!" Dave called out, raising his hand for Emily to high five as the rest of the team celebrated below them.

She watched their celebrations for several minutes before calling out again "Now take 10 minutes and get comfortable again then meet me in the conference room."

Emily turned and went back to her office, gut clenching over what she had to tell the team. Taking her time she started with her photo's, placing them back in their correct places. A picture of Caleigh taking pride of place.

When time ran down she made her way along to cat walk and when she entered the room the entire team was already waiting for her. Matt briefly met her gaze and nodded in encouragement.

"What I am about to tell you cannot leave this room." Emily takes her seat and pauses to lock eyes with each team member in turn..

"Several months before I returned, I signed off on a report from one of my Inspectors regarding Linda Barns' actions during a case where cooperation between Interpol and the Bureau was required, the report stated she was controlling, impulsive, her actions endangered the lives of agents and civilian alike, it also stated a suspicion that all the Bureau agents were too scared to go against her. I forwarded that report to my superiors, the report worried me enough to include a memo stating that I would only be releasing my Inspector's if I took the lead on JTF's with her involvement." Emily lifted her water glass to her lips and took a short sip.

"Unknown to me at the time, Barnes had quite the negative reputation in the international law enforcement community and my report and memo ended up with the Secretary General who contacted Director Matthis who in turn started to quietly ask questions, the reports he was given included funds being mismanaged, staff being bullied and manipulated into either turning against each other or admitting to actions they hadn't taken and a blatant disregard for life. Unfortunately no one in the Bureau was willing to sit down and officially report anything. Due to this he called a meeting with Hotch and they came up with a plan to allow her to take on the BAU and use her methods and actions during that time to either confirm or refute those reports. When Hotch went into witness protection with Jack he recommended me to take over for several reasons. I was still technically a Bureau Agent on long term loan, I am a profiler, I know the team, I was aware of the targets capabilities and finally I have extensive experience in undercover and infiltration operations."

Spencer was the first to get it "It was all a set up?"

"Partially yes." Emily admitted "She has a set MO, get rid of the leader as scandalously as possible, me. Then go after most of the long term members of the team, the most connected, Rossi, unique Garcia and Reid and extensively experienced Tara. Keep one of the younger long term team members to run things as their age and limited experience outside of the team should make them easily controllable. Finally keep the newest team members as they would have less loyalty to the team as a whole and would engender animosity between those that left and those that stayed... Stephen was originally meant to be here still, playing along and reporting everything back to myself and the Director. After Matt agreed to join the team he was read in."

"Barns was wrong." Matt said softly "I'm loyal to the Bureau and the BAU. I'd seen first hand what she was capable of and how far she was willing to go to increase her personal power and I was happy to help."

"All this was done in conjunction with the Inspector General's Office. I was working with their investigators the entire time as a case was built against her. As of 5pm today Linda Barnes is no longer a member of the FBI and within the next 48 hours a decision will be made on whether criminal charges will be laid against her, starting with reckless endangerment for her decision to take Corinne Jordan into the line of fire." Emily blew out a deep breath.

"One of the most critical aspects of this was you guys not knowing, the Director forbade us from telling you. When Hotch briefed me on the operation he told me it had been his idea to keep you all in the dark, I agreed with and followed their original plan. I trusted you to be you, I trusted you to be the amazing people and profilers you are with a sense of justice and right and wrong that Linda Barnes will never comprehend, leaving you in the dark also allowed me to predict your actions and make any changes necessary. For example, I knew eventually JJ would blow her top. In fact I relied on it..."

She looked around the team and could see they were all still processing. Hopefully they wouldn't be to hurt. She laid out a copy of the file she and Agent Carrington had put together on Barnes.

"This is a copy of the full investigation. Feel free to go through it, do not make further copies and it is to be shredded when you've finished." she glanced down at her watch.

"Take the night, process and then feel free to come and yell at me in my office in the morning. Caleigh and I have a date with a dog trainer."

"Emily…?" Tara called out softly "My head understands why this had to happen the way it did. Give me a couple of days for my heart to catch up and we'll be good."

She let a small smile grace her face "Done" before slipping out the door to her office.

In the conference room Luke looked around confused "Extensive undercover and infiltration experience?"

By silent nomination JJ, Reid and Garcia left it to Rossi to explain. He leaned back and studied Matt, Tara and Luke and tried to decide how to explain.

"Before joining the BAU in '06 Emily was CIA…." he paused at their astonished expressions "We don't know all the details but she spent most of the late 90's and early 00's working across the US and Europe as a NOC Agent. We found out when an old case came back to haunt her it was… unpleasant. If you want to know more please ask Emily."

After several beats of uncomfortable silence Matt spoke up "I'm going to leave you guys to it. Like Emily said feel free to come and yell at me in the morning and I hope I haven't damaged the teams trust in me too much."

Emily quickly packed up her office and was leaving just as Matt made his own exit from the conference room.

"Prentiss… we did the right thing." he called softly.

"I know, it doesn't make admitting to your family you've been lying to them for months any easier."

She turned and walked out the door.

 **END CHAPTER 21**

 **End AN:** As most of my regular readers know I'm not one for mid-story authors notes but I've been on a massive CM binge and just re-watched season 13. Did I dislike the Linda Barnes story line... Yes and I'm going to explain why. Like with the original introduction of Erin Strauss it reinforces the idea a woman in power must be a stone cold bitch. The entire 3 episode arc is well done to a point and is saved by Emily's speech in 'Miasma' and the scenes between Emily and Spencer in 'Annihilator'.

It also didn't make sense that someone in Barnes' position wasn't watched more carefully especially given her reputation for reforming units and her treatment of the local law enforcement. That should raise massive red flags with her superiors, I would think that she would actually be under more scrutiny than they depicted. There's my reason for the tweak to the Linda Barnes story arc. It was one of a number of times I've felt the writers could have done a bit more to keep the scenario more realistic.


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER 22**

 **March 2018**

As planned Joy waited patiently with Caleigh by Emily's car, the 7 year old finally willing to replace Clive. The little scotty dog had been such an integral part of their lives that Emily understood why replacing him was so hard. Clive had been a faithful companion and helper for Caleigh for over half her life.

Emily had loved the little dog simply because he loved Caleigh.

It had taken a lot of time and research but she'd found a service dog trainer in Gainsville and had contacted her months before with what she was looking for. She'd been… sort of... honest about Clive being killed going for the panic alarm during a home invasion.

She hadn't been pushing Caleigh, instead waiting for her to be ready and the week before she'd crawled into Emily's lap late one night and said.

"I miss Clive… it's lonely without him and he wouldn't want me to be lonely."

"No he wouldn't, are you ready for a new friend?" Emily had signed back.

Caleigh had only shrugged in response.

"Do you want to go and meet some dogs and see if you want them to be a friend?"

Her nod was hesitant but Emily took that as a good sign and had contacted the trainer and organised for them to go out there tonight.

So here they were pulling into the acre lot just as the sun was setting. They were met outside by a woman a few years younger than Emily who had a pile of puppies trailing after her.

"Emily?"

"Yes, and this is Caleigh."

"Come on out the back. As I said on the phone I have a couple of dogs who are noise alert trained and they know a few basic signs, but you've already done this before so you know the drill. We'll follow Caleigh's lead here."

As they rounded the corner Caleigh's eyes went wide and she hid herself behind Emily's legs at the sight of all the dogs.

Off to the side in a small fenced off area lay a beagle type dog, 2 labradors and a miniature pinscher.

At the light tug on her pants Emily crouched down to eye level with her daughter.

"The one with white and black and brown looks nice"

"He does, doesn't he. Do you want to go say hello?"

"Yes please."

"What's the beagle's name?" Emily asked the trainer.

"That's Phoebe, she's 18 months and a beagle miniature pinscher mix. She was the only survivor of a litter someone tried to drown." Emily quickly translated the name but not the story as the trainer got her attention with a clicking sound and called Phoebe over with a hand signal.

Emily stepped back and let the trainer make the introductions and was relieved when Caleigh didn't immediately cry.

"In some ways Phoebe's still a baby, it will be a while before she's fully trained." the other woman admitted.

"That's fine" Emily smiled "it's taken 8 months to get her here so if Phoebe is the one then we can be patient."

It was at that moment Caleigh burst into tears and bolted back towards Emily shoving her face into Emily's legs her body shaking with sobs.

"Ooohkay… maybe Phoebe isn't the one." Emily shrugged and let Caleigh cry for a few minutes before crouching down to be eye level with her daughter. Pulling a tissue out of her pocket she wiped Caleigh's eyes and nose.

"What happened?" she asked.

"She's not like Clive… I asked her where Mommy is and she didn't know… Clive always knew…"

This Emily saw coming.

"You don't remember but the day we met Clive he didn't know us either. We had to teach him who Mommy and Caleigh were. We had to teach him who Joy was and he didn't know what our lights meant or the sign for dinner… and Phoebe is only a baby, Clive was older than you." tucking the dark locks behind Caleigh's ears Emily gave her another moment before speaking again. "Let's try something huh…?" taking a deep wet breath Caleigh nodded.

"Does Phoebe have a name in ASL yet?" she asked the trainer who nodded and taught them the sign.

Not caring about the wet grass Emily sat down facing the dog and pulled Caleigh into her lap. Snapping her fingers as instructed to get the dogs attention she signed for her to come. Ears perking up the pup immediately trotted over to them and sat waiting for her next instruction.

"See…" Emily told Caleigh "she knows her name and to come to us when she's told. We just need to teach her a few new things."

Reaching out a trembling hand Caleigh gently ran her fingers along Phoebe's ear and let out a small smile when the dogs head tilted into the touch. Then she turned her cold wet nose into Caleigh's wrist to nuzzle at it.

After watching Caleigh gently stroking the dogs head for a few minutes Emily brought her hands round for Caleigh to see them and asked.

"Do you want to come back next week and visit Phoebe?"

Caleigh leaned back into Emily's chest as Phoebe creeped closer to them, enjoying the affectionate patting. Several long moments passed before she nodded.

* * *

Emily was the last to arrive the next day. Caleigh's nightmares from being taken by Scratch came and went randomly and when they hit they were fierce, Emily spent most of the night sitting up in bed, lamp on, cradling Caleigh against her chest.

Every time she lay Caleigh down the terror started again, waking them both.

So she sat there holding the 7 year old and not sleeping.

As a result Caleigh was barely functioning from the lack of sleep. Having already made the decision to give the team a few days to settle back in properly before they took an out of state case Emily called Caleigh in sick to school and took her into the office and settled her on the couch with an iPad full of books.

By the time Dave braved her office, Caleigh was fast asleep, he cocked an inquiring eyebrow at the plus 1.

"Bad night…" Emily admitted "nightmares about Scratch, she's in no fit state to go to school so here we are."

"You know…" Dave lowered himself into a chair "I knew you gave in too easily and I honestly thought it was to do with Scratch grabbing Caleigh. Five years in London and not a single incident… you're back in DC for what… 8 months and she gets grabbed by a serial killer as a bargaining chip." he studied her for a moment "You wanted us to think that didn't you?"

"It wasn't in the original plan but it was convenient… I needed you guys looking at that. Looking at the past not at what I was doing. Agent's like Linda Barnes are the most dangerous kind, they breed mistrust not just from within but from without. They want the power for themselves… I knew it and I pushed her buttons to get her to suspend me. All those times she claimed to have spoken to the Director… lies… she didn't once speak to him in regards to what she was doing at the BAU. I know, I left O'Keefe's and met him the night she ripped the team apart."

"I don't like it" Dave admitted "I feel as though we could have helped, brought this to a close without all the theatrics and secrets but I also understand that you were under orders."

Emily knew she'd be repeating her next sentence a lot over the next few weeks "Plausible deniability Dave. Hotch and I went over and over this so many times… he came to London and we spent hours talking and at the end of the day we knew the team needed to be protected from any fall out."

They both jumped when Emily's office door banged open to reveal a slightly manic Penelope Garcia and a worse for wear looking Spencer Reid peering over her shoulder.

"So Spence and I went back to my place last night and we both drank waaaaay too much so we're both a little hungover but here's what it comes down to… you did what you did and despite my inability to keep a secret or tell a lie I probably would have agreed to it as well because catching bad guys is what we do and she was definitely one of those." she paused and took a deep gasping breath "Why is Caleigh here?"

Emily smiled.

JJ sent her an email a few hours later.

 **I would have thrown an epic and memorable tantrum in public for you, all you had to do was ask.**

Choking back a laugh Emily hit reply.

 **Taking lessons from Henry?**

As requested she gave Tara space and Luke grabbed her while getting coffee.

"You and I need to swap UC stories one day." Was the only thing the younger man said.

* * *

It took 3 months of hard work with the trainer and Phoebe before she was ready to go home with them. Unlike Clive who was sedate and regal through all things Phoebe was a bit more excitable. Emily insisted on Caleigh and Phoebe going back to the trainers twice a week for the foreseeable future. They were both a little too young and a little too wild to stop the regular training just yet.

Like Clive, Phoebe wouldn't be going to school with Caleigh until Emily was confident in her daughter's ability to control the sweet dog but as a registered service dog she went everywhere else with them.

* * *

One of the things Emily loved about Caleigh's school was the monthly open house they ran for the families of children with hearing impairments.

The night she'd attended when Caleigh was 6 weeks old had opened up a world of support and friendship for both of them in those first few months and many of those friendships were still going strong despite the 7 months in witness protection and over 4 years in London.

Emily brought Caleigh to as many of these nights as she could, it gave her a chance to catch up with the other parents and she wanted to give back, give the families who had just received a diagnosis a friend… her experiences and her understanding of just what a mind-fuck they were going through.

Each month a different parent was asked to speak, Emily had never offered in the past because her schedule was so unpredictable but when they arrived to help set up she'd been approached by the principal. The father who was supposed to be speaking had pulled out at the last minute and would she mind getting up and telling her story?

So she sent Caleigh and Phoebe off with the principal to help set up while she got her thoughts together.

Halfway through the formal part of the evening Emily was introduced and made her way down to the podium.

Taking a deep breath she looked around the crowd, smiled, raised her hands and started to tell her story.

"Good evening, my name is Emily Prentiss. I'll start by telling you a few things about myself. I work for the FBI as the Unit Chief for the Behavioural Analysis Unit. I'm what's known as a hyper-polyglot which means I am fluent in 6 or more languages, by the time I was 16 I had lived in 8 different countries and most importantly my daughter Caleigh is in the 3rd grade here at Kendall. Caleigh has complete binaural sensorineural deafness due to vestibulocochlear aplasia. For those of you new to all of this that means the auditory nerves didn't grow and connect properly." Emily took a moment and continued.

"My life had already altered drastically, I was an FBI agent who travelled for 3 to 7 days at a time, I was in my late 30's and was in hospital after being involved in a car accident and during a routine blood test it was discovered I was pregnant. 3 days after I found out I was pregnant I was single. Then at 22 hours old Caleigh failed the ABR infant hearing screening, I'm sure many of you in this room received the same news and got the same reaction. 'Don't worry 90% of babies who fail at birth, pass at two weeks'. At 15 days old she passed the OAE and failed the ABR again. This time I'd done my research and knew what that most likely meant. The pediatrician sent us to the audiologist who sent us to the ENT specialist… Caleigh was 4 weeks old when they did a MRI and she was officially diagnosed. So I'm not just a single mom in the most exclusive and demanding unit of the FBI, I'm a single mom raising a child with a hearing impairment and my first thought is not fit for mixed company." she smiles as a light chuckle goes through the room.

"At the time I didn't realise just how lucky I was to get her diagnosis so young. So what did I do? I adapted… what choice did I have. I love my daughter and I will do anything for her so I learned sign, my mother, my friends and the babysitter learned sign, two days after I started telling people two of my friends turned up at my front door and installed vis-alerts to everything, I found this school and brought Caleigh along to an open night where I found friends, support and knowledge. I was happy when she smiled early, rolled over on time and scared stupid when she sat up, crawled and walked late. When Caleigh was old enough I started looking into service dogs, just after her 3rd birthday Clive came home with us, because at 3 years old children are starting to learn independence, their world is opening up and I wanted that for Caleigh. I could let her play with her back to me and not worry because if I called for her Clive would tap her hand and face whatever she needed to pay attention to and she learned to follow suit. I didn't need to worry about her not hearing an alarm because she had Clive with her, I knew that Clive would follow her anywhere. Unfortunately we lost Clive last year and it took time but now we have Phoebe who is a loyal friend and helper to Caleigh." she paused to take a drink of water.

"8 weeks ago her ENT specialist offered Caleigh the ABI, for those of you who don't know what it is, it's an implant placed in the brainstem that bypasses the auditory nerve. It will give her a version of hearing… after speaking with Caleigh I turned it down. If Caleigh changes her mind when she's older, when her understanding of the world matures with age and experience then I will support her 100% but I won't make the choice for her. My daughter is a person with hearing impairment, she can still think and feel, she is still capable of making her own informed age appropriate choices. As she is growing I am doing what her doctor told me to, 'worrying about her future, worrying about giving her the tools she needs to grow into a successful well adjusted human being'. Has it been easy? No, but then she's my kid… it's not supposed to be easy."

"One of my fondest childhood memories is my mother reading to me, so from the moment she was born I read to Caleigh… when I accepted that she couldn't hear me I spent hours at the computer translating children's books into sign. I bought a book stand and page turner so she could sit in my lap and see my hands and I could see the book. At five years old I knew English, French and we'd just moved to Cairo so I had a smattering of Arabic. When Caleigh was 5 years old I picked up a number of children's books in Spanish and started to teach her, I would point to a word and use the ASL sign for it. She can now read and write in English and Spanish and 2 months ago I started teaching her Greek. Eventually I plan to add Arabic and French and my mother wants to teach her Russian." Emily smirks and looks around the room.

"How many adults with full hearing only speak one language? My deaf 7 year old is trilingual…" Emily paused as she realised something "Technically she might qualify as quadrilingual as we lived in England for 4 years, ASL and BSL are two different languages. For those of you here for the first time… you and your family are very welcome here. We've all been there… the tests, the seemingly endless doctors visits, the late nights researching and working yourself into a right state with the what if's. The anger, at yourself, at the universe… the car accident I mentioned earlier… I was 5 weeks pregnant, right when the very first parts of the auditory system start to develop… is that why my baby can't hear? Did the injuries I sustained in that accident cause Caleigh's hearing impairment? To quote her doctor again 'it's irrelevant' because Caleigh's reality is that she's deaf. Knowing either way won't change reality… it took time but I let it go. Our children's reality is they have a hearing impairment. Our reality is we love them and we'll do everything to give them the tools they need to become well adjusted, successful members of society. That's me, that's Caleigh and that's our story… so far"

 **END**

That's it everyone, the end of the story. Thanks to all my readers and reviewers, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

This is officially my longest and most reviewed story!

I'm working on my next project but there is currently no time frame on when it will be ready for posting.


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